May 18, 2009
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You Just Don’t Expect It Sometimes
The word “suicide” started popping up a lot today all of a sudden. Earlier today, I read a post by a Xangan which seemed like it was a suicide letter (hopefully, the worse case scenario doesn’t happen). Later, while reading through a mail about life insurance, the very last bullet point under the Information You Should Know section read “Death by suicide in the first two years is not covered (1 year for Missouri residents).” Just now, I was hanging out with a friend when we started talking about the show House and how shocking it was when Kutner commited suicide on that show.
You know what makes this even more weird? I was actually in the process of writing about this topic for the past week or so, but held back because I wasn’t sure what to say. I still really don’t, but seeing as it’s in my head today I’ll write all that I can for now.
While in San Diego, I found out from my old high school friend that a mutual friend of ours passed away in March, supposedly from suicide. The thing that made this extremely shocking for me was that this friend was probably the last person I would ever think would do such a thing. She was one of those cheerful people that always smiles when she greets you (kind of like how I am). She was in the process of finishing up her masters and was at the time engaged as well, so those elements made this news even more boggling.
So what happened? There seemed to be no warning, i.e. note or change of behavior. What could have been so distraughtful to my friend that she chose this route, a route I would never have guessed? It’s such a big difference from reading/studying suicide at school and actually experiencing the event in real life, that’s for sure.
I still find myself experiencing all five stages of grief. I was in denial that such a thing could ever happen to my friend, one of the sweetest person I knew. I was angry that I didn’t hear about this sooner, or else I would have loved to attend her funeral to pay my final respects. I found myself trying to bargain with God in my head, asking him if he could just send me back in time for a brief moment so I could try to talk her out of it. I felt sad of course that there was something in this world that can drive my friend down this unimaginable path.
I’ve more or less accepted it happened, as much as I really don’t want to. I’m not walking around constantly distressed or anything, but I’m definitely still thinking about it. Whenever the topic of suicide comes up (as it has today), I find myself feeling just as shock and emotional as I was the first time I heard the news.
I really don’t have any grand final thoughts on this topic yet. Perhaps I will revisit this later when I have it more figured out in my head. We’ll see.
I miss you Tejal. Thank you for being a part of my life.
Comments (80)
I’m sorry for your loss.
Sadly, she chose to the take the road less taken. As someone who’s thought about suicide before, I can tell you that it’s definitely not something you decide overnight, or over a month for a that matter. It’s a buildup of feeling helpless, up to a point where you feel it’s much easier to just erase everything by erasing your life.
I attempted suicide twice so i know how you feel. my friend saved me the first time . & i failed the second time.
looking at me..you would never guess that i was suicidal.
but you never know…the happiest ppl can sometimes be the loneliest.
wow…I would hate to hear something like that. A close friend of mine repeatedly tried to commit suicide because of her home life (horrible situation) and I remember being so devastated that in middle school I would call up hotlines and even talked to the people of the yellow cross to start up a suicide prevention program. She went through counseling and In 10th grade her and her mom finally got out of that situation. Also, one of my friends, his father committed suicide when he was about 11, 6 years after his mom died. He’s about 20 and it still haunts him.
A few of my frds were suicidal at one point in their life, they’re not suicidal anymore *thank goodness!
One was saved by her father who found her in the bathroom with blood pouring out from her wrist..My other frd was unsuccessful when she tried – she did it because of her ex >w<Then another frd was drying to overdose on pills but again was unsuccessful..Its hard, and generally people do wonder why people do such things, I guess maybe its something we may never understand and we’ll always be asking the same question ‘Why?’
I have a friend who try to kill themselves. She attempted many times and yet it fail, but she is still alive. I’ve stop her a couple of times, but she try to do something stupid. sad, but true
Wow – I actually caught up with a high school friend this weekend and found out three of our classmates had committed suicide. It’s really shocking and scary when it hits close to home like that.
On the upside, you have future dates with bubble tea girls and various other shenanigans to look forward to AND I decided to forgive you for sending flowers to another woman. Things are looking up for you today!
I went to a seance one just for the heck of it and a person asked the mediator about someone who chose suicide and the woman who was the “psychic” said an interesting thing I won’t forget. She said something like ” Do not be sad for those who chose that path for they forged it for themselves before they were born. He is much happier out of his body now than he was when he was on this plane called Earth. It is not a tragedy if a person decides to do suicide, we should respect their decision and believe they are in a good place now.”
It was kind of creepy but she made it feel as if it were a peaceful way to go. I don’t agree of course because no matter how bad things are, they will always turn around and there is no greater pleasure than growing old and then eventually go through death. It is sad that some people resort to this but like one of my friends said “We shouldn’t judge, maybe she just got tired of life, no matter how old she was”. She said that when someone she knew killed herself.
There are different ways to look at it I guess but in the end it’s still sad and it’s still something we cannot explain and we can only wish we had a clue as to why the person chose to do that. I am sorry to hear about your loss, it is always devastating, no matter the way in which death occurs,
I still find myself experiencing all five stages of grief.
i experience those too through out my life..
the pain doesn’t go away really…
but you learn to live and deal with it….
thats my opinion though
*hugs*
I asked a friend on IM about topics to write half-a-week ago. She said suicide. I was horrified and worried about her.
sorry you lost your friend
I never find the topic of suicide to be an issue to be taken lightly or as a joke either, and sometimes I wonder why people go the extent they do to get some new readers. I guess since you majored in psychology too, that you know all about reality of suicide. Often no one even realizes the person was depressed and almost never is there a suicide note. I’ve known a couple people in my life already who have gone that route and to this day no one really knows why these people did it. Like you said-these people are seemingly happy people with so many wonderful things before them, but depression skews people’s perspectives. The reason the media doesn’t publicize suicides (we have a lot of jumpers—either bridges or onto the skytrain tracks–where I am) because it’s tasteless–especially when a certain number of people around us are suicidal and do not need the validation they need to go ahead and do it.
I am so sorry for your loss. My prayers go out to her, her family and loved ones, and to you.
its sad…
sorry bout your friend..
Darkness Visible by William Styron.
Suicide is rather undescribable.
I also have had a lot of suicide-related thoughts (not suicidal thoughts, just… thoughts about the topic) floating around in my head recently. I don’t really have anyone to have a discussion with to hash it all out, though, so they’ll probably be brewing for awhile. But if you talk about it, I’ll definitely be interested in hearing it.
@SilentSeekr - thank you
@wutuwaitn4 - Yeah, I figured it was something that just builds up over time. I wish I knew what it was that was bothering her for so long that could drive her that direction. What was making you feel that way before? Hopefully that’s long in the past.
@asdfghjkieu - ! Omg…well I’m glad you’re still around. You’re not gonna attempt it again anytime soon right?
@RaquelHiggins005 - I bet. If any of my family members committed suicide I would be so affected by that for a long long time. Hopefully I won’t have to worry about that.
I survived suicide and chronic depression. One can’t really explain why suicide seems the best option at that point in time. I’m sorry for your loss.
@mixedbabiesrock - Weird, very similar over here. Over the course of a month 3 of my old high school classmates died, but in various ways. It’s crazy.
I’m glad you forgave me
. Btw, I sent her an umbrella, not flowers (inside joke). Besides, flowers are so cliche.
@missedout_onlife - I’m definitely not judging her. I’m just so boggled by the fact she did it, even though it seems she has everything to look forward to (i.e. marriage, graduating from graduate school). I don’t think I’ll understand this anytime soon.
@bluedreamer85 - Yeah, I’m dealing with it pretty alright I think. She was a good friend but we weren’t super close. Even so, she’s the closest person I’ve known that died, so it’s definitely a big thing for me.
@Paul_Partisan - Thanks. Suicide is quite the topic isn’t it?
@lil_squirrel4ever - That’s what makes me worried a little; if something like this could happen to my friend, what makes me safe? Luckily I haven’t thought about suicide for myself, but I’m nervous that in the future something so bad could happen that could lead me thinking that route. Hopefully I don’t.
@Lynn1013 - Thank you. More prayers for her family than me, since I feel so horrible for them. Such sadness.
@s_h_a_sha - Yeah, suicide amongst our age group is quite common so it’s not surprising. Doesn’t make it less of an important issue to deal with though.
@indiechaos - Is that a book about suicide I’m guessing?
@randaness - I think suicide-related thoughts are very common. Almost everyone could probably admit to having thought about it at one point or another. We all just gotta realize we are never as alone as we think we are.
@reckless_eagle - Thanks. I’m glad you did survive it. What ended up helping you most to get out of that slump?
I am so sorry for your loss.
Suicide…it’s a topic I seldom discuss. It’s not for a shortage of stories, but rather the fear of giving certain things a voice. In time perhaps…
Wishing you and those who feel the same loss all the comfort,
Taylor.
I’m sorry for your loss. I wish I could tell you something that would make you feel better, but I think it’s something you have to do on your own. I’m here to listen, though =].
Some people put on happy faces for others to see while they are very depressed on the inside. This person who was pretty, popular, and smart decided to pull the trigger with a gun to her head. She really had everything going for her. It seriously takes guts to do something like that. It’s sad, that it could have been prevented. If someone only knew at the time. But the world doesn’t work this way.
I have worked with patients that were suicidal; some were a harm to others but mostly to themselves. Most of the time, it was a cry for help; they wanted the attention they never received. Severe trauma must have occurred for them to think those thoughts. As for me, I could never work in a psychiatric facility; I’m not that emotionally strong to handle depression, bipolar disorder, paranoid schizophrenia, etc… on a daily basis. But that’s just me.
Sorry for your loss.
I’ve been dealing with chronic depression for a really long time. Most people probably wouldn’t even realize it. I’m so sorry about your friend. But I can’t see myself ever committing suicide. She most have been in a lot of pain (emotionally). At least she’s in a better place now, though.
@skylar_rose - I think I know what you mean. It’s part of the reason why I was holding back on talking about it, but it seems like I couldn’t keep it just in my head any longer.
@xxthatsmexx - Thanks. I feel alright fortunately. It’s just a sad thought that have linger in the back of my mind ever since I found out. Of all the people I’ve known I truly didn’t expect her to have done it.
@Passenger00 - I know what you mean. I can sometimes put up a front where I look happy but I’m really having a crappy day. I hope I never have to go that far though.
@strawberries_and_honey - I don’t think I could handle it either. I would care way too much.
@B1ANCACACA - I’m glad you don’t ever see yourself doing it. I feel the same way, but things like this make me wonder sometimes how vulnerable I could be.
@BabyGurlDragon88 - You’re a good friend. Continue on
@balebalebu - I think for some people it’s easier to understand than others, like those that outwardly show they are sad and depressed. My friend did not show anything, which is really what’s boggling. I just don’t get it.
@Roadlesstaken - yeah, well mostly about depression. matter of fact, in my psych book they did a little sidebar about William Styron in the section about depression. Its a short but very enlightening read. basically explaining what you can’t explain about depression until you’ve lived it.
I feel that I can’t relate to how you’re feeling at the moment. I graduated the class of 2007… I’m quite young. In the last two years three of my classmates have die in the last two years. One from suicide (my almost prom date). One from a shooting. One from a fatal car crash. It makes me very sad to think that my friends are no longer with me, and it’s tragic that they die so young. But I have realized that life is too short and nothing in life is guaranteed to you. Thinking back I wish I could have made more memories, and told them how glad I was to have them in my life. Now I just want to live my life to the fullest… make every moment count.
It is a difficult topic to think about, let alone discuss about it. I witnessed someone commit suicide a few years ago during my Freshman year of college, and there was no way I could have stopped it from happening. I did not know this person personally, but she was in one of my classes and I did speak to her a couple of times. Sometimes, there aren’t obvious signs that someone is having a difficult time and have been pondering about ending his/her life. It would be great if there were tell-tale signs, so then we could prevent the suicide from happening. However, we can’t always be responsible for other people’s actions. Those who committed suicide, chose to do so. Sure, there were probably external forces that lead to a person to commit suicide, but no one directly cause the person to end his/her life.
ignorance saved my life.
I’m really sorry for your loss. Don’t harbor the guilt, though; just remember that you were a friend to her and that you were both fortunate enough to be a part of each others’ lives. Celebrate the time you had together. (Cliche, but true.)
It hurts so much when something like that happens.
I can’t imagine to say…
I’m glad that you had the…strength (? not sure if that’s the right diction word) to write this post about suicide. I also read that Xangan’s post, and it just breaks my heart thinking about it. It’s kind that you still care for a good friend like that; I’m touched to hear about it.
@Roadlesstaken - Yea I know what you mean
i agree, suicide has been randomly popping up a lot lately in my life too! its scary and sad…
i’ve not really been a stranger to it either, i’ve known several people who have either attempted or suceeded in commiting suicide. i’m sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss. The person still lives in our hearts.
I had a friend Andrew who died on March 6 from a heart condition at age 19. If all of his friends had to give up some time of their life just so that he can live longer, we would have.
I am still shocked, feeling some feelings you are experiencing. There are still times when memories pop up that are bitter sweet.
Perhaps, this happened to wake us up from our lives, to wake up our own consciousness about just how precious our friendships are, our lives are. What we have today truly may not be there tomorrow.
And I hope that xangan is alright, John is working on it as he pulsed about it.
Dang. Although she does seem to have goals, she wasnt happy at the same time. How could one think of sucide with a busy schedule and promising future? For me, drowning myself with a lot of work helps to keep off negative thoughts.
People would be surprised by how well some can hide their grief…
I”m very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this intimate part of your life with us.
I’ve comforted suicidal friends on several occasions, and I thank God every day that they’re still alive. Fortunately, no one I know has successfully committed suicide, but there are often scares. I’m not shocked by talk of suicide, but it can still be very frightening… when they stop talking about it. I’ve been left with dead air on the other end of the line on more than one occasion and had to wonder whether my friend was still alive. Yesterday I saw more than one close call. But it was a good day because they overcame.
No one can understand the decision to commit suicide except the person who makes it. It must be awful. I have been in the throes of depression myself before but am obviously still here. I am thankful that I have not been that low and these times have passed.
Suicide is a shock to anyone left in its wake. A shock that never really goes away as there will never be a rational answer.
@nice_girl589 - I’m guessing you meant you can relate right? That’s horrible to hear about what you have already experienced. It really does make you think about life and death a lot more after these types of events happen. Being young, we like to think we are invincible, but these type of events sure can bring us back down to reality.
@ladyofthesilk - You actually witnessed it?? Wow…yeah, I totally understand what you’re saying. Still, if only the signs were more apparent…
@xclamation_love - ? How so?
@wherethefishlives - Thanks. The main guilt I feel is just that I didn’t find out when it happened. She died right around the time I decided not to use Facebook as much, so I missed all the sudden messages about her. I wished I could have attended her funeral.
@angelwhite99 - Yeah, I’ve been meaning to write about it but I wasn’t sure what to write. I’m still not sure, but I’m glad I put something down. It’s a new experience for me.
@Roadlesstaken - Yes, I and many others witnessed her jump off a building. This was one of the incidents that really changed my perspective on life and helped me realize that life is precious and it can be taken away so easily.
You’re so right. Suicide is popping up a lot lately… especially on Xanga. I never really know what to say hen I’m confronted with those kinds of posts. I don’t know what a “sorry” or a “don’t” or a “maybe there was just nothing you could do”… could really amount to. people who have the will to actually end their own lives must obviously need a lot of help… its just a shame that not a lot of people notice it.
suicide isn’t common within my friends. heck if anyone would do it, it’d probably be me. so i dont have to worry about the grief of having a friend suicidedd at least.
What people don’t realize is that suicide ENDS their problems, but it’s just the beginning for those left behind. Very sad. I’m so sorry for your loss!!
i lost a good friend a couple of years ago too. you’re right when you say it’s different that reading about it or studying it. things never seem real until they happen to you. i’m praying for you. i hope all will get better.
I know what you mean, I mean we all get to a point where we say we’d rather die than do something but most of us don’t actually feel that deep or act on it. I remember my friend back in highschool. I was in my 2nd year of college and my other mutual friend found out that our friend’s sister had commited suicide, she was in highschool at the time. She had hung herself in her closet with a belt. I didn’t know her well but from what I was told no one saw it coming either, she was a cheerleader, friendly with everyone, great family, had money, had alot going on for her. I haven’t talked to my friend in a long time but I believe they’re still baffled as to why, since there was no note or anything. It is a scary thing, that something can seem so bad to take their own lives, I’m too much of a wuss I couldn’t do it lol, but that’s a good thing. I am sorry for your loss and the shock that comes with it, and I don’t think anyone will know what was going through her head except for her.
I’ve dated a girl who tried to commit suicide during her previous relationship because of a psycho ex. There wasn’t really much that I could have done during the time I was with her. I just showed her the utmost care, attention, and “like” that I could give her. She cut her wrists, she freaked out often, but I held my ground. I lost contact with her years ago.
After reading your post, I’m now determined to check to see if she’s still doing ok. Not sure how…
Beautifully written…
I’m so sorry about that
I understand how difficult it is to deal with the loss of a friend, although I’ve (luckily) never experienced one. As for suicide and how surprising it can be, well, the happiest people have problems too, some of them maybe even greater than those of an average person. People can be beasts at hiding their true feelings, that’s all I can say. I just wish that everyone would support each other, that there would be less hating, and that each individual would merely make a little effort to make life easier to everyone else. Seriously, this world has already got enough issues itself, people then, should just stop creating more trouble for each other. That way, the world would be less disastrous and less people would be feeling hopeless and depressed, and therefore, not resort to suicide. Yea, sorry this was a bit emo 
Anyways, sorry for your loss again.
@Xx_Kittt_xX - Thanks. I kinda figured I’d eventually get some real life experience with suicide. Just wasn’t expecting it to be anyone like her.
@Shades_of_Athena - March must have been a bad month because that’s when 2 other people from my school died too, one from a heart condition as well. So crazy.
Thankfully that Xangan is alright; she recently wrote up another post saying that the rope she used failed. Hopefully she doesn’t attempt it again.
@iso_whiteSnow - exactly, that’s so boggling to me. She seemed to have so much to look forward to and I just don’t understand what would make her turn away from all of that.
@grammarboy - Wow that’s crazy! I’ve been fortunate enough not to have dealt with this issue for the longest time, so this is definitely a new experience for me.
@Orlando - Very well said sir. I’m glad you were able to make it out of your pass low times.
@ladyofthesilk - 0_0 that’s unbelievable. I would be shell shocked for a while if I ever saw that. I’m sorry you had to.
@theRyeCatcher - It’s a big shame. I totally understand what you mean about not knowing what to say, as I sorta had that feeling before writing this. Shoot, I’m still sorta feeling that way.
@babyblue5201314 - Yeah, I hope you don’t! I rather have you around
@CH1216a - So very true. I wonder if my friend realized how much of an impact she made on everyone.
@jess_i_cuh - Thank you, I think I’ll be okay. I’m more worried about her family; I really hope they are doing alright.
I think so, but I sound like a dumbass so idk lol =)
& I didn’t comment this post cause I didn’t know what to say to it =/
You write such great posts, they really get me thinking. I’m so sorry about it.
@Roadlesstaken - hehe i try my best ^_^
@B1ANCACACA -
Let’s just HOPE that she’s in a better place.. :[
@Roadlesstaken - yeah, sometimes it feels worse when its the people you’d never expect.
@Drugsy - It’s entirely baffling when stuff like this happen to people that seem to be very well off. Thanks for sharing a little of your story.
@eman - You’re a good man. I wish you luck on finding her!
@Mac_Libureet - Thank you. This was just all my thoughts I had about this at the time, so I’m glad they make sense to the people that have read this.
@xx_x_beautifully_broken_x_xx - I don’t think your comment was very emo, but very hopeful. I liked it
.
@JetaimeMing - it’s okay, I don’t know if I have said all that I really want to say either. It’s a tough topic.
@yankeesrock92715 - Thank you, I’m glad my post does that for you
@BlehhItsTu - Yes, let’s hope. Despite the act, I think she deserves to be because she was a great person while she was here.
It sucks, what can we say? Sorry, sorry, sorry and just keep wondering why. Often times it is so undescribable.
I remember when I first told my parents that I wanted to kill myself. It destroyed their world. I went to a therapist like once or twice and they put me on depression meds. I didn’t take them that long before I just told my parents I was over it and I was just stressed out.
I lied.
I was battling chronic depression for years through middle school and well into high school.
Though I am so much happier with my life now, the ideas of offing myself are never that far behind, but I constantly reminds myself of how selfish that would be of me to choose a path like that. I have much to live for, much to take care of, and much to do regardless of what things may feel like. I have to get over it.
I know that no matter how many years pass me by, the thoughts will remain, hidden behind all the happiness I try to believe in. I am genuinely happy with the direction of my life, but times are trying. They will bring me down but I’ve been through so much that I can’t just stop here. I have to keep going to tell the tale.
I haven’t had someone close to me successfully kill themselves, but I have had several friends that tried to.
Freshman year I think, one of my best friends overdosed. I was distraught. She was anorexic/bulemic/depressed and suicidal. Never the best mix. As much as it hurt me and everyone around her, I understood her pain, her longing to let go of things and quit. But for so long I told myself, I will never be that selfish. I will never be that greedy. My life is here to serve for others, and if I take that away now, who will take care of the far less fortunate? That’s what keeps me going. I deserve more than pain and anguish and so do others.
If I can’t live for myself, then live for others. Live for family, for friends, for those didn’t live, for those who couldn’t live and for those who chose not to live. But most importantly, I fell in love with living, breathing. As much as the depressing ideas haunt me from time to time, I remember the joys of breathing and moving in a direction that will lead me to a far happier life. Life can be good, if we choose to let it be good to us.
I can somewhat understand this uncomfortable feeling topic. once, A good friend of mine came to me and without directly saying it, told me she was suicidal. She had large cuts on her thighs and upper arms and would cry constantly. I felt so incredibly helpless. We talked for over two hours and she seemed to cool down a little. I was unnerved and unsure if I should tell someone. Luckily it has been over a year since then and she seems to be doing much better. Her family problems have gotten better, and she has a new boyfriend who takes excellent care of her.
Another run in I had with the suicide topic was at a good friends graduation ceremony recently. She was giving a valedictorian speech, and halfway through she stopped reading and looked up. She then proceeded to ignore the censored paper approved by the school administration and told her true story. She named several people, including myself, who had supposedly saved her from committing suicide. Her father had run off with her math teacher and many things were going wrong and she became severely depressed. The thing is, she never told anyone. I never knew till that day at graduation. The only reason she got through it was because we didn’t know, and we continued to treat her as any other human being. I beleive we would have done this anyhow, but it was her choice to keep it hidden.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that you never really know whats going on. some people will try and share their story and their pain, and others will not. Either way, its impossible to tell what someones inner thoughts are. We do the best we can and that’s all we can do.
I’m sorry for your loss and hope you find your peace soon.
-Summer
Sorry for your losses. I don’t know what to say about suicides except I’ve thought about it during high school days but I know I will NEVER EVER commit suicide. Doesn’t solve anything. But in a way, as evil and immoral as it sounds, if we can’t control a person who WANTS to TAKE drugs, or who WANTS to date a particular someone whom everyone else hates…do we really have control over someone who wants to end their lives? What if that person really believes (w/unintentional selfishness) that ending their lives will bring them peace and harmony? It really is a big shame though, I wouldn’t recommend that route to anyone.
aww alex. I’m sorry for your loss as well.
@Roadlesstaken - I understand, it’s hard to kinda put into words.
@PiscesPhishie - Good, I’m glad to hear that you’re being strong despite having that thought in the back of your mind. Life can be very good; we just gotta weather through the trying times as best as we possibly can.
@summerbeanrox - Wow, your valedictorian friend was really brave to say her story in front of everyone! Thank you for telling me some of your stories and I’m thankful for your well wishes.
@GaMeGurLsH - I know what you’re saying. That’s why I always have a hard time passing judgment on suicide victims. I don’t feel I am in any good position to judge someone based on that.
@pasaway4eva - Thanks Rosalie
I have NO IDEA what ore variation is lol or are you just lying to me cause I’m gullible?
@JetaimeMing - I don’t know, am I?
@Roadlesstaken - Meanie! I can’t tell cause you’re unpredictable =P
Suicide and depression are hard, scary, and intense topics to talk about. I live with someone who has bipolar disorder and to see him go through his ups and downs everyday is like the most, i don’t even know really. I’m so sorry for your loss and I pray for you and her family during these times.
There are some people whose happy faces camouflage inner despair and these are those who are more prone to suicide. I’m sorry you lost this friend of yours.
@xxLilPauliexx - Thank you, I appreciate it
@icapillas - That is very true. It sure makes me see certain people differently. I wonder sometimes what’s really going on in their heads.
when i was in eighth grade, two acquaintances committed suicide. ninth grade, and another two did themeslves in. i’ll never know what they were going through or how alone they felt so who am to say anything? but even as i think about it now, i’m mad at such a waste. why couldn’t they see the redeeming qualities in themselves? why couldn’t they see the consequences of their actions? or were they so cruel as to anticipate everyone’s reactions?
and then there’s people everyday who beg for one more second of life. cancer and car accidents and murders… all lives taken unwillingly. hearing of suicide always makes me more angry than sad, no matter how close that perosn was to me and i’m sorry for that.
@AzNGiRL4EvaH - I can see where you’re coming from. Sigh it’s gonna be some time before I will ever fully understand suicide.
I’m sorry for your loss, though it seems that the most happy-go-lucky seeming people are usually the ones that end up being suicidal. I think I might’ve read that somewhere, but from personal experience, it seems true enough. It’s usually the ones that seem so happy and friendly that have those dark thoughts. Maybe they don’t want anyone to worry about them and that’s why they never show it? *shrugs* Who knows?
@Rhia_Pyrithea - If that’s the case I’m in big trouble 0_0. Nah, I don’t think I would have it in me to commit suicide. I enjoy life and the possibilities in life far too much.
@Roadlesstaken - That’s awesome. Totally the way it should be if you ask me. Life’s too much fun to end it early. ^.^
i’m sorry for your losss… i know how u felt ..it’s very sadd ! anyway be strong ya!
@escapethefate09 - Thanks for your concerns! I’ll be alright.
@Roadlesstaken – thanks for always replying to everyone’s comments by the way, including mine.I think it means a lot to the xanga community to really interact and learn from each other. keep it up!
@summerbeanrox - no problem, it’s just common courtesy I think
Quite useful piece of writing, thanks for this post.
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