I finally decided to clean out my wallet, something I haven’t done in a while.  I was able to get rid of a lot of crap I don’t need anymore, such as old random movie ticket stubs (did I really buy two tickets to go see The Ugly Truth??  Totally wasn’t worth it), expired cards/gift certificates (shoot, I missed out using a $20 gift certificate by one day!), and old dentist appointment reminder cards (I just had my cleaning this week.  My card said I should have had it back in January 2009.  Whoops.)  I even found a five years old receipt tucked inside from when I bought a promise ring for an old girlfriend (which, coincidentally, you will hear more about in an upcoming post.  More on that later).

Among all of the stuff I pulled out, there was one that was the weirdest of them all.  If someone had stolen my wallet and found this particular receipt, I’m sure he/she would be baffled as to why the hell (no pun intended) this was in there:

Apparently, my soul is only worth $1

I don’t have many memories involving weddings.  That fact seems odd to me seeing as so many people I’ve grown up with have gotten married in the past 4-5 years.  Perhaps I wasn’t really close to them (or perhaps I got blacklisted, whatever).  Anyway, I have to look way back into my past in order to remember the limited wedding experiences I did have.  Two memories comes to mind, neither one being so great.  Actually, come to think of it they’re both rather embarrassing.

The first memory took place when I was only seven years old.  I somehow got appointed as the ring boy at a family friend’s wedding and I was extremely nervous.  I was trusted with holding the all important wedding ring throughout the ceremony and I did not want to mess up my only job.  I was determined to be the best ring boy that I could be and came up with a plan.  I ended up standing as still as a statue, looking straight out at the audience.  I was scared to move, fearing I would drop the ring or distract the ceremony in any way.  In fact, I only remember moving one time throughout it all.  My arm was cramping from holding up the pillow with the ring, so when I thought no one would see I quickly swapped my hand with the other one.  Oh, I was as slick as a ninja!  So I thought.

Later on, I found out that my behavior was quite noticeable to most of the audience.  When my parents showed me the tape of the ceremony, I could hear people chatting about me in the background, wondering why I was being so serious and stoic.  Apparently, even the priest stopped talking at one point and asked me if I was okay.  I must have been so focused I totally missed his inquiry!  Well, at least I know in future weddings that keeping completely still is not required.

My second wedding memory barely counts, seeing as the wedding wasn’t real in the first place.  It’s a funny story though, so let me explain.  I was in 4th grade and it was recess time.  I noticed a bunch of kids sitting on the bleachers, which was weird seeing as there was nobody out in the field playing sports.  I went over to the bleachers to see what was going on and saw three kids standing in front of the audience.  What it turned out to be was a “couple” in 5th grade getting “married”, with a fake priest and all. 

I thought it was rather dumb, so I left.  On my way back to my other friends, the smart girl (we all have one of those in our class) asked me what was going on over there.  I told her, than went on my merry way not thinking too much about it.

Now, here I was playing an innocent game of four squares with my friends when we noticed a bunch of angry looking kids heading towards our direction.  Uh oh.  When they got to us, the “couple” stared me down and demanded why I had to tattle on their private ceremony.  Huh??

As it turned out, it was that smart girl that tattled to the teachers about what was going on, so the teachers had to put a stop to it.  When the kids questioned the smart girl about what happened, she basically put the blame on me.  I guess being the smart girl has its benefits as they all believed her and turned on me. 

Long story short, I spent the rest of recess trying to plead my case all the while walking (and eventually running) away from the big angry mob.  My four square buddies carried on their game without me.  Those jerks -__-

You see why I could use some new wedding memories?  May the new memories I’ll eventually make turn out to be more fruitful!

Time for another XangaSecret video, inspired by the wonderful PostSecret.  Only one volume this time, but it’s a dense one containing 37 secrets from your fellow Xangans.  I believe this edition also has the most user specific secrets, as well as some of the most interesting secrets I’ve received so far.  There’s even one joke secret in this (which shouldn’t be too hard to spot).  Alright, enough of me talking about it.  Check out the video below and see for yourself.  I’m quite curious how people will response to certain secrets I thought were surprising.

RE:  When I first came to Xanga, I was writing for attention and nothing sounded like something I would say. I’m not sure how she found me, but she was my first friend, and everything she wrote inspired me to write something almost as beautiful as what I read on her site. She’s my inspiration.

Now, whenever I write something, it doesn’t matter if it’s about somebody else. There’s always a piece of something I write that has to do with her. I get the satisfaction of knowing that she’s read every single one of the things I’ve written on this site, and she loves them all. If only she knew that what she’s loving, is me loving her.

“I cried when I read it wishing it was about me.  Thinking it could have been.  And realizing it’s why I haven’t written a whole lot lately.  The person that I started writing for, hoping he was writing for me…has all but disappeared.  I have no idea why.  And honestly, I know he didn’t feel the same way….but I still wrote for him.  He seemed to see something in me that few people did.  Or least saw it in a way that felt more genuine.  I miss him.  I miss seeing his footprints.  I miss his comments, his encouragement and his shameless flirting.  Knowing that he probably won’t read what I write anymore takes a bit of the joy out of writing.

That’s incredibly pathetic.  I loved to write long before I knew him.  I still have much to say.  And I should write no matter who reads it.  It’s just gotten a bit harder.” -repressedwriter

RE:  Roadlesstaken, I think you’re cute & definitely have a crush on you. I read almost every entry that you post, but I have not commented you yet. I’m embarrassed to say anything stupid and I’m also afraid that you won’t reply.

“There’s really nothing to be afraid of.  I hope to hear from you sometime soon!” -Alex

RE: I always feel like like my Xanga is inadequate. I never truly feel like a member of the Xanga community, and I desperately want to be heard. Sometimes, Xanga is all I have…

“Message me, comment me, e-prop me, anything babe. I’m a *true* Xangan (see badge below) and I make the effort to reply to everything I’m sent. I’ll be your friend, and I’ll do my best to make you feel like you belong.” -Pink_TeaCups

“I feel the same way (: I’m a good listener I promise … message me, okay?  You’re not alone in this world. Reading that was like looking into a reflection in a mirror.  It almost made me cry.” – raggedydoll

RE: I have a crush on genesis83.

“life is far too short live in secrecy–your next step may be your last. let’s not waste our time on the steps that take us around in circles, instead, live life with earnest attempt at life and without a moment of regret.” -genesis83

RE: I have hundreds of friends and subscribers, have been featured on both the main page and ish sites several times, regularly write posts that make most rec’d or top blogs, yet I have never been “interviewed” by any of my Xanga friends or had a post dedicated to me by those who regularly write posts upholding other bloggers they find interesting or inspirational. I have never been turned into a cartoon or drawing, been part of a video, or received a shout out in another’s blog.

I hate myself for feeling sad about this. Then, I blame myself because despite my occasional ability to churn out a thought-provoking post, I suck at connecting with my Xanga friends on a personal level. You all deserve way more attention than I give you.

“Send me some photos, and I can fix that!” – methodElevated

“I’ve felt that before. Another person in my family felt that way in her adolescence, too, and she said that the only reason she never killed herself is because she was afraid of failing at that, too. I wish I could help whoever posted that. Sometimes hashing it out with a complete stranger can be amazingly healing. So if s/he feels like it, s/he should message me or something.” -randaness

RE: I met a Xangan. I should have kissed him when I had the chance. 

“I’m learning that regrets are the only true thing I can’t stand in this world. Next time you meet a Xangan, just go for it.. ” -MochaSprinkle

RE: I broke into an old, abandoned house and stole family photos, postcards, and love letters dating back to the early 1950′s. They are all so beautiful and I am dying to share them with the world somehow.

“Some one did this to my family house years ago. It is the house my great grandmother, grandmother and mother grew up in. It is eight hours away from where we currently live and we only get to go down there about once every two years. When we do we do not stay in the house. All my grandparents and great grandparents things are still there though. My mother would do anything to get her family photos back. You should absolutely share them with everyone you can.  Maybe it is their family you have a picture.” -greenwoman

RE: I once cheated on my girlfriend.  She never found out.  We’re still dating.  I feel guilty everyday, but I can’t tell her for fear that she’ll leave me.

“If you love her like you say you do, then tell her and see if she will forgive you. Living a lie your entire life won’t excuse what you did. She can find someone else who will appreciate and respect her. Where is the trust in your relationship? Every time you kiss her and she says she loves you, you’ll always remember that moment when you made love to another woman. I feel sorry for the poor girl. You will make the girl want to kill herself when you finally decide to tell her after fifty years of marriage. I’d hate the man who did that to me.” -Pearls_of_Trust

“Don’t be afraid to talk to your girlfriend. Explain that you are willing to change and ask her for a chance. My husband cheated on me in the first few months of our relationship – it sucked and it’s still hard for me to deal with sometimes, but we’ve made it work. Telling her now is better than her finding out later, trust me. Even if you lose the relationship now, you DEFINITELY will later when she finds out… and believe me, it will happen whether you tell her or not. I’ll pray she’s understanding. If you can show her that you really do love her and want to change and want to be trustworthy, you have a chance.” -Anonymous
—————————————————————————————————————

I will post up more good replies to these secrets on this post as they come.  Feel free to leave me some anonymous secrets below and perhaps they will appear in the next one.  For more information on how to submit a secret and how this all works, check out some of the previous XangaSecret posts:

What’s Your XangaSecret?
XangaSecret: Volume I and Volume II
XangaSecret: Volume III and Volume IV
XangaSecret: Volume V and Volume VI

P.S. Thanks to Matt for allowing me to use his song “Free Spirit” for this video.

Does that make sense to you?  If it sounds familiar, you might have recognized it from a line in (500) Days of Summer (a movie I recently bought on DVD.  Totally worth it!).  At one point during the movie, somebody mentions part of a quote by Henry Miller, which in it’s entirety states “There are only three things to be done with a woman.  You can love her, suffer for her, or turn her into literature.”

That last part about turning her into literature kept repeating itself in my head long after I finished watching the movie and I could not understand why at the time.  I pondered this for a while until it finally became obvious.  When all things are said and done, this is the underlying fuel that pushes me to write.

Back when I really got into writing (about a year and a half ago), it was actually the Korean movie My Sassy Girl that inspired me to put more of my thoughts down.  The movie was based on a true story about a man who had posted a series of love letters on his blog, which later turned into a book.  The main guy character does something similar as well while waiting for his girl to return.  I figured if it worked out for them, why not me?  So, I began to jot down my adventures and misadventures hoping it would help heal some of my ailments.

At that point of my life, I was still dealing with recurring issues concerning a past love that would not go away.  I could no longer love her and I was absolutely tired of suffering for her, so I proceeded to the third choice.  Writing my experiences down and reading what others have to say, I began seeing my problems from a different, less biased perspective.  By gaining understanding of my personal issues through this method, I often realized things happened exactly as it should have and in a lot of ways I needed them to happen in order to grow.  Over time, I expanded my writing to cover not only the “her”s in my life but also other ordeals relating to friends, family, work, school, and just life in general.

Although not everyone’s main reason for writing is the same as mine, I’m sure there are people that would claim this to be their driving force too.  It’s very interesting how writing can have such a therapeutic factor, as simple as it is.  I write about other stuff that aren’t related to my woes of course, but when the opportunity arises I enjoy turning my obstacles into literature. In doing so, I feel like I become more at ease and prepared for whatever life wants to throw at me. 

If, in the future, I’m tempted to stop writing, I just need to remind myself how writing has allowed me to make sense of the chaos that swirls all around.  That’s all the motivation I’ll ever need to keep me going.

Many of you are probably aware that I’ve been traveling a lot this past year.  I must admit, it has been an addicting hobby of mine.  I just really love seeing new scenery and meeting different people.  I think the biggest thrill of traveling for me is being able to escape my life here in Maryland, even if it’s only temporary.  In a lot of ways, I feel like I’m trying to find something that’s missing in my life right now.  I thought about it really hard on the bus ride back from New York and I still haven’t concluded where all these feelings are coming from exactly.  Hmm.  Perhaps I’ll revisit this topic in the near future.

For now, let me recap this past weekend trip to New York City:

Bull penis, anyone?

The lovely xkthily was my tour guide for most of the weekend =)

Time Square at night with some old friends

A visit to the M&M Store.  Is it just me, or is the yellow M&M posing like he’s about to take a crap?

David Blaine doing a marathon for Haiti in the middle of Time Square.  Apparently, he stayed there for 72 straight hours!

Took us some time (and a ton of walking), but we finally all met up at Rockafeller Center.  Left to right: Trigger821, RaquelHiggins005, me, xkthily

The seaport was quite a view.  I didn’t even know this area existed!

Trigger821 really wanted us to do a funny pose, so we allowed him direct us on what to do.  My friend took a series of pictures to show the long process:


(click thumbnail to enlarge)

Our final pose result:

Look at those silly people

Finally had me some of Joe’s Shanghai famous soup dumplings

Mmmmm yummy

Of course, this recap can’t end without some video clips:

Until next time New York!

Have you receive your serving of Xanga secrets recently?  If not, why don’t you help yourself and check out the two volumes below.  Thanks to everyone that submitted these secrets to me and thanks to theacematt2 for providing the music once again.

XangaSecret Volume V

XangaSecret Volume VI

RE:  MacPhoto, you saved my life. Thank you. I am forever in your debt.

“I’m stunned and I pray this person is ok.  I can’t imagine what I could have said or done to deserve such a comment. Who are you? Please message me.” -macphoto

RE:  I really miss the days of Harry Potter roleplaying on Xanga.

“hahaha i have no clue who you are, but i love you right now.” -lesbohemian

RE:  I have been asked out six times on Xanga, three of those times by men at LEAST 20 years older than me. It makes me wonder what exactly is wrong with me.

“The only thing that’s wrong is you thinking you’re at fault for this.  You’re not.” -Alex

RE:  I was raped barely a year ago by the first person I ever went on a date with and when I finally told my parents and grandparents they said I got what I deserved and obviously it wasn’t that bad if I had been able to deal with it on my own.  I’m still trying to deal with it because every time a guy touches me I feel like my skin is crawling and and I get ready to run if I have to.

“You will be able to overcome this.  I was raped when I was 18.  And for while after I had some serious intimacy issues, but I got through it.  I’m now a happily married woman with two kids. To this day, I have never told my parents.  I was too afraid they would say it was my fault, that I deserved it.  And while I do believe in my heart my mother would say exactly what your parents did, I know it was NOT my fault; I did NOT deserve it.  And neither did you.  That is the “old-school” way of thinking.  Regardless of behavior, once a woman says no, the answer is NO.  Try not to take their comments to heart.  If you need someeone to talk to, please feel free to message me.” -AnonymousBloggingGirl

———————————————————-
As always, feel free to send me more of your anonymous secrets below.  Your secret may very well be showcased next time!  For more information on how to submit a secret and how this all works, check out some of my previous XangaSecret posts:

What’s Your XangaSecret?
XangaSecret: Volume I and Volume II
XangaSecret: Volume III and Volume IV

I was thinking about some of my old screennames I used to have and realized just how embarrassing they all were.  Of course, at the time I thought I was hot stuff coming up with such amazing names.  I didn’t want to fall for those popular “azndragonboy” type of names, so I tried to be as unique as possible.  Too bad the ones I did end up creating weren’t much better.  Let’s take a look at some of the screennames I used to go by, as painful as it is for me to describe.

CrankyGoat:  My very first screenname I picked when I signed up for AIM.  I was having the hardest time thinking up something to go by that would represent me.  In the end, I picked a completely odd name by putting together a random adjective and a random noun.  Thankfully, I didn’t go by this name for too long.

DirtyRice86:  Ah, so much better huh?  The name actually comes from a name I gave my created wrestler in an old video game I played (fear me, Dirty Rice, and my partner Spicy Noodle!  We are a delicious tag team!  Er….)  Oh yeah, got to love those wrestling fan days.  Anyway, like the other name this name went away fairly quickly.

oh_its_you_hi:  This was what I used for my old hotmail email address, an address I used for far too long.  I felt so clever coming up with it too.  The “joke” probably got old after maybe a week or two, but I didn’t change it out of laziness.  Created in high school, this email stayed with me for many years until I finally made the switch to gmail my junior year of college.

T4men04u: Yet another old AIM screenname.  You may have also noticed this screenname on my secondary YouTube channel and thought “what the hell does that mean?” Well, it originated from a particular candy slogan, randomly enough.  Give up on what it is?  It’s suppose to be like the Twix slogan, “two for me, none for you.” Unfortunately, many of the obvious representations of that slogan was already taken, so I settled with this one.  I found myself often explaining it to people, which became rather annoying. You all get it right?  No?  Urgh.  Okay, it’s two (T) for (4) me (me) and (n) none (0) for (4) you (u)!  Mercifully, I no longer need to explain the meaning of this name over and over again since I don’t go by it anymore.

After reviewing all of that, I’m quite happy I ended up with the more meaningful and not so embarrasing name, Roadlesstaken.  I wonder what first impressions I would have gotten from some of you if I still went by DirtyRice or CrankyGoat?  Hmm, let’s not find out.

I’m back from my wonderful trip to NorCal!  I was up there for a family vacation from Christmas Day to New Years.  For a few of those days, I manage to branch off on my own to hang out with a bunch of Xangans in the area.  If I calculated correctly, I met up with 43 Xangans this past year.  Crazy!  I must really enjoy the experience if I keep doing so.

My journey went throughout San Fransisco, San Jose, Oakland, and Sacramento.  Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?  By the way, if you’re expecting a huge post coming up…well, you’re right

With xLove_Me_Alwaysx in front of the famous Lombard Street in SF

xLove_Me_Alwaysx was the first Xangan I met up with.  She works as a SF Chinatown tour guide, so I knew I was in good hands.  She showed me around SF Chinatown and Downtown before it started pouring.  She graciously allowed me to hang out at her house while I was trying to figure out a way to get down to South San Francisco to meet up with some Xangans I’ll be sharing a motel with.  Thankfully, I lucked out when onlyjustbegun was able to give me a ride!  What a lifesaver.

Eating in Chinatown with subaru3169 and onlyjustbegun

We met up with fLiPgUy31O, jeannie_dot_com, snapeful, and subaru3169 that evening and had a wonderful dinner.  Sadly, onlyjustbegun was only able to hang out that one night, but I’m so happy she came out.

The rest of us hung out at our somewhat shady motel for the night.  We booked two rooms with me ending up sleeping with the girls this trip.  Not in THAT way (well, kinda).

I know you’re jealous of the Keroppi earmuffs I borrowed from snapeful.

What in the world is that?!

    
Doesn’t this wrestler look like theacematt2 on steroids?  Hehe

 
We thought this person looked like Coach Ken Tanaka off of Glee.  Yeah?

After some good sleep and breakfast, we rolled down to San Jose for the first part of the Bay Area meet.  We hung out mostly in Santana Row and later at a nearby mall.  The place was so nice and ritzy!  The weather was very cooperative, so we had a wonderful time chilling outside, listening to live music, chit chatting with one another while eating cupcakes, and looking out for girls for snapeful (yup, you read that correctly).

San Jose meet up!  From left to right: runaheadofme, subaru3169, bigaslives, roadlesstaken, jeannie_dot_com, snapeful, elelkewljay, fLiPgUy31O, and sonychak

Aw shucks, the pretty bubble tea girl hid behind the flowers at the last minute.  Sorry I couldn’t get her for you snapeful =(

Now that’s Xanga love


Elelkewljay brought the bear I got her!  She was very sweet.  Too bad she wasn’t able to hang out as long as we originally thought she could


The__Aesthete stopped by briefly as well

That evening, we all split up into separate groups to do our own thing.  Sonychak, his girlfriend Michelle (who’s now Xanga user WongTonShrimp! You’re not “real” anymore haha), snapeful and I ended up going back to SF where we ate at a sushi boat restaurant, rode down Lombard Street, and viewed the Golden Gate Bridge (which was “SOOO COLD!”, as you’ll see from the video clip).

Now, we were planning on sleeping early to get enough rest for the second day of the meet.  Did that happen?  If you said hell no, you’re absolutely right!  I’m not going to say everything that went down, but I’ll let the pictures below (and later, the video) tell a small part of the story. 

One of the most memorable nights out here

The last day of Bay Area meet was exhausting, but it was a great experience.  After some traveling issues, we all met up at Fisherman’s Wharf for lunch before heading out to Alcatraz Island.  That evening, we ate at a local sports bar and got ice cream before we finished up our long day together.

Our long walk through Fisherman’s Wharf

With xchinkylaydee before she had to go

On the ferry to Alcatraz

A ghost!  Good, I would have been sorely disappointed if I didn’t see one on the island.

“What a nice view.” “Yeah, it is.” “Oh, I ain’t talking about the scenery!” *wink* (inside joke)
Xangans not in picture that were also with us: youngazntiger, bigaslives, and GodaiTheRonin

Wait, there’s more!

Once the Bay Area meet concluded, I visited a few more Xangans in Sacramento for the hell of it.  Hey, while I’m here right?

Eating at Fuji!  From left to right: Meowmeowkimmaee, me, my cousin KY (yes, like KY Jelly).  Not pictured:  tesujinin and lilaznswtness421

She was SO happy to see me (or perhaps it was the delicious sushi)

Alright, I’m starting to get tired writing this all up, so allow me to end this with a compliation of the videos I took during the trip.  Look out for a particular saucy clip I may have alluded to before (you’ll know it when you see it ):

Thanks everyone that met up!  I had a really good time and took away so many amazing memories.  I miss California already.

P.S. Check out some of the other people’s POV of the trip (will add more as they get posted):

sonychak – Bay Area Xanga Meet [Vlog Edition]
runaheadofme – Day After the West Coast Xanga Meet-up: S.F., Dec. 28th
snapeful – The Awesome Bay Area Xanga Meet!
youngazntiger – SF Xanga Meet Up Pics!!! (Part 1) (Part 2)
meowmeowkimmaee – Xanga Meet with Roadlesstaken
lilaznswtness421 – meeting a xangan
jeannie_dot_com – Bay Area Meet: “It’s Not Our Car” Edition