August 13, 2009
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Understanding My Dad’s Love
A couple of weeks ago, my little brother was ranting to me about how our dad was so mean and unfair. They had recently got in a heated spat, which pretty much involved my dad yelling at him and telling him to do what he said, no questions asked. He felt my dad was too harsh and didn’t seem to really care about him. He even went further and claimed that he doesn’t love him because he never says he does, nor showed any real outward signs of affections (for example, a hug). After I got him to calm down a bit, I told him the following in hopes that he would at least kind of understand what it took me so much longer to figure out.
When I was growing up, I used to tell myself I would never become like my dad. Back then, my view of my dad was pretty distorted. He was always working at the restaurant and hardly communicated with me unless it was something like “You hungry?” In fact, our longest conversations usually happened while he was punishing me for doing something bad. My dad was not exactly a fan of the whole “understanding and talking about the issue” routine, but rather just settle it with commands and spankings (oh that belt and fly swatter stings!). Needless to say, those experiences greatly influenced the negative view I had of him for the longest time. I remember how I used to watch fathers on television shows and wondered, “why can’t my dad love me the way they do with their families? It is just so unfair.”
It wasn’t until within the past few years that I’ve started to understand where he was coming from. After a few psychology classes and a chance conversation with my mom, I learn that my dad does really care for me and I’m pretty sure he’s the way he is because of what he had to deal with growing up. I discovered that my grandfather (my dad’s dad) left the family for the Philippines when my dad was only a year old to earn money for the family. He did not return until my dad was 18 years old. During that absence, my dad pretty much had no older male role model and had to learn to be the man of the house the hard way. He dropped out of school when he was about 14 years old so he could work, earning enough to support my grandmother and aunt (his mom and sister).
After learning of this, I developed a theory as to why my dad had such a hard time talking to my brother and me. He didn’t have any real father and son experience growing up, so it made sense that he would be uncomfortable with this relationship. What he knows very well, however, was the notion of working hard to support those you care for, and he has certainly done that. I didn’t realize it as a little boy, but he was working all those long hours in the kitchen of his restaurant to make sure his sons had a better life than he ever did. That, to him, was how he showed his love for us.
In the future, I’m still personally planning on becoming a more empathetic parent than my dad, in that I will talk and listen to my children in addition to whatever punishment I would give. You know what though? In the end, I consider myself very grateful to have such a hard-working, loyal, and honorable dad in my life, even if the ways he shows his love is very subtle. I would be so lucky if any of those qualities of my dad gets passed down onto me.
After explaining all this to my little brother, I sure hope he understands just how fortunate we really are to have a dad like him.
Comments (112)
“I’m still personally planning on becoming a more authoratative parent than my dad, in that I will talk and listen to my children in addition to whatever punishment I would give. ”
so are you going to slap your son too?
My dad is the same way, only his father (my grandpa) died when he was very young and he grew up without a father figure.
you know, i was just like your brother when I was little. I always thought my parents hated me because they were always at work and school (learning english) and coming home around 10p. By then I was too tired and my aunt would put me to sleep. The only time I really saw them was in the morning or on the weekend. It’s not until i was 16 that I realize how MUCH my parents loves all of us.
@Roadlesstaken - Nope
@iso_whiteSnow - Not necessarily. If I do, that would come after other types of punishments like taking away privileges or what not.
@mycontinuity - Yeah? Do you two talk comfortably with one another?
@jesuismir - Yeah, it’s all about perspective. We sometimes don’t realize the sacrifices our parents make until we grow up a little.
@iso_whiteSnow - you should probably look up what authoritative parenting is.. what you’re probably thinking of is authoritarian
anyway.. roadlesstaken, i’d trade fathers with you anyday lol
Awww alex! You’re so sweet to ur brother. But ur dad is like my mom. Tho we cud carry a convo mainly abt school (besides the usual punishment and nagging).. So I totally understand where ur coming from. And don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be a great dad one day =P
My dad is very much like your dad. He hardly talks to us and works all day. Our fathers even have the same job! :O
My dad didn’t grow up with a father figure either. He basically had to help take care of his younger brothers and sisters. People like your dad are the people I admire most. If our parents didn’t work hard for us then who knows where we would be. Oh and I’m kind of against hitting kids, but a little spanking here and their isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
My dad is a hard ass. He doesn’t like to hug or be all lovely dovely towards us. Only on birthdays or holidays does he hug or kiss us. Sure, it’s not the ideal relationship and I would like to have a closer relationship, but according to my mom, his parents were hard asses, so he just did/passed on what he learned. He is a great dad though. He is always there for us, even if we fuck up and do stupid shit. He is always wiling to help even if he bitches and moans about what a moron you are. lol.
xo
wow this was very well written.. . hmm it seems like the typical asian family it seems as though.. very hard for some to quite understand us.. my dad is getting better at understanding me.. i could understand how your brother must have felt for showing no affection, but if your dad never experienced that. then, i could understand where it he is coming from too.
saying “i love you” is hard for a lot of asian dads and giving attention and care. i always wonder why.. even when, my dad
used to yell at me. i always wonder why. he had to act soo mean.. i guess you could also say my dad is a very demanding person. he likes to have things his way. well, you must tried your hard to understand both sides
and makes you a great person inside. =D
That’s beautiful. My dad used to work 6 1/2 days a week at 2 jobs so I can relate to what you wrote.
aw, this is touching. a lot of dad’s really do not know how to show “love” because showing you care is not “cool” or along those lines. my dad is sort of the same way by not really expressing himself to us but showing by actions. they really want us to have a better future for ourselves and not struggle as much as they once had. ♥
@subaru3169 - haha yeah, I was thinking that might have been the case so I changed the working in the entry now to prevent further confusion. How’s your dad?
@pasaway4eva - I remember someone asking my dad once how were my grades and he was was like “I don’t know!” haha. Yeah, we don’t talk about that stuff either.
@peteryee - My parents used to own their own Chinese restaurant, but have since sold it to do other stuff. My dad dabbled as a mailman, but he’s now back in the restaurant business. Makes sense; he’s a really good cook haha.
@B1ANCACACA - I’m against spanking if it’s like the go to punishment. I would prefer other routes first before that.
@JessxMaxine - hey, having to deal with a hard ass at least gives us tougher skin!
@discover_hienie - Yeah, I took a cultural psychology class where we learned that in Asian culture, that authoratorian style is usually the “correct” method for raising a child. It’s pretty interesting how that works.
@ElusiveWords - My dad’s currently doing that now too. In a way, I think he sorta likes working all that time. Keeps him busy.
@SWEETxN0VEMBER - It seems to be the trend in traditional Asian families. Not necessarily a bad thing, but different from the typical Western values.
People express their love in different ways. My dad is similar to yours–he shows affection more through silent actions than through verbal empathy. Same with my mom, in a way. I, like you, hope to be a more empathetic person when I’m older, but I appreciate my parents’ actions too.
I totally understand this blog too well. My father is the same way. A lot of asian parents are similar in that perspective. It all had to do with how my dad was raised and when i actually talked to my mom i found out so many things i didn’t know about my dad’s family before and it really opened up my eyes. I no longer blame my dad for being “cold” because i know he loves me and my brother unconditionally although i do wish he would open up a bit more to us.
@Roadlesstaken - i made an entire post about it a little while ago.. lets just say he sucks and i truly hope i don’t carry any of his characteristics.. i probably will though, but at least i know i’m smarter than he is=/
Similar sentiments with my father as well. If I want to know that my father cares, it’s in the subtle things he does as a father figure ie working, our names, etc.
You’re such a good older brother! Yeah things like that definitely take a while to learn as a child. Sooner or later, I’m sure your brother will realize all of this and thank you for it. I have the same relationship with my dad and it took a lot of explaining on my mom’s part before I really got to understand and appreciate all the things my dad did for me.
@Lynn1013 - Yeah, I think that’s something that doesn’t quite fit in my brother’s scheme on things just yet. I think he kinda got it when I explained it to him.
@lilvietchik2003 - Glad to hear how much we relate in this aspect! It’s crazy how there’s so much mystery about my dad. I’m sure there’s a lot more that my mom hasn’t told me yet.
@subaru3169 - Yeah, we tend to pick up traits even if we don’t wanna. I definitely gotten physical traits from him, such as our distinct walk and laughs
@Parsimony - Yeah, over the years I’ve learn that even though it’s subtle, it’s enough for me
@buiptammy - For sure, I don’t really expect him to get it right away. I was just hoping it would at least make him think harder about this topic before he hates too much.
You handled this well, my dad hates my guts.
Me and my dad can go for months without saying a word to each other
That’s really cool of you to hand down some helpful words to your brother. I really admire that and appreciate it when my older siblings would do the same for me. It’s good to know that you’ve gotten a better understanding of your daddio :] My dad’s a very weird and complicated dude it’s sometimes hard to follow what he’s trying to say/show/do, but I think my dad’s like yours too in the whole subtle expression of love.
@Dylan_Disast3r - I’m really sorry to hear. Are you sure he hates you that much? What reason does he have for that?
@xxLilPauliexx - Aw, I appreciate your kind words. Knowledge is power! (so cheesy, but true)
Good way to try and understand your dad-by looking at his past. Hope your bro can learn as fast as you did….
it’s pretty much the same thing with my dad.
he doesn’t show emotion or care in words and sometimes not in actions typically deemed as so.
i used to hate my dad for being so traditional and protective of me, but learning more about my own family’s history as well as the history of our culture has definitely made me agree to disagree with him.
it’s love that’s not obvious.
Every parent is different. You’re right on the ball, any father that stays around and works to give you food and roof over your head is good father at that. My best friend’s father is like that too, they are from Peru and all his dad knew was to work his whole life for his family, but they’re a close knit one. I think every kid goes through a phase where they think their parents don’t love them becuase it’s not like the movies or television, but it’s the same with any relationship they portray on tv, not real. You’re brother will realize that your father does care, just in his own way.
My dad is very similar to your dad. He also stopped going to school at 14 so he could work. He grew up with 8 sisters and only 1 brother but his brother was so much younger than him that they didn’t really bond as brothers. My grandfather didn’t like my father much for whatever reason it was. The only difference is that my dad really doesn’t love me and I know because he told me himself. My dad had no problem being a father like figure to my ex boyfriend though which still confuses me at times. Everyone thinks my dad is the nicest man ever but to me and my mom he’s not.
awwwwwwww soooo 好孩子 !
@tenshii_rage - If not, it’s okay. As long as it eases his thoughts than it’ll do.
@elelkewljay - Oh my dad shows emotions to me alright, except it’s usually negative haha. Slowly but surely he’s beginning to show some positive ones as well. My brother just acts his goofy self and it usually brings at least a rolled eyes reaction.
@Drugsy - I’m sure my bro will be fine, he’s just being a baby =P . Nah but seriously, you’re comment rings very true.
@SimplyNita - That’s a very interesting dynamic you have with him. Why would he say that he doesn’t really love you? That’s a horrible thing to say to a daughter.
@s_h_a_sha - I’m illiterate! haha what did that say?
@Roadlesstaken - lol it say you are hao hai zi!
me too but i wanted to say that so i asked a friend! ahhahahaha
Even if your younger brother doesn’t understand right now, I’m sure he will understand later, thanks to you.
My dad is really strict, and tries to protect us all the time- and my grandfather was too laid back, letting my dad and his sister do anything. Sometimes one extreme turns to the other, huh. It’s all about the perspective. To all my friends, he’s a mean old man- but to me, he’s the best dad ever
@s_h_a_sha - oh you cheater XP
@joycemiles - That good to hear you appreciate your dad that much. Have you always felt that way, or did that change as you grew older?
@subaru3169 - riiiight.
@Roadlesstaken - so!!
Aw Alex, you’re so mature! hahaha I’m just joking around.
But I enjoyed reading your entry, and I do hope your brother understands.
@inaean - oh, so I’m not mature?! -_-
I’m sure your little brother will understand how much your dad cares (maybe not now though), but is it very admirable that he has an older brother to go to get some wisdom. I’m the youngest in the family, and my family shows their love by being very protective on me. I use to hate it, but now I’m grateful.
@nice_girl589 - aw that’s cool. I’m gonna try to be protective of my future children, but hopefully not too overbearing.
My entire family is not affectionate, either. Which is why I have such a hard time giving hugs and being affectionate towards others, unless it is written. I’m glad your brother has a role model, such as yourself, to help him understand and be another father.
My brother basically taught me everything & I’m forever grateful. Pretty post. I relate!
Heh, sounds very similar between the relationship of me and my pops.
woo. sounds like mine when i was younger, just that he nags more now. now he’s morphed and evolved to telling me lame jokes now and then, passing me random magazines, developing interests but still nagging alot. i guess when your dad’s about to see his end to retirement he’ll prolly loosen up then you’ll see the real him!
you’re such a role model for your brother.
he’s lucky to have you.
i’ve never had a good relationship with my father (if you noticed in some earlier posts)
and i try to be understanding of his background and his mishaps or ordeals he went
through but…i feel like i’m just trying to make excuses for someone who can make
other rational decisions…*sigh*
i went through a lot with the man, but in the end, it’s still an on going battle…on and off.
most days are calm, we have conversation, talk about me moving, talk about business,
talk about household things. but i’ve always doubted his affections.
why?
mostly, because sometimes i feel like he still harbors some anger in him that he lost
a son and gained five daughters instead.
It does seem like an Asian thing. I run into this problem with many of my friends, who see my parents as harsh, uncaring, demanding, etc. It drives me nuts to have to constantly defend them. I don’t care that we’ve never said “I love you”, that we don’t hug/kiss, that they don’t shower me with birthday gifts –my parents show their love in all the ways that count (like never skimping on my education and paying for college so I can start my adult life debt free, for example). anyhow, great post, and I’m glad you explained that to your little brother. You sound like a good brother (and son).
When I was a kid, I hated my dad for the way he was… I even questioned my mom why he married this guy. My mom was like, “you need to appreciate your dad, sympathize for him.”. So I eventually.. learn to appreciate and accept my dad. My dad works hard so we would have better lives too.. and I think he also shows hes love that way.
I guess what I’m trying to say is.. were both starting to understand our dads?? lol.
My dad was a stern but i wouldn’t change the way he raised me
afterall i ended up ok
you’re lucky to still have a dad
i think your bro will realize once he’s gone that everything he did wasn’t cause he hates him but that he loved him and that was his way of showing it
It’s a guy thing not to show any emotions. what a good big bro! =)
@Roadlesstaken - I was only kidding! =P Anyway enjoy your vacation. I’m almost done with my summer class, too. Just one more week! =)
will you marry me?
omg wow great entry. i jsut realized that kinda applies to my father too. I know my dad loves me and all but we dont have the same relationship as I do with my mom.
My dads father died at the age of 30 when my father was really young so his aunt took care of him and his brothers. my dad is very stern and stoic and hardly talks about anything real deep. But after reading your entry it makes sense now.
thanks.
ps i didnt know you were filipino too !
Aww.. your brother is lucky to have you! Your story reminds me of my relationship with my mom. My mom also comes from a rough background where she had to work hard and family members lived in other countries to support the family back home.
I think tht’s very normal in Asian families. Your post kinda reminded me how my mom and I yelled at each other before I left home… sigh generation gap. /guilty =S
You handled tht really well. I wish my older siblings told me the same thing.
It’s always interesting to see how one’s perspective on their parents changes when they grow up a little bit. I know that I feel that I understand my parents a lot better now than I ever did when I was younger.
@HelloKitty0809 - luckily, my mom’s a bit more affectionate so I’m not quite a hard ass as my dad, though I sometimes get hints of it.
@Agent_Eric - Yeah? Seems like a lot of others relate as well. Very interesting.
@tollyyjoy - haha that would be a sight to see. I hope you’re right.
@PiscesPhishie - hopefully in the near future your relationship with him will get better. It makes me sad that it isn’t so great for you right now.
Aww
my dad’s like that too…except less
but my mom’s a cutie
Your father sounds very close to mine, but my dad hated his dad, and so resented his family for a long time… I guess everythings kind of hereditary. I think hating your parents at teenage years is just very natural and something that you have to live through, right? Everything becomes clearer when you get older…
@Roadlesstaken - I would say the latter because my dad used to be a totally different guy- he had temper issues and what not, so I wasn’t sure if he loved me because he was so mad all the time.. but around 7th grade, he tried harder to get rid of the temper for us- so I could see that he was actually trying to control his temper- now he’s less angry all the time than he was…. if that made any sense.
@just_the_average_jane - thanks for your sweet comment. You sound like a good daughter
@jmixaydy - ah that’s good to hear!
@Kathleen_g - exactly. I ended up alright so he can’t be so bad.
@aliceandrandy - well, at least not loving emotions. he certainly has show some angry ones haha
@jeannie_dot_com - haha now why would you want a silly thing like that?
@panda_monium - oh nah, we are full Chinese. My grandpa just went over there for work purposes. However, he did start another family over there, so I think I have some relatives there now haha
@RiceDish - ah. Did your dad have it easier growing up?
@darth_cosmos - thanks, hopefully he understood it a little.
@TheCheshireGrins - I suppose with more experiences and age our minds are just more capable to see things from others POV@noree_n - my moms better! J/k
@theRyeCatcher - I think my dad wasn’t very fond of his dad either when he first returned. I think their relationship got stronger once they both came over to the United States.
@joycemiles - I totally get what you mean. My dad seems to have soften up his tough guy role as of late
I totally relate to this..
I didn’t understand my father for years.. but as we get older and mature and probably experience life more, it becomes clear that maybe it wasn’t as we saw it..
I liked this.Thanks for sharing..
My dad is kind of like that, he doesn’t show emotion much, but shows he cares for us in other ways. I was home alone and my boyfriend stayed with me while my family was gone on vacation for a week. My boyfriend took me everywhere, drove me to work and back every day, and I kept the house clean.
My father showed his appreciation by repairing something small on my boyfriend’s car that was stolen, as well as washing his car. He never said anything, just did it. I can just tell what my dad means by his actions.
My dad never had a great relationship with his own father until he was older, which he always regretted. I, on the other hand, they couldn’t get rid of…my dad wasn’t close to his other kids, but I was kinda weird in that I was always stuck to his side no matter what–he was always a little weirded out by that, I think. I just hope my future kids love their father as much as I do.
my family is actually like this… my little bro is going through the same thing with my dad
My father was often like that. When you work 7, 16 hour days (dairy farmer), it is easy to be short and harsh with words. But he was not always like that. It would have been far harder to understand him, if he just did not know how to communicate with his daughter. So I think I understand your fathers ways, because me father was a little like him. I likely never would understand someone like that, if my father was just like yours. Because I would be holding an immature grudge. Something you have avoided, congratulations.
Yes working so hard is an act love for his family, it is the way he knows.
Dads have to kick ass, and toughen us up… that’s just how it is…
@Kontzicles - thanks. It’s funny how we used to think we know stuff as a kid, only for us to find out we had no idea what we were talking about.
@haloed - what a nice father. Your bf must have felt appreciated!
@faerienoodles - haha you sound like my brother. He goes out of his way to show his appreciation of him. He used to try hugging him but I think he quit that haha
@sonychak - ah I see. Hope it works out for him as well.
@Roadlesstaken - Indeed
@Paul_Partisan - thats what I tell my bro whenever I pick on him haha. That way when other kids do that he will be like psh, I’ve had much worse!
@trunthepaige - i sorta did hold a grudge against him until the end of high school. Thankfully I’ve gotten over it and learn to appreciate him for the way he is
i always sy the good side to my dad and neer the bad other peole saw
i was adopted by my moms parents and i loved them to bits
when i ave kids i want them to ave he same relishiope i had with me dad with my hubby
i still rember the smell of stewed tea
kels xx
things like this always take time for us to realize; i know it took me a long time to realize too that my parents did what they did because they loved me.
there’s something that my aunt (my dad’s older sister and also oldest in the family) told us:
“your parents yell at you because they love you. if they didn’t yell, then they wouldn’t care about the things that you do.”
I think alot of Asian parents are like your dad in the sense that they don’t show alot of affection for their children. But it’s up to the individual to try and understand why their parents are that way and then decide what kind of person/parent they want to be in the long run.
As for me, I also hope to be a more understanding and affectionate parent to my children when I finally have some.
Thanks for sharing your dad’s love to us too!
I think it also demonstrates the different reality
the generations lived in.
Our dad’s generation is probably harder
especially when society was not that affluent.
^_^ You’re a good brother. I’m sure your brother will understand, it’s a very touching story and for a minute, it almost made me cry. Your father, in some ways, reminds me of my mother
I think most men have been taught from so early on that they are to be the bread winner that all they’ve been doing is concentrating have a good paying job that they forget they’re your parents also.
most dads are not good communicators and they demonstrate their caring through actions like being a good breadwinner. I am sure he will be more open to talking about other things when you show him that you appreciate all he does for his family!
Hmm most of our parent’s generation were pretty poor growing up so they had to cope with a lot more responsibility and thus, didn’t really have time to work on ‘communication and understanding.’
My dad didn’t have a very good dad
and so it seems like my dad has
trouble being compassionate because of it.
@Roadlesstaken - Yeah. My dad’s upbringing was almost the complete opposite. His family had money, lived a very comfortable life and he had more opportunities than my mom. Plus he was close with both parents. It was easier talking to my dad growing up. It was only after I graduated from high school when my mom and I were finally able to communicate. I misjudged her a lot.
@MariaBoscardin - that makes sense. At least they’re investing some interesting that way instead of neglecting.
@Thoughts_Of_P - Yeah, I just think that style would probably be the best way to prevent future problems.
@ZenPaper – What my brother and I have now seems like a luxury compare to what my dad had. No wonder he didn’t take our crap haha.
@RaquelHiggins005 - aw, thanks for that. Didn’t realize this post would touch people that way.
@GaMeGurLsH - I think that slowly, but surely that notion has been fading out.
@ClassandSass - haha oh I’ve tried here and there, like I get him stuff for Father’s Day or what not. He kind of just goes thanks…and that’s it. Oh well, he is getting softer.
@Dobserver - I’m pretty lucky now that I do have time to work on the whole talking and understanding part. I gotta make sure I remember this when I do have children.
@onlyxlovexremains - Makes sense. Perhaps he will get better at it over time, like my dad seem to be.
@Roadlesstaken - I like me some old fashioned chivalrous man. But hard to find these days LOL.
BTW, why do you have (c) repressed water on your top picture?
@GaMeGurLsH - haha it says repressedwriter. It’s the Xangan that created my banner
Part of the reason I think children have a hard time understanding their parents’ behaviour is because the parents don’t understand it themselves. A lot of who we are is determined by thoughts that eventually become unheard but that still drive us, and it can be really confusing when situations or confrontations change and parents stick to currently-inappropriate schemas. My parents went through counseling a couple years ago and I learned just how much shit they had to work through to be who they are, and how much more they’re currently working through to become better.
Ahh.. now that I’ve grown up, I get to hear my dad tell me how he pushes me and my sister to do better in school, so we can lead a better life and not be looked down upon by other people.
I personally found it to be completely bizarre to learned that other Asian parents actually used the words, “I love you.” My parents never used that. Ever.
I hope I never become my dad, and I mean that. He’s a manipulative liar.
I guess my stepdad is actually a lot like your dad. He would never allow me to give him hugs growing up, say “I love you” or to have my own say, but I always knew deep down that he loved me, no questions asked because he fed me and took me places, even though he complained the whole time.
I wish I had a big brother like you!
That was a very touching story. I’m glad you’ve realized he loves all of you, and I hope your brother understands this, as well =).
good thoughts. i’ve been realizing this past year that different people show love different ways, as well as receive it differently. glad you’re there for your brother. :]
yeah it’s an asian father thing. love isn’t spoken or shown, but through their sheer quiet action…behind the scenes. same goes for my dad……….he lost his own father when he was only 8…and had to be the “man” of the house. showed love for me not through words but through action. cheers that you realised how much your dad loves you.
nice post.
gotta be careful not to overcompensate for our parents’ shortcomings. number one mistake passed down from generation to generation
@randaness - Hmm interesting point. I didn’t even really think about that too much. I wonder if that’s why I’m starting to see a slight change in my dad’s behavior.
@karen0z - Honestly, I don’t know another Asian family that really does as well haha. I feel uncomfortable saying that phrase in general. Probably had to do with all that family reinforcement.
@careless_heart25 - That’s good to hear that at least your step dad treats you better
@CareyGLY - Are you sure? I still pick on my little brother like all the time haha
@xxthatsmexx - Me too. Thanks
@anothersummer - It’s interesting how different styles of love work for different cultures and backgrounds. You should take a cultural psychology class one day if you’re interested in this (I took one my junior year).
@jerlise - actions definitely speak louder than words it seems with my dad. Thanks for your comment!
@dnuwin - For sure. I’ll keep that in mind.
aw this was touching
uhm i have no idea, brooklyn something haha
That’s sweet.
Uhh, my dad is like. Bipolar.>__> he’s really nice to me and my mum sometimes but other times he’s yelling for no reason… Yeah, it’s weird. I just drive somewhere else when he’s mad because he’ll cool down. He’s never done anything but yell, not really.
Sounds a lot like my dad. He’s not the affectionate type and when he does show some kind of affection, it’s always because HE needs to be loved and on the receiving end.
@JetaimeMing - Just look down and you can see the wording! haha
@snapeful - My dad’s sorta the same. At parties, he’s a very loud and happy man. Alone though, he seems irritated at the world at times. *shrugs*
@XndraXstz - I think my dad has yet to show he wanted to feel love from my brother and me. At least, he hasn’t outwardly showed it.
@Roadlesstaken - lol i don’t even know where the shirt is no more
Psychology often helps better relationships with parents, and also maturity. Your brain suddenly clicks in the ways adults do. You’re an excellent brother and awesomely understanding :]
@indiechaos - I like how you worded that, in that it just clicks sometimes
Understanding where other people are coming from goes a long way with relationships.
@SarahLynn_violin - In a way, it’s almost the key to really get intimate with anyone.
aw
@danger__007 -
I don’t have a Dad but my mom is like that
@Daniella_Aalyiah_Li - How do you feel about her?
@Roadlesstaken - Oh I love my Mom…now. When I was younger it was tough…it took a long time for our relationship to get where it is, ha. And I’m more like her than I thought…
there’ always a story behind everything no? and it was very nice of you to explain to your kid brother as to why and your grandpa worked in the philippines?.. kudos!
@windblown85 - Knowledge is power!