November 8, 2011
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Downgrading Friends
The bonds of friendship is something I hold in high regard. I am very lucky to say that fostering this type of relationship with people has not been difficult. I’m fortunate enough to be surrounded by many good friends that I know I can count on and who cares about me. One way I know this is seeing the effort they put in to catch up and hang out with me, despite distance or the busyness that is life. I appreciate that they think I am worth being around, and in turn I am glad to have them in my life.Lately though, I’ve been troubled by the state of some of my friendships. I feel like the people’s priorities shifted elsewhere and they no longer make time for me like they used to in the past. What sucks more is when I know they’re available to hang out, but I’m not asked to join. I feel dumbfounded by this change, especially since these were people I once considered would make excellent groomsmen in my future wedding. Now? I question whether it would feel too awkward to invite them at all.
I do ask myself if all of this is just the natural progression. I understand that some people are only meant to be a part of our lives during certain points, only to later move on because we’ve outgrow one another. Is that the case here?
Perhaps I am the problem instead. I admit that I make mistakes and I occasionally have stubborn tendencies, so I wonder if I somehow discouraged them from fighting for our friendship due to their lowered perceptions of me. A part of me really wants to fight for them despite what’s happening, but as time goes on I lose more and more energy to put into this unrequited effort. I think I’ve reached the point now where I don’t want to try anymore and I should just cut my losses.
And so, those once great friendships have declined to acquaintance/casual friend levels. I really hope I’m wrong and that somehow those friendships can be strengthen again. Otherwise, I’m forced to make do with these weakened relationships. I suppose it’s better than nothing, but it saddens me that it had to go down this path.
*Special mentions to @TheTheologiansCafe and @Suuperstar for inspiring me to write this down after I read their respective posts (“Dan on Friendship” and “Worth fighting for“). They are both good reads, so check them out if you haven’t already.
Comments (127)
Well… that you’re pausing to address the problem at all is a good first step. Continuing to grow and develop personally while trying to figure out whether or not others are just “moving on” is probably how you’d need to proceed… I think you have a good head on your shoulders.
Friends? WHO NEEDS FRIENDS?
I just need friends with benefits; those with 401k, full dental, medical, and vision insurance.
@CaKaLusa - Okay, that was funny!
I think the true test of friendship is if you don’t talk for a long time, yet can pick up right where you guys left off as if no time has passed by in between. That, to me, shows that the relationship’s stability to withstand time and other life commitments. That said, it’s unfortunate but there will always be the friends that start putting others on the sideline. Sometimes it’s because they have new priorities in life, leaving less time for friends and taking them for granted (i.e. a new relationship), but other times, I think it just means a friendship has run its course and there is no “need” for the other anymore.
I think generally you’ll know if the person is genuinely busy or disinterested. But I believe you can always rekindle friendships much like any other relationship. Best of luck
And thanks for the mention
Oh my god, this came at a good time too. I swear that I am currently going through this with my friend, though I too, have had this happen before hand. I’ve had to drop friends just because there was nothing left(no connection/no willingness on any part)to keep us together. I value friendship highly myself but sometimes, I know when it is time to let go. It has to be, you know? It’s never the easiest in the world but if it has to be done, it has to be done.
take my seat, downgrade for 3 months.
You know that if I lived in the DMV area, we’d kick it regularly. Anyway, I can relate right now. I try not to think about it too much and focus on having fun on my own.
It’s just something that happens. Corny as it sounds, change is the only constant thing in our lives, so the only thing you can really do when you’ve reached this is to foster new friendships. It sucks, but there’s no value in holding onto what’s no longer there. /cheese
I’m not a good friend, but I blame that partly on my Asian parents. They didn’t do a good job cultivating social skills during my formative years.
i know what you mean by that alex!! it’s hard to count on ppl to be there.. i lost a lot of friends i have good ones but it’s rare to see that they even care to call..
i think that technology just kills friendships nowadays
If you have made the effort to reach out to them yet they do not reciprocate, then perhaps it’s time to move on. You can’t force someone to always be your BFF, although you can sit down with them and discuss where the friendship is going to be. But, of course, there is no limit on how many friends you can have. Some who may have only been acquaintances before may turn into close friends in the near future. It’s a matter of how you assess the situation and where you decide to take it from that point. There comes a point where understanding can run dry and then lack of effort begins to be the main problem.
Sometimes, we may actually be the cause of the dwindling friendship. Other times, it is not and merely just others deciding to move on in their lives.
if you don’t feel that they are worth fighting for then well…you know…they can’t be that important. i say…try first. if they don’t reciprocate the efforts, then cut them loose.
I’m a pack rat by all sense of the definition. And by extension, I hold on to these friendships… at least I used to. You already know my story. I’ve seen these so-called friends from time to time, running into them. They’re just not the same. And I’m better off.
i wouldn’t worry so much about them. focus on the people that are still here for you.
Are the said friends on Xanga? it would be interesting if you made this post to point it out (subtlely?) at them. But yeah, I get how you feel…it does suck if a friendship can change for the worse overtime.
interesting pic you got there…i’m kinda wondering how you got it like that…talent….talent.
i hear ya. i hear ya…and this is why i’ve come to realize that i can’t have a best friend. at least not the girl kind. i think while it may matter to you a lot now, in the near future, once you have your own family, those ppl will really be the only ones that matter the most, even above your friends. but, of course, it would be nice to have peeps outside of family you can always count on. here’s hoping that you and timmy can remain chummy!
heyy is that a picture of you and the friends that you mentioned in this post?
i dont think you should think it is you. people change and things change. some friendships are not meant to withstand the test of time. maybe you and those friends no longer have the same interests or maybe they just moved on. it doesnt mean that you did anything wrong.
some of my long-term friendships have weakened in the past few years as well, while some stayed the same. i was very sad that my past best friends have become nothing but casual/surface friends. even though we try to hang out by keeping in touch and hanging out but the chemistry is just no longer there, and that is okay. it just happens. it is life.
i think almost everyone can relate to this post. i rec’ed it. =)
I think sometimes as we get older, we just change. I am not sure it is bad that we sometimes grow apart from others.
Sigh. I think I know where you’re coming from. I’ve probably lost more friends than I’ve had over the years, and it’s sad when you can see things sort of going downhill. But sometimes that’s how life happens; you grow older, you get new interests, you meet new people. I think there’s some wise saying in there about building new bridges means letting the old ones crumble or something. I forget. I’m not that great at remembering wise sayings. ^_^;;
But anywho, if it’s meant to be then it’s meant to be, but friendships have to be a two way street. If you’re the only one putting forth the effort, well maybe it’s for the best if you go your own way.
That’s why i got a dog. :3
@Passionflwr86 - Oh emotions, no matter how good of a head I have that stuff can sure put me on a tailspin.
@CaKaLusa - That’s why I’m friends with you! (You do have all that, right?)
@suuperstar - That is a true test, and it’s something I have used before. It sucks though when you find out people that you used to be able to do that with now no longer work out. Thanks for your input though. We still got some more talking to do.
@Hinase - Looking back, I realized this has happened a few times already…and each time has been sad.
@Timmmmmmy - more like a whole year!
@fLiPgUy31O - I definitely know that. Find a way to transfer over here.
@whotakethmycoke - Hey, I like cheese sometimes
@Celestial_Teapot - What things do you do that make you not a good friend?
@discover_hienie - Technology actually has helped me out a lot with keeping touch with people. Otherwise, all the people that live fall away would not be close at all.
@laytexduckie - Hmm, good comment. I need to think upon what you said some more.
I was JUST discussing this with a friend of mine tonight at dinner…
It’s like that saying..that difficult choice of whether to cross that bridge to repair a friendship, or burn it.
I’m thinking about the second one…
@misajour - I want to say they are important, which is why I do want to try. I’m just getting discouraged as of late to continue.
@stupid_systemus - Everytime you mention old friends, there’s always one person that comes to mind each and every time haha
@eatandrant - hey, I still have friends! So I guess it’s just you…j/k
@buiptammy - yup, I am. It’s tough not to think about those other people though, especially if they have been a part of some big moments in my life.
@Keeko1 - I will say this post was not meant to be a message to anyone. It’s just me putting down what I’ve been feeling lately that hasn’t been good. Overall though, life has been good to me right now =). I wish I can share my current good moments with those friends though.
@Roadlesstaken - It’s never been happy but we have to do what is right for ourselves and our lives, you know?
@wyrdkismet - Oh, I was just messing around with this photo editing app on my phone. It kinda looks a little creepy, no? Yes, let’s see if @Timmmmmmy won’t ignore me for a whole school year like he did in high school =)
@rxglasshalffull - Moments like these is when I say life is not fun. I do appreciate the friend life has given me though.
@TheTheologiansCafe - yeah, I agree. Perhaps certain people were there to help us change, and once that job was done we move on
@leaflesstree - If I had it my way, I’ll create new bridge and renovate the old ones =)
@bAbiiExxPiNay - Ahhh I want a pet! Current place I live does not allow it sadly
@eternal_relevance - I like to give people chances, so I rather avoid burning bridges if I can. I guess that’s the believer in me.
@Roadlesstaken - I was only half-joking. I’m not very good at checking in when I can, and I’m a little boring and passive when it comes to hanging out.
Friendships fade.
True friends though, their something I tell ya. You don’t speak for years yet when you come into contact again, you can catch up like you guys hadn’t seen each other since yesterday.I know the feeling of what your going through. I’ve been through it for the last 3 years.I QQ hardcore [not really] and eat ice cream and watch movies to get over it, wanna join?
DON’T FORGET ALEX i make time for you EVERYTIME i go to va but you ditch me
lol jk
Friendships can be so tricky! Wouldn’t it be nice to know what everyone else was thinking so as to avoid the awkwardness?
It’s kind of like high school. We thought we had the tightest bonds then but college happens and we find ourselves no longer chatting with them or even creeping on them on Facebook. Just normal ups and downs.
But, I am sure you have some amazingly solid friends. Those are friends worthy of having and who are truly there for you. And you are an excellent person and friend.
Hope you’re well!
i’ve been through this but for other reasons. becoming a parent at a young age does that to you. i tried to maintain the friendships but it was way too much effort. it was only going one way and friendship is a two way street. i cut my losses. it sucks and i really miss some of my old friends sometimes but i have more important things going on in my life, such as raising my kids and being with my family .
i wish you the best, i really do. you seem like such a nice and fun guy…i don’t know why anyone wouldn’t want to hang out with you
I know how much that sucks. and i know you know i’m not just saying that because i’ve posted about being the “low priority” before. i’ve often been accused of trying too hard or asking too much, but in light of the fact that these people hung out with the same group daily and i only asked a few hours once or twice a week, the message sent wasn’t “you ask more than is reasonable” but “you ask for more than you’re worth.” this is also a reason i don’t respond well to compliments because they generally prove when compared to actions, to be false. don’t say that i’m a good friend or that i’m important to you if you don’t want to be there for me.
I think a part of it has to do with effort. to apply it hypothetically, say you are friends with both me and co-worker X. it would be easy for you to give more time and attention to co-worker X while neglecting our friendship without even realizing it. the reason is simple. co-worker X is a natural normal occurrence in your life; the only effort you need to expend to see them is going to work. you’ll see them in the break room, on the office floor, in the parking lot, maybe even going out for dinner/drinks after work to unwind. but with me, well, not only do i not work with you i live 1k miles away, so you would have to actually put a concerted effort into conversations. it would require you to cut out time from your day to call, or IM or skype, and if we wanted to get together in person.. thats big money and a lot of time.
I tend to find myself in these situations (sans the mileage) where people think i’m asking for more than i should when i’m not really asking for more than they give their co-workers or classmates, I just don’t happen to be conveniently multitasked into their daily lives. you can probably tell i’ve had a lot of time to contemplate this.
perhaps this is what is happening to you, maybe when you had this “great friendship” it was less about the people and more about convenience, and now that you don’t just run into each other as natural daily course, they don’t see it as convenient or worth the effort. i don’t think you should reflect this on yourself as it’s obvious that there are a LOT of other people who would go out of their way, including crossing the country, to spend time with you.
for the record, the thing it think is most ironic about my own situations, is that i never ask for more than i already give. what the people who would complain about me cutting into their personal time didn’t ever stop to think about is, i had to carve out time for them too; i had to drive across town just to see them when i could have stayed home or gone out and done something on my own or put more time into work or hanging out with co-workers.
enough negativity though; i’ll leave you with this. don’t let yourself get too down because of this, you have a lot of people competing for your time and attention (now that bit i can’t relate to.) so put your focus there and if these people come back into your life, go from there.
Ugh, I’m going through the same thing. At least, I don’t feel so alone anymore.
@Roadlesstaken - it does look creepy, like a zombie attack. speaking of which, what did you think about that last episode of walking dead?
had these thoughts before myself
Are these the friends that were supposed to go to NYC with you for the tennis tournament and bailed out on you? Well, sometimes you lose some and you gain some. And if they don’t wanna be friends with you then it’s their loss, but I still wanna be friends with you =) I will try to get out to DMV area sometime in 2012.
I can definitely relate; the concept of friendship and what it means to me has been on my mind for the past year.
I’d say, don’t feel too down about it! I’m sure you’ll meet more people who are better friends to you than those who haven’t really been the close friends you want/expect them to be…
=)
I think it’s a part of growing up. Friends that are real will make time for you and those that don’t… they aren’t really your true friends.
I wished you lived closer to me!
You have countless friends.
@o3o_JennyBear_o3o - If you’re providing ice cream and the movie, who can resist?
@hollywoodfever91 - Well, make time for me this New Years! You have to make up for your last minute cancellation last year.
@Cestovatelka - Yeah, I remember having a similar feeling my first year or so of college wondering what happened to my close high school friends. Thankfully, I’m still pretty close with a few of them (including Timmy!)
@lifeonacitybusem4 - Hellz yeah! So much more simpler then.
@grizzlybearr - Plus, I have chocolate! Who can resist?! =P
@Roadlesstaken - Of course I’m providing, although I’d have to know what kind of ice cream you’d like and what movies your up for. I’m up for horror or action movies
@iones_island - I like the example you gave and I feel it does relate a lot to my situation. I think we can easily lose sight of other’s POV on things, so perhaps they don’t even realize they are not showing effort until it’s too late. Btw, the Walking Dead episode was alright. I was quite happy for Glenn! Yeah boy, go get her!
@zoetik - so it seems to be a very common occurrence, which I don’t think is good actually
@suefa_lee - If I made a trip to Los Angeles or Las Vegas, would you be able to meet up there?
@Roadrunner28 - Thanks, may that be the case for a while =)
@Ladiiee - I’ll admit, you would be someone I’d want to hang out a lot if we were closer. NY-VA isn’t terribly far. Try you best to make it to the NYE party! You know it’ll be worth the travel…
@mycontinuity - Perhaps, but I always like quality over quantity.
@o3o_JennyBear_o3o - Well let’s switch the ice cream to Italian ice (I’m lactose intolerant) and whatever movie works. I’ll bring my new projector.
@Roadlesstaken - D’awww
Total QQ at the lactose intolerant stuff. Do you eat lots of spicy foods? I’ll get some Italian ice instead of regular ice cream, sounds interesting to try out 
As for movies….right now I want to watch either the whole HP series or Resident Evil Series.Although….that new 3 Muskateers movie has caught my eye, along with the movie The Thing.I’ll have my comfy microfleece blankets and pillows handy too
Nothing like watching a movie all snuggled up in microfleece, my favorite past time everrr.
@o3o_JennyBear_o3o - I do eat some spicy food, yup. Interesting you mention Resident Evil; I just watched Resident Evil: Degeneration last night on NetFlix (although it’s different from the live action RE movies). I kinda want to watch The Thing now, especially after going through The Thing horror house at Universal Studios
@Roadlesstaken - really? i thought it was kind of sad.. i mean he’s one of the last men on earth and afterward she’s all “yeah, that’s not happening again.” i’m starting to get a bit tense about finding Sophia, and Daryl is steadily becoming one of my favorite characters.
@Roadlesstaken - YES! I’ve been to both places and I love it! Just let me know when and I shall meet you there but please let me know in advance so I can get off work =)
@Roadlesstaken - Snap… i watched that last night too! notice that the STR guy that got NOMNOMNOMed was voiced by Spike Spiegel.. it’s funny because i just couldn’t make his voice match that body in my head.
@suefa_lee - Timmy and I may be visiting LA mid-late January, so I’ll keep you posted
@iones_island - I’m pretty sure they’re over quite yet. Daryl is an awesome character. I’m a bit worried about him though after seeing the previews for next episode. Looks like he’s gonna get hurt bad.
@Roadlesstaken - I heard that if you eat spicy foods more than you drink / eat dairy products, that it can make you lactose intolerant [unless you were born that way] But I’ve heard many theories and stuff @_@ I mean I eat really spicy but I can still take in milk and ice cream.
@iones_island - awww, those ppl don’t know what they’re missing out on!
A lot of my friendships in life have been like this. It kind of sucks, because I’ve never known those really great friendship bonds in the first place. I’ve come to realize I just pick sucky people to be around with in the first place. Although, there are a few I was really sad to have to let go of. I’m hoping at 20, I can finally (or eventually) make a few good friends in my life who stay there and aren’t assholes. When a friendship seems to cause you more stress than joy, is it worth it? The only thing you can do is talk to this person about where the relationship is going. If, after that, they do not change, or at least attempt to catch up with you every now and then, I doubt it will get any better having a second talk. I’ve had to decide if I was better off with some people in my life. And after cutting out most people, I realized that I can actually move forward and just be myself. Maybe you will find you will be better off, too. It should be noted that some people really do have a change in their lives and they could just be really busy and not tell you.
@Roadlesstaken - aaah! i didn’t see it! I usually don’t watch previews because i like to be surprised. i hope he turns out ok, or if not I hope he has a good death befitting the badass that he is. I really like his type of character, starting out as the racist, chauvinist asshole, but now that his brothers influence is gone and he’s in the thick of it, he’s the one that’s looking out for everyone and willing to sacrifice himself for people that before he would have just automatically hated. now i have to watch the preview.
@wyrdkismet - haha, thank you, but wait till you get to know me better
@o3o_JennyBear_o3o - From what I read, most of the world actually become lactose intolerant as we get older. It’s not always complete though. I can have some cheese, for instance.
@ohheybbyitscorixx - Oh yeah, I know for a fact a lot of my friends and I have gotten busier as of late. Still, when you see them making time for others and not you it makes you kind of sad.
@iones_island - Yeah, I feel he’s one of the major characters now that should not die for a while. The show’s gonna lose a lot of fans if he does!
WTF! MERLE IS BACK!
@iones_island - Maybe, or it could be a hallucination
This has definitely been on my mind for a while too and doesn’t only apply to severed friendships but with deaths, breakups, and divorce. When you’ve tried so hard to hold onto relationships but are not reciprocated, then, as painful as it is, it’s time to let go. Letting go means: (1) clearly articulating your thoughts, (2) reliving experiences involving those people to identify how the ties became dry, (3) expressing your emotions by talking to those involved, (4) being vulnerable and burying your pride to fix mistakes (if any). You’ve clearly done (1) and (4) with this post, but if you try (2) and (3), you might have better justification for severing these ties and then…moving forward with life feeling more liberated! :)
@Sheegwa - Hmmm…I think you’re right about those steps. Not sure if I’ve definitely done 1 and 4 yet. Let’s see if I can figure out this pride business.
glad you care about the quality instead of quantity of friendship. another note, it’s ridiculous to see some with 2,000 friends on fb. =.=
@Roadlesstaken - either way, should be interesting.
what,your close buds are all getting married and leaving you in the dust? haha. people just move on. but i tell you what, if they’re a really good friend, next time you guys hang out,the good times roll and it feels like you guys never stopped hanging out.
I’m fortunate enough to come across this post right now because this is an immediate reflection of what I am going through right now. Those who cannot seem to find time for you now willl come to realize it later. Its better late than never, but never late is better. (Drake lyric?) Sorry, it just popped up in my mind. Though they may be doing this to you right now, you know it deep down in your heart that you are not a bad friend and that you have done your part. Friendship should never be a duty and it isnt either. You were there, and if they have any realization of how wonderful you are, they would be the same to you.
As time passes and people grow older, they feel the need to ‘let go” of people that connect them to things. I’ve had several people tell me that and it stings. Those who are still here with you, are worth every passing second
Sometimes we just gotta learn how to say goodbye, let go, and embrace the new moment.
Don’t let Timmmmmy get to you man, your dynast may have weakened, accept your losses and hang out with a new crowd. I would be your friend, but my friendship would be wothless to someone of your stature, so be happy, get married and whatever you do DO NOT introduce timmmmmmy to your wife ^_^
I think you’re an awesome friend Alex but we all need to understand that “friends” come and go. Some may stay and others well, just disappear. Don’t let it bother you too much. Great that you realize your own shortcomings but it doesn’t always to be about us. Chin up brotha, that’s what you have the ASSCAT for. lol
Alex, this definitely made me think about certain individuals in my life. There have been moments when I have felt like I was holding on for dear life, clinging to every last inch of a friendship that had gone down the distancing path. Then I realized that anyone who isn’t willing to fight for me, isn’t worth fighting for. It doesn’t mean that I’ll stop caring. In fact, I care about them just as deeply, and think about them on a regular basis, but it’s just not worth holding on to something that’s already been lost. I can understand why you’d feel that having at least a casual friendship (or a civil one at the least) is better than none at all, but there have been moments when I felt that that hurt much too much to keep on. I’m so glad in knowing that you have amazing people in your life right now that care for you. Hold on tight to them.
oh really? that’s great!! it’s the other way around for me.. lol
@dreamsversion - It is. You know that person doesn’t really know at least half of those folks
@figachewy - Funny enough, my close buddies have not gotten married…yet. I’m preparing for it though.
@Icyflame143 - Drake lyrics ftw. Thanks for the good comment. Definitely some things to consider…
@miss_dizzao - working on it
@RulerofMasons - So what you’re saying is I should “get rid” of Timmy. Yes…
@oxyGENE_08 - True, ASSCAT is the answer to everything!
@mizz_chan - Look at old photos didn’t help as well. Many people have come and gone, but at least for now I have good amount of people still with me.
@Roadlesstaken - Yeah, that’s what I hear most. Since after a baby goes from mother’s milk to powdered milk and as we grow older we get that way. I use to be able to drink Vitamin D milk, now I can’t.
I am sucks in maintaining friendships.
Just wait till you’re married dude. I haven’t seen some of my good friends since the wedding.
@vanedave - Oh boy. I have a feeling once marriages start happening around me I will be dealing with this issue again.
I hear you on that. I think friendships are just very fragile unless you’re living in the same place as the person. I’ve been reminded lately that work, church, and family friends really are the best. You see those people regularly, and it’s easier to re-invigorate the friendship when it falls on tough times. Meh.
@Roadlesstaken - you’re welcome
I do hope you feel better though. And usually when I quote Drake, I’m not met with any enthusiasm, so you surprised me lol.
Stay happy
I’ll try my hardest!
@Ladiiee - Good, so you better not fail then if you’re trying your hardest!
@Icyflame143 - I’m a fan of Drake, what can I say =)
@GreekPhysique - Meh indeed.
I deal with this issue regularly, I think. I always wonder if it’s me because of the amount of people I lose touch with and who don’t put effort into talking to me or trying to see me when I’m actually see-able (regardless of the effort I put forth).
Anyhow, I think pretty highly of you, so I’m going to say I’m pretty sure you’ve done nothing to tarnish your friends perception and opinions of you. Even though they’re available to chill, perhaps they’re worried they’re getting on your nerves and don’t want to wear out their welcome, so to speak. I do that from time to time, but it’s not that I don’t still want to be super close to the person, I just don’t want to drive them away by being around so much or making myself too available (hope that makes sense?).
This Couldn’t be more accurate for what’s going on in my life this very moment. Yet i do believe your blog was pretty much on point. Even though it hurts, I also too feel it is a natural state of progression. Truly agree with every sentence in your 3rd paragraph, couldn’t be more true! (=
@Roadlesstaken - ahhhh, nice! you are certainly wise on all the latest cool apps haha. btw, did you know you can always keep your profile pic the same and then just change the pic for the entry?
@ArmyWife4Life2007 - I can see where you’re coming from. I don’t think you would have to worry about being around too much if you all were good friends. I would feel like you should feel wanted more often than not.
@SosaSupreme - Thank you, I’m glad you were able to relate. Seems like a common issue.
@wyrdkismet - Oh, is that how it works? I’ve only started experimenting with changing profile pics based on posts so perhaps next time I’ll try that.
@Roadlesstaken - yup, you can change your pic per comment as well. at the bottom before you click submit on comments/blog posts, all you have to do is click on “choose” below profile pic and pick a pic from the ones that you uploaded, otherwise it’ll automatically do default, which is the one you have selected for your profile. and when you “choose,” nothing happens to your profile pic. that remains the same. hope this helps!
@wyrdkismet - Ah, that one I knew! I kinda knew about the weblog profile pic option too, I just never really utilized it.
When you call one of your “friends” is it awkward or is it as if you never stopped talking to them?
@hysterical_paranoia - Used to be the latter, now leaning towards the former.
@Roadlesstaken - Ohh thats great! In that case, have you heard the songs from his new album? I’m loving them
I know you act like I don’t want to come, I doo
and I’ll try my hardest my bro said he’ll take me but lets see
time passes, people change…letting go is a part of life, and so is learning when to.
lastly, nothing in life is permanent- except love. i hope you don’t blame yourself for this; broken, frayed, or weakened relationships are inevitably a part of growing up and growing old, but i understand that doesn’t make it any easier when it happens.
i’ve lost touch with a lot of my friends, but even after many, many years, we are still, in a sense, friends. i can always meet with them to catch up- maybe it will be the same with yours.
cheer up!
downgrading sounds so.. harsh haha. over the years my expectations for friends (and in general people) have changed. i used to have a certain expectation for the people close to me (ie: close friends, family, etc), and it bothered me when the people i considered close to me didn’t hold up their end (in my opinion). but i stopped having expectations after becoming better friends with people post-college that i never really considered to be close friends in college.
on keeping in touch – i like the feeling of someone checking in on me, so i don’t really mind being the person who does the checking in. and if they respond, they respond.. and if they don’t, they don’t. people change, priorities shift, life goes on. and it’s not necessarily good or bad. it is what it is. try not to get caught up in “what was”.. and instead focus on “what is”. in other words, no need to pick out your groomsmen now.. you’ll know who to choose when that time comes around
@Icyflame143 - Some, which is your favorite?
@hollywoodfever91 - Are you still not allowed to just travel down yourself, or with a friend? There are buses available.
@pcketfulofsunshine - Yeah, perhaps we will be able to meet up more often in the near future. I’m just not sure if they will put in the effort to make that happen if it’s not convenient for them.
@lil_joycie - Yeah, I’m sure I will have plenty of choices come time for the future wedding =) . I wonder who they will be…
What you have shared here is universal to all people, and people of all ages.
You are smart and have a huge heart…so I think you will always figure out what you need to do.
I don’t like that some people are only in our lives for a “season or a certain reason”…but I understand that and try to enjoy them while they are in my life.
I think at some point after college our friends seem to change or move on…but we continue to make other friends and it’s okay. It seems to change again for some at marriage and at the birth of children. But we can always keep a few “old” friends and add new ones through the years.
HUGS!
That has been happening to me too. It is definitely the priority shifts. I am extremely busy with school and can’t spend time with my friends but I always try to keep in contact but there are some people who are “so busy” they can’t even take 5 minutes out of their time to text a hi. They rather spend that 5 mins somewhere else. It is only going to get worse when people start getting married and whatnot.
I had the same concern a while back… eventually I grew over it and realized that there is no permanent thing in life
@tribong_upos - Except taxes, right?
@five_twenty - Great, something to look forward to =/
@AdamsWomanFell - A suppose a few old friends that stay with me for a while is enough =)
I hear you. I was listening to talk radio a few nights ago, and according to polls, the majority of people only consider one or two people as their true friends. And I think this applies to everybody as they get older. People change, grow apart. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, though.
@the_imperfect - If only the numbers were greater! But then again, if there were more true friends we may end up taking them for granted.
@Roadlesstaken - My favorite is a tie between take care, look what you’ve done, and we’ll be fine.
@Roadlesstaken - haha don’t think about it until the time comes. i don’t know about you.. but i have some friends who (i think) spend too much time dwelling on the “what ifs” and the “shoulda woulda coulda’s”. i always tell them to worry about the things they can control and not about the things they can’t. anyhow, the weekend is approaching.. cheers to a good weekend
ppl come and go, but, good friends just keep coming back
@lil_joycie - I shall have a good weekend. Thanks!
@Prim_Prim4488 - I like that =)
@Roadlesstaken - taxes even change… goes up
Say, AdorableA…Has anyone told you today what an amazing person you are?
Well…I think you’re amazing!
Hope your weekend is going well!
HUGS!
@AdamsWomanFell - Thank you, I’ve been having a wonderful weekend =) . Hope you are too!
don’t downgrade me!
@thetropicallife - What will you do for me to prevent that?
Warning: my comment is going to sound pessimistic.
I was thinking a lot after I read this entry. I might post an entry up. Anyhoo… as we grow up, we lose friends because they’re busy with their own lives. At the end of the day, we just need friends that we can count on.
There are some friendships that you need to get rid of e.g like if it’s a one way street. I haven’t read other people’s comment but I’m pretty sure my comment sounds the same like other people’s.
you just never know what may happen. never burn any bridges… just accept things as they are. maybe you’ll run into someone later on and the friendship bond will reignite again
@Got_Claws - Yeah, more or less haha
@hodtos - I am optimistic, so we’ll see!
Sometimes relationships just have to go through a renewal cycle. You know, two people go their separate ways for a bit and then come back later with new experiences and perceptions so that they have some more things to share. Sometimes.
If that’s the case (and it’s really just a hypothesis), then people moving in and out of your life is perfectly normal. From personal experience, it works like that occasionally, unless the friend is purposely not interested in continuing the relationship.
As i’ve grown older, i’ve found that i’ve had to work much harder at maintaining the friendships that used to come so easily in school. i put in the effort, but if it remains unrequited for too long, as you mentioned, then i feel there’s no need to expect too much more from it.
@AzureRecollections - That type of cycle has happened before with previous good friends, so may that be the case this time too then. I hope so.
@ivorygem - School made it so easy since we’re all in close quarters. Too bad that doesn’t stay the same for too long.
Some bitches need to get kicked to the curb.
@ShimmerBodyCream - curb stomping yeah! (…too much?)
Some friendships don’t last; I’ve learned to be okay with that. It’s great to have long-lasting friendships with people you can confide in, trust, and share your experiences with. However, I don’t expect my friends to be there for me always or to be a part of my life forever. I just want to enjoy the moments I do share with my friends. And if they stay with me for my entire lifetime, then great. If not, then that’s fine too. Of course, there are certain people you don’t want to keep in your life — the ones who lack respect, integrity, honesty, and empathy.
@K12N9 - The ones who lack some or all of those qualities would most likely not be my friend to begin with.
@Roadlesstaken - That’s good.
I can’t explain why people grow out of friendships. It just happens as we grow older, our interests, values, preferences change and friendships suffer. I see this with one of my friends from university, he has a very different lifestyle now than I do and we’ve grown apart. Your entry is making me nostalgic for my lost friends.
@ElusiveWords - Sorry about that. Nostalgia can suck at times.
This reminds me of a time when I’ve downgraded a friend. This friend of mine was my first Asian friend in the US, which meant I knew her when I was 7 years old. We were best friends from church. In high school, she messed around with 2 of my boyfriends. The first time, I forgave her because she and my bf at the time claimed they didn’t do anything… We all knew they experimented w/ ecstasy and locked themselves in the room for over 10 minutes. So I gave both of them the benefit of the doubt. The seond time was when I was dating another person, also during high school. After graduation, when I was no longer with this guy, he told me that he had cheated on me with my best friend and told me she’s not trustworthy.
I was so angry that I had completely cut off our friendship. I didn’t talk to her because I was really hurt. Every time we’d run into each other at church or anywhere, I would feel like my heart has been crushed for I treated her like a sister but was treated like a fool. The thing was… She was always on my mind, we never had a closure. After 2 years… I decided to write her a letter. I remembered asking myself… If she died the next day, would I be happy or sad? The answer was obvious to me. I would be really sad and heart broken and all the things that happened wouldn’t have mattered because i loved her. And that was why I gave her another chance…I knew she did me very wrong… But I really loved her. I know everybody makes mistakes, and as long as one can learn from it, it’s worth a try. Looking back, I’m really glad I had given her another chance to redeem herself. We r still good friends and she definitely grew up to be a better friend/sister.
So Alex. You really have to evaluate everything. Don’t care about what people say or tell u… You have to really ask yourself… Is it worth it. Truth is, relationships won’t always be fine and dandy. In every relationship, one will always give more than the other and it’s normally the person who cares more. And maybe because u guys haven’t hung out for so long that he might have felt like you might not want to join. If your friendship is really that important to you.. Maybe you should just give him a call. “hey bro.. Haven’t heard from u in a while… How’s it going. Let’s hang out sometimes.”
Well… I don’t know what situation u r really in… All I’m trying to say is…if u feel like u want him to be apart of u ur life… U have to make it happen. In some ways.. I feel like maybe you are choosing to give him up because u feel that he’s dissing u. Does he know he’s making u feel that way… If not… Then… Your friendship isn’t hopeless. You see… Some people r better at initiating friendships. We r those kind… But we must know… We can’t expect that from others. Okay… I feel like I’m rambling on too long.. Let me know how u feel.
So yea… One last point… I really want to stress on…. Don’t make a decision based on how u think u should be feeling.. Or… I’m supposed to do this cuz of this…. Really dig deep on what u want… What u want out of this relationship…. And go on from there….
@cognney - I see where you’re coming from. I’m still figuring out if it is worth putting in the effort. I think it is, but I’m still feeling hurt by how neglected I’ve been. As of right now, the bridges have not been burnt so perhaps we will make amends.
this happens to me all the time.