November 23, 2011
-
What Fills the Void
Last night, my brain decided it would be fun to tire me out so I would go to bed, only for it to say “Nevermind!” As I lied there annoyed, I started pondering about a lot of things I know I wouldn’t be able to figure out overnight. One of those thoughts was about the motives I have to do what I do, like traveling for example. I’ll say it’s because it’s fun, that I get to meet up with people and have new experiences, which is all true. However, there seems to be another reason underneath it all. I feel I’m trying to find…something. What that something is is still unclear to me, but I have some theories as to what it could be.
I’m reminded of the situation in a movie called The Adjustment Bureau (some spoilers ahead). The main character was lonely and unhappy, so he tried to validate himself by becoming a successful politician. That may have worked out all fine and dandy for him had he not encountered “the girl” (dun dun dun). As it turned out, his life was better with her around since she provided him the security and happiness he long sought for, and vice versa.
Unfortunately for them, a dilemma arose where he was forced to make a difficult choice: he could stay with the girl but have both of them lose their respective career successes, or they could each have very rewarding careers but do so without each other. He picked the latter, probably more logical option, at first, but the hole inside of him grew so much that he ended up saying “Screw it!” and fought to be reunited with the girl. Being together, they didn’t have to keep on searching for that validation and success that could possibly fill their voids. What they had was already enough.
I get how that decision appears to some people, I do. How foolish, emotional, even irrational for them to pick love! Don’t they realize how much is going against them? What if they had it all wrong and they end up separating in the future? I say all of that too, and yet…I have a feeling I would have risked making the same exact choices if there was even the chance we would be fulfilled, and perhaps self-actualize in the process.
Hmm. Despite all the disillusions and setbacks I’ve encountered thus far in life, it seems that the hopeful, foolish dreamer that’s inside of me does not want to go away. Well, may he find whatever it is that will be enough to fill any emptiness residing in me. I’m rooting for you.
Comments (87)
We have got to update one another on life…for I feel there is a whole lot I’ve missed out on.
“I feel I’m trying to find…something. What that something is is still
unclear to me, but I have some theories as to what it could be.” Hehe, I have a few theories, too. SOOO…when are you going to come to OKLAHOMA THEN?!?!?!?! jk, don’t come here. let’s meet halfway, lol.
Isn’t that what love is all about – risks. It’s not like you can tell your heart to make him/her go away. I mean you can, but it’s easier said than done.
BTW, I thought that movie was all action – darn! it made me cry instead LOL!
Go find your girl, Alex.
Be the dreamer! dare to love! =D
It seems foolish at first, but after observing friends and family…I feel it’s harder to find love than a good career. So take the risk! Would you recommend that movie, btw?
That’s sooo romantical.
I can fill your void with my penis, if you know what I mean…
Women r dumbz. Go travel! :-p
I haven’t seen the movie yet, but now I want to. Anyways, you’ve pulled the thoughts right out of my mind too! I once made the mistake of choosing something else over love and now I know not to make the same mistake again.
I honestly think we all need and want different things at each stage of our lives.
In the real world you wouldn’t choose ‘love’ over your career if you knew you would have other career options.
It’s not as clear cut as ‘giving up one thing for another’. Just variants of it.
It really is easier when you see what stage you are in Life.
For example, I have no established a stable career yet and I have a good 10 years before I would even worry about my eggs drying up.
Therefore, career wins. (Though the hopeless romantic in me, might be dead.)
I think everyone’s always searching for that security from someone, and as much as it’s irrational, it’s something no level of success can replace. love can make you feel complete; work can’t. Security from money + success does not compare. Of course, this is much easier said than done though. I hope you find what you’re looking for
no one can really say what they would do in that situation, until the opportunity arises. Only when faced with those 2 choices can we truly say what matters most to us. I’d like to think i’d make the same choice too =]
Aww.
Were you feeling empty all this time?
Dood. Great post. I have to tell you, sometimes, love just ain’t enough. It seriously isn’t. http://youtu.be/qdzbjUWu2VU
@CaKaLusa - is it really that big?
@BenelliMan - IT WORKS WONDERS!
@lenafaye - Yes, we do have a lot to catch up on! I may be in CA sometime in the next few months. Any chance you could sneak over there?
@Ladiiee - The movie did surprise me too as I was expecting more conspiracy theories and chases, but it worked for me.
@mycontinuity - Perhaps she will find me instead?
@sabbygurl - Haha, I just picture Kirby shouting your comment to me
@xiaosnowtenshi - I would. It probably could have been greater by going further into all the implications of that universe, but it was entertaining. At the very least it made me ponder.
@ShimmerBodyCream - Thanks, although my original intent of this post wasn’t to make it come out that way. Just thinking about what will end up being the thing that can self-actualize me. Could be a girl, could be something else.
@CaKaLusa - Nope too small, needs more!
@GreekPhysique - That might not be a good thing to say on a website that has over 65% females haha
@suefa_lee - Of course, sometimes what we think is love may not be love in hindsight, so you gotta be careful of false love too.
@eternal_relevance - Definitely. Given the choice I would want both the career and girl haha, but if I had to choose it would be very tough…
@Roadlesstaken - Damn, experience? OH NO HE DI’INT!
@suuperstar - Did you ever study Maslow’s hierarchy of needs? Your comment definitely can apply to his idea of our level of needs and what must be satisfied before moving on to the next level of needs.
@Keeko1 - I wouldn’t say it’s so pronounced, but I do fill that there’s something I’m striving for. What that ultimately is I’m not sure. Could be a combination of things.
@BenelliMan - Trust me, I know about that. Love, it’s hard work too!
Life comes with everything, risking your health, your love, and you’re hope. It’s just the way it is…
@CaKaLusa - well that’s rather sexy.
I haven’t seen the movie, but it doesn’t seem like love and success have to be mutually exclusive. You need to know the person you love really, really well. I’ve been married for 34 years (to the same man). We’re both on the same road, going to the same place. Sometimes it’s a bumpy road, but we’ll get to our destination together.
I know what you are looking for. Love in the truest sense of the meaning.
find yourself first before you can find the one .
Alex’s brain sounds annoying and tricksy lol
Yea the tough bit is that to pursue either route seems to exclude one of the options. Or more like in order to find love, that needs to be what you’re looking for full time. I hope it happens by random…or even better someone pursues me but so far if you don’t choose it it won’t find you :S
I know for a fact though whoever finds you or you eventually find is gonna be one lucky lady
@CaKaLusa - Your words are like those of the great poets, so subtle and meandering as to woo the hardest of hearts ;P
Yeah, I think I know what you mean. Good luck finding meaning and love in the world.
Oh, and deep, unanswerable questions always come to me at night when I’m trying to sleep. Then I’m busy thinking, so I have even MORE trouble falling asleep.
I’m glad this blog is about love rather than existential angst!
i think you’re hungry. i’ll send you a cake.
Move to LA. Problem solved.
I, too am trying to find something that fills that void in me and love isn’t it (it’s a nice addition for me and it has changed my greatly to a better person but sometimes I find it annoying and bothersome). I wish us both luck on the journey.
Don’t put all your expectations on love because it’s not everything but part of something. Though maybe some soul searching is worth going to, to find out what kind of person you are and what you want out of life. I know a friend that is doing this and he’s doing it for his own good, like we should. And what I’ll be doing soon.
Find your dream, but a word of caution… don’t become one of those guys who lose interest after they’ve achieved it.
@BFB1131 - I’ve a way with words, methinks! haha
I love the photo. Awesome if you could use it as a header! hehe Anyway, you have women lining up for you. Psh. hehe
@Roadlesstaken - Dayam~ brought out Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs! THIS IS SRZ BIDNIZ NAO!!!!
Ah.. that wonderful quest for self-actualization.
I’m not there yet either (but I plan/hope on getting there). Hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for.
I get that feeling sometimes @_@ But, I hope you find what you are looking for <3
I’m sure you’ll be very careful and thoughtful in reaching any decision when you get to this stage in your life. Sometimes I do my best thinking / reflecting when I’m traveling. There’s something about a change in scenery that aids in this.
Awww come on Alex, you majored in psych! You should know that idealization is correlated with successful relationships
I’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for. You’re too great not to.
You’re such a girl…
i feel similiar. im finding myself in the process of finding mr.right. its quite refreshing lol
love this! go alex !
Oh I wanted to see that movie! but never did…i love Matt Damon and I liked Emily Blunt in devil wears prada.
Good luck with your search. I feel most people are on that path…. and also struggling with those same options.
It seems you may be feeling a lack of purpose. Maybe try taking up an old childhood dream or something? Or how about volunteering. Are you artistic at all? Maybe try taking up a hobby involving something you always found interesting, but never tried. In any case, I relate. I’m not sure what will relieve a void I constantly feel, but trying new things doesn’t hurt.
love is like the wind…calm and peaceful but it can get furious and devastating..always keep your guard up!!
@Orlei - I guess it’s what make life interesting, right?
@whyzat - That’s wonderful to hear!
@RulerofMasons - You, sir, speak the truth. Kudos.
@prettykay04 - That’s exactly what I’ve learned from my past!
@BFB1131 - I think it’s possible to have a balance of love and work and whatnot. I guess what I’m saying that if I had to choose, love would be preferred.
@leaflesstree - Don’t you hate that? Stupid brain!
@Joanna_said_SO - Better, bring me cake for New Year’s. Please?
@fLiPgUy31O - Ah yes, the west coast…answers to everything.
@Hinase - Oh I agree, we have to love ourselves and be able to sustain on our own. Having that person to boost you to be better though is quite nice though.
@stupid_systemus - Well, if it’s something that will make me fill self-actualize it should last me for a long time, yeah?
@oxyGENE_08 - Hmm, maybe I will use that as a future header. Good idea!
@BenelliMan - You know it, boyyyyy!
@s0mekindofwonderful - According to Maslow, not many of us will reach it…but I sure will try!
@o3o_JennyBear_o3o - Thanks, I’m sure I will. I believe it!
@ElusiveWords - Yeah, I think that’s definitely part of the appeal from traveling. Helps give us more perspective.
@indiechaos - haha yes, I know =). Thanks!
@Timmmmmmy - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUnSDc860og
@rxglasshalffull - Ideally you would find yourself so your Mr. Right gets all of you
@julieae - Leggo!
@wyrdkismet - You will probably like this movie. Emily Blunt was awesome.
@Vitamin_D - Yeah, I do take comfort in knowing I’m not alone on this type of journey =)
@ohheybbyitscorixx - I’m actually fortunate to be working in my passion right now =D. I guess I feel like there’s more out there I have a passion for.
@ravager21 - For sure. Love is a tricky bastard, but can be so rewarding if you can tame it.
Vacation pussy
yeah i’m rooting for him too. why not be extraordinary and have both?
seems to me that what that protagonist truly wanted came to him in two forms; in the end, it gave him a sense of validation and success. imo, the real question would be in why- why do we feel validated and successful through our relationships or careers? of course, the movie presents only two options..
funny how you say you’re searching for something… i feel the same way sometimes; actually, i feel like i’m waiting for that something to find me. XD
Hmm, whether or not to chose traveling or settle down and stop traveling? Not a trick question but a trick answer which means maybe both you and your future spouse will both travel a lot and have a lot of happy reunions.
Then again people tend to be jealous when one is very popular. But popularity takes a lot of work and your attention isn’t solely concentrated on the spouse. Looks like our president is divided with running the US and still being a father and a good husband, which proves that you can have it all….
i thought that’s what xanga are meant for? no?
“Just remember, the same as a spectacular Vogue magazine, remember that no matter how close you follow the jumps: Continued on page whatever. No matter how careful you are, there’s going to be the sense you missed something, the collapsed feeling under your skin that you didn’t experience it all. There’s that fallen heart feeling that you rushed right through the moments where you should’ve been paying attention. Well, get used to that feeling. That’s how your whole life will feel some day. This is all practice. None of this matters. We’re just warming up.” BY CHUCK PALAHNIUK
The best way to waste your life, … is by taking notes. The easiest way to avoid living is to just watch. Look for the details. Report. Don’t participate.
@Roadlesstaken - It can be at times.
i wish i could go with the dreamer in me
@pcketfulofsunshine - Why not find that something first before it finds you? =)
@PPhilip - that’s interesting you mention the problem with popularity. I’m actually planning to write about problems with it sometime soon.
@maniacsicko - It’s not a main reason, but I suppose meets could lead to something like that
@RestlessButterfly - Ai ai, captain!
@pika_whoosh - I feel like you’re more similar to me than you think.
dreamers unite!
@babixling - Dreamers gonna dream
I can relate to your sentiments, and feel the same way too. I definitely feel that there is something more out there, then what I have experienced or had before. Something I would like to find someday. I really thought your post was very thought provoking, which I like. I wish you much luck in finding what you’re looking for. Wish me luck as well!
@making_a_comeback_05 - Good luck!
@Roadlesstaken - Thanks!
i’m rooting for him too man. and i’ll have to say that i agree with @prettykay04 with the fact that finding “the one” before finding yourself is a sure way to bad bad news.
@bengozen - Good thing I’ve learned that lesson already!
@CaKaLusa - Dork
@CaKaLusa - *holds up camcorder* We could make MILLIONS.
@AffinityInUnderstanding - Um, I better get some compensation too for that.
i hope you find this girl alex. patience
@buiptammy - Patience is my middle name =)
I seriously heard in my head DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!! lol when I was reading this. I adore traveling. New places. New people. new experiences it’s all so alluring to me. but sad when I return home. though I love my home. I’d prefer to explore new things.
@Eyesbehindthesoul - Whoever created DUN DUN DUN is genius I say!
I like this entry.
@Elizabeth_Ho - Thank you. Btw, I like your song on your page. I’ve been listening to the dubstep version of it, so it’s good to hear the rest of the lyrics.
We’re all travellers searching for something bud. I wish you the best on your journey, your quest to find the answers to your questions. May you find happiness and fulfillment along the way
I know I’ve said this a lot, but we will chat to catch up later on (maybe in two months after I sort out the mess my life is in atm).
@AzureRecollections - No worries. Haha 2 months? Alright, I’ll reserve a spot with you in 2 months then.
Good post. Everyone in the world is born with that burning desire to find something.
@one_eared_batman - Thank ya, and good to see you around!
I don’t really believe in the existence of the one person anymore
@vicdaily - my theory is that there are many possible “one”s out there, and it’s timing that causes us to end up with one over the other. Don’t give up!
don’t stop dreaming.
@freebirdheart - can’t stop won’t stop!
Happy New Year to You!
i am a totally advocate of searching within before you search outward. it’s great to be hopeful and foolish, but you have to define what that void really is before you try to fill it.
@daniel - Yeah, makes sense.