November 12, 2010
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Uh oh, am I falling behind?
When I was 18 years old, I really wanted to (and actually thought I would) get married by my early 20s. I know, what was I thinking? It sounded plausible at the time. It was what I naively thought was suppose to happen given what I’ve seen on television and what not. I assumed I would easily find my true love in college and marry her shortly after graduating. Soon after that, I would start raising my first kid when I was maybe 24 years old. Yup, it seemed so obvious to me that was how it would work. I was already with someone I considered very special at that moment, so I was part way there! Things were going as planned.
Fast forward to today. Currently at the age of 24, I’m no where close to being in the position to do any of those thing I predicted. The 18 year old Alex would be quite disappointed. Thankfully, my expectations for my marriage plans has changed with time and experience. Now, I’m thinking I want to ideally get married in my late 20s or early 30s, after I have found my footing with life. Who knows if that will actually happen, but I hope my estimations aren’t too far off. I want to be youthful enough so I can be an active part in my future kids’ lives as long as possible. I like to become a great dad someday and I truly look forward to that phase in life (not anytime soon though; the world and I aren’t ready for little Alexes roaming around just yet!).
What made me want to put my thoughts down about this subject was something one of my best friends said to me a few weeks ago. I asked him “of our core group of friends from high school, in what order do you expect all of us to get married?” I did not anticipate him guessing I would be one of the later ones to hit that landmark, so when I heard that from him it really bothered me. Was he accurate? Will it actually take me a while?
Facebook has only made me question myself more, with it constantly showing me updates from peers getting engaged, married, and/or having babies. Seeing so many of my friends with different last names and growing families already only reminds me that time is speeding forward, whether I want it to or not.
Once again, I’m not saying I want to be married now…but I wouldn’t mind finding the person I would eventually marry at this point. Do I think things will work out for me in the end? Sure. Do I still have this feeling of uncertainty inside me that I can’t quite shake off? Yep =/ . I really don’t want to find myself falling behind.
(Man, you know you’re starting to get old when you begin worrying about this stuff.)
Comments (216)
I know what you mean. I’ll be 20 in May, but I experienced those times when I thought I would get married around 22… Ha, I’m not even in a relationship anymore. -.-
One of my best [guy] friends is going into the Army next week. He’s the same age I am, and he just got engaged. He’ll be married in the spring, and then his now-girlfriend will be able to stay with him on base. Now THAT hit me upside the head when I found out. He was the last person I expected to get married this young.
It’s weird seeing friends get all engaged and married and stuff…
She might not be too far from you. Be patient.
Everyone goes through that phase, having sudden thoughts of oneself getting married, having kids and all that. I guess the final decision comes along by the time we truly meet the right person.
Well, I just asked the magic 8 ball “Will Alex get married soon?” it said “Do pigs have wings?!” I guess you’re not going to get married anytime soon then
On the bright side it said “That’s almost for sure” that you’ll find the right one soon! 
Even though I’m two years younger, I know exactly how you feel! We’ll find that special lady one day.
You know 90% of parents I interact with had their kids around early 30s after they were more settled in their careers like you mentioned. Don’t worry, you got plenty of time if you are ok with that timeline. Do you think it’s more important being with the right one or settling down on schedule?
A lucky lady will find you someday.
My plans for myself were to be married in my early 20s. Two adorable babies before 25. I easily accomplished the first part but it will be 3-5 more years before we are ready for children.
My husband just turned 21 and I will be 23 in the spring. I find myself getting jealous when I see all these cute pregnant bellies around me but I understand that we just aren’t ready yet. We have things to accomplish first. (new car, a house, stable income)
Most of all, we just want to enjoy marriage and each other.
@HisKeiki - Yeah, that reminds me of the feeling I had when I found out this jerk I knew back in high school is married now. What??
@a_drunken_cellist - It’s just keep increasing faster year after year.
@buiptammy - I’m patient, just getting a little antsy.
@icapillas - I have a feeling that will all happen so fast, before I know what exactly just happened haha. Until then…
@Shades_of_Athena - Oh most definitely being with the right one than on schedule. If it wasn’t the kids factor, I wouldn’t mind getting married much later. I really don’t want to be very old though when I have kids, so there’s the issue.
@DrAgoNTorrent_265 - You wanted to get married right after college too?
@JESthemess - That’s good. You actually came up in my head when I wrote this. I think I’ll be like you; I want to enjoy at least a couple years of marriage first before kids come in.
@howsthewheather - I sense some lies in your comment =)
I’m sure you will find the person who will take you to the forever joy, sooner
*cheers*
i just went through the same thing. i thought i’d be married by 24 tops. im starting to realize 27 or 28 is a more reasonable age as i grow older. theres so much i want to do and so many things i want to get prepared before i’m married (ie stable job, my own place, etc). and 30 is not old for a guy to get married at all.
youll find your someone, she’s prob just waiting for u to find her!
I have a feeling of falling behind, but from a different angle. When I was 18, I thought I was going to be an engineer after college and be making a 5-figure income before I turned 25. Well, now I’m 25, have a college degree, and have been rejected from such high paying jobs like Target cashier. I think it’s all part of the quarter life crisis.
It’s ok man, I’m freaking about this stuff NOW. =/
i know exactly how you feel…please don’t remind me LOL!
@fabolousclown - Forever joy…I like the sound of that!
@suuperstar - I think part of the reason I thought I would get married sooner had to do with my mom getting married and having me so early. I think she was in her early 20s when she had me. Yeah, 30s not too bad…but man, so many of my friends sure aren’t wasting time!
@Rob_of_the_Sky - Yikes =/ . You’re 25? For some reason I thought I was older than you.
@sumoneoverthere - Oh yeah, I remember. No progress since?
It’s funny… I always thought the exact opposite about my future. When I was a teenager..I thought I would never have kids. Little did I know I’d be pregnant before I hit 20…but I’m a go with the flow kind of person.
You’ll find her. Don’t worry =)
why the rush to get locked down?
@Roadlesstaken - My clock is ticking so waiting will be hard for me. Hell, I was researching types of birth control the other day and started crying.
I’m so pathetic. Haha.
@Agent_Eric - Is late 20s/early 30s considered too early for you? I think my peers getting married has some effect, but the kids factor probably plays a bigger part. I don’t want to be too old during the time I’m raising them. In general, I don’t mind committing with someone now that’s good for me. That was an issue in the past I have to admit.
@BingleBot - Oh, was that pregnancy expected?
@getyourownsandwich - my bad =O
@JESthemess - Your clock is ticking? Don’t you have many years to come to have kids?
Ok let me frame it this way. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. There is something wrong with needing to get married. Same goes for kids.
Have you purchased your 5th cat yet? No? Then not old at all! Hurrah!
But more seriously, as they say, when the time is right, the time is right. You will just know when you’ll buy your first knitting kit.
But moar more seriously, even as those old classmate around you start getting married as you carry on being single, that is just a bigger piece of evidence that you are not like any of them and thus can’t, and shouldn’t, really follow whatever standards they choose to follow.
Or at least that’s what I learned as a non-Mormon going to hs with a big Mormon crowd. Man do they marry early!
@Roadlesstaken - Not expected, no. The story leading up to it is long and ugly, but the story after it makes it all worth it. I feel this applies to everything. Maybe your wait will seem long and lonely, but as soon as your waiting is rewarded, you will look back, and everything else will seem insignificant. It will all be worth it in the end =)
Hopefully that doesn’t seem too corny or cliche… I truly believe this. =)
@Roadlesstaken - Haha, nooo, I meant the thing about getting married in my late 20s or early 30s! I was thinking a couple years after college before, but now it’s more like I need to wait until after my career path stabilizes.
@drung888 - Haha, that’s random. How did you find yourself going to that school?
@BingleBot - Nah I believe that too. I’ll probably appreciate it more later =)
The only thing I’ve ever really wanted was to be was a ‘Suzie Homemaker’.
And while I still do, I know that it’s important for me to provide for my kids before I even tie the knot with the ‘proposed’ father.
Saving up for their college funds is the FIRST thing I thought about when I first got a job at 15.
I still think about it all the time. But less about the baby daddy than the babies.
–You’ll be a great dad someday, Alex. So no worries about that. =)
I keep having to put myself in check when I want this supposed future to happen.
Building a Life together with someone is combining two great separate lives together.
Finding someone should be complementary not supplementary; so there really should be no rush.
Just enjoy this while you can.
I’m learning to, too. =)
@Roadlesstaken - oh, i simply thought married life would be fun for longer. so marry at 24, have kids at 28. thats 4 years of your life with no lifelong financial commitment to your future child LOL. it seemed like the ultimate dream.
I’m falling behind, according to my grandmothers. They thought I’d be married by 20, and I’m almost 21 1/2. I need to catch up somehow haha
@Roadlesstaken - I have plently of years, but my “clock” says it’s time.
@eternal_relevance - Wow, you were already thinking about your kid’s college fund at 15? What about yours??
@puella_sapiens216 - haha, the question is do you really want to?
hahaha i feel the same way..actually i never really believed in marriage but seeing ppl get married makes me kinda wanna find someone and settle down too..but i guess only having had one bf..I feel like I’m still very very far away from that happening HAHA
@Roadlesstaken - I wish I could right now, a little bit. But, right now I feel like maybe it isn’t a good time to even look for a relationship since I want to move abroad and I have no idea what I’ll be doing in a few months. I can be patient lol.
@Roadlesstaken - That was just how the neighborhood was made up, though my family was part of the earlier wave of diverse out-of-towners who would settle the area.
Honestly, I think when we are young we have an idealistic view on things that is not as realistic. I too was planning on getting married in my twenties, but realistically that didn’t happen due to real would things. I’m going to be 25 on the 17th and well I really don’t see myself married until I’m 30-33 years of age.
When I was 18, I swore I’d never get married. I’d be that crazy woman with a thousand cats and fifty years’ worth of old newspapers stacked on the patio. We see how well that turned out.
Don’t worry yourself with the pace your friends are keeping. When the time is right for you, that’s when you go for it.
@luvs_u - What that one bf a long relationship at least?
@Evil10 - Yeah, I certainly agree with your assessment. I’m still more or less a dreamer now, but my head was much more in the clouds when I was younger haha
@the_rocking_of_socks - Haha, did you hate boys or something back then?
@Roadlesstaken - I hated most people in general. I’m just now learning how to be sociable and borderline friendly.
@Roadlesstaken - no. he dumped me after 2 months. fkin xanga guys
*HAHA SO BITTER* LMAOOOO jk I’m so happy now without him haha
i think about that sometimes too. lol. i have high school friends who are married and with kids before i’ve even had my first relationship. the hell man.
even i worry about this stuff sometimes. what happened to the xangan girl?
dude me too. I need to start working now !! To save up money to get engage/ move out — then get married.
I’ve read somewhere starting at age 20 – you need to save at least $_____ / month so you can pay off your wedding ceremony if you wana get married by age 25
Average wedding ceremony $25,000 – thats considered cheap i guess
I heard from my mom -the wedding she attended during the summer –the groom family gave the bride family $100,000 and paid for their expensive golf course wedding ceremony =/
No worries. You’re a guy, so you don’t have an age when you’re unable to marry the way girls do.
I thought I would be married by now too lol. I’m not really worrying about it now, although having someone to share stuff with would be nice.
I can imagine little alexes running around so cute lol
Who knows when things will happen
Conversation I had with one of my coworkers awhile ago:
G: you married?
me: no
G: you have bf?
me: no
G: you have baby(ies)?
me: nope
G: you never know, it can happen anytime, a couple of months from now, weeks, tomorrow…
me: HA! Nope, kinda need another person involved for that LMAO
Definitely don’t think you’re falling behind. I think you’re doing just as well as the next (or from what I know, anyways). It also seems the norm to be married/ starting a family later in life now anyhow. I feel like my 20′s should be dedicated to being young, travelling, learning about myself, striving for my dreams and most definitely not settling down. Who knows …
Alex, you have no idea how much this topic crosses my mind. The only reason I don’t talk about it as much is because it only keeps me awake at night, like I am right now. I could write a book on this. I would have been married by now. That was my plan. When those plans are derailed, life changes. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes just like everyone. But part of me is afraid to be in that situation again.
I know exactly how you feel.
I thought all through highschool & even there after I would end up married before now.I am 25 & still as single as I can be.Sometimes I wonder if it will ever happen. Atleast I hope it will.Very well written.
Oh no, I’m scared now.
I hear ya, bro.
I never really had that specific age at which I wanted to be wedded and have kids, but I had some sort of idea about it, because I placed my parents as my benchmark – they got married when my mom was 24 and my dad 25! And I’m now 26. I would be married right now if my ex-fiance were to wise up (and do it quickly). Unfortunately that’s not the case. BUT I am not depressed – heck no, I’m happier now than I was before, when I was with him! And I believe I will have one child before I hit then age of 30 
Hehe. Dreams!
totally get where youre coming from. in high school i thought i would be married by the time i was 20 ( i’ve always wanted an arranged marriage so when i told my parents i wanted to marry early, they started looking).
i am now 19 and without a single proposal on my table because either i rejected them, or vice versa. i dont mind waiting to get married after i graduate, but i wish everyone else would wait too (or at least slow down!) i was expected to be the first one in my class to get married, but i’ve got 2 friends married and 2 engaged that were in my class (i dont even want to begin counting the girls that are just 1-2 years older than me who are getting hitched).
i cant help but feel anxious with all these relationship changes going about. the high school girl in me keeps saying ‘i was supposed to be first!’
anyways, i hope the wait and anxious feelings are worth it for both of us =)
been married for a while…….. now & if I may be so bold “after I have found my footing with life. ” I found my footing in life when I found my life’s partner…my Daniel.
You’re old as fuck! Hurry up and get married!
haha kidding, but yeah… when I was 18, I thought I’d be done with school by now. Oh well.
sometimes, it’s just best to go with the flow of things. best of luck in finding your ms. right!
I know the feeling…I really do. A little over four years ago, right before I turned 21, I met the woman that I thought was the one. About a year and a half after that, we got engaged. …about a year after that, we went our separate ways. To this day, I still have my moments wondering if she might’ve been the one after all, and if it’s somehow forever lost. Tied to this are similar thoughts…will it happen before I’m 30? Will I even meet the right person? I hope to raise a family at some point, and I also hope I can be active and involved in my future childrens’ lives. It didn’t happen by 25, like I was so certain it would…but the grounding reality is that it comes when it’s meant to. I might meet her tomorrow…might have already met her and just not realized it yet…or it might be years down the road. In the meantime…I carry on by focusing on preparing myself for that time. I have a master’s to finish…a career to start…and as I’ve realized within the past year…strong desires to settle down outside of this country…maybe in central Europe-ish…so maybe this is God’s way of leading me where I’ll go. (Who knows, right?)
I think, for me, part of it is my own parents (my mom was 19 and my dad was 24 when I was born…and now I’m older than both of them were then. Then again, my grandparents were in their mid-30s.) Part of it is watching everybody I know getting engaged or married (then again…half of them are even getting divorced now…so once again, maybe it’s just showing that I avoided making a mistake that might’ve hurt both the woman I almost married and myself.)
I guess…the point is…if there is a point in my ramblings at the moment…we just have to push forward…and carry on. What’s meant to be, will happen. I hope both of us meet the right woman for each of us soon…but I know, for me…I can accept waiting if that’s what’s meant to be.
Yah, definitely. I see all those people on facebook getting in relationships and maybe not getting married, my peers are only 18. It sucks! I imagine it’s much more elevated when you get to your age…don’t worry though, I trust you’ll get someone great. =)
I know what you mean! Some of my FB friends have different last names from marriage and I have to think “who is that?” because it’s a few new people each month! Most of the people, I think, are younger than me. But there’s tons of people older than me who are unmarried and it’s making me wonder what’s “normal” or when these things are really supposed to happen. If there is such an actual time for such things.
It is funny because all around me are my friends that are already married and having kids and some of them aren’t even older than myself..it makes me feel like I need some catching up to but in reality, everyone follows what that they think is best and apparently, it was that point in their lives that they started doing things like that. Timing counts and is all different in us. One day I’ll marry my bf but for now, I’m contend with what I have. Don’t rush yourself into something you aren’t ready for and yes sometimes plans get delayed but if you want those things, they will happen. Just don’t rush it. Enjoy what you have now because having kids and getting married are quite big.
Unlike you, whenever I thought of marriage it equaled shudder, barf, fuck no. I know a few people who’ve gotten married and even had kids. But it works for them. It was right for them at the time and continues to be. For me, don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for that. I hate the whole thought of legally binding myself to someone else, no matter who it is. I know…I’m such a weird girl -_- lol.
Here’s the thing: life is uncertain. You can set goals, but no one should plan out every aspect of their future. You’ll know when it clicks and when you’ll be ready to settle down. Who cares how old you are?
I wish you luck!
18 yo alex never said what gender he would marry…haha There’s a window of opportunity for the homosexual males out there too! just be sure to go to a state where same sex marriage is allowed! haha j/k
The same thought crossed my mind a week ago. I wouldn’t say I’m afraid that it will never happen for me. I’m more afraid of one day being afraid that it will never happen for me, if that makes sense. We are reaching that point in our lives when things like marriage and children aren’t far off concepts anymore, and it’s mind blowing when it seems like everyone around you is making that step forward, and you’re still exactly where you always have been. And it is hard to continue to believe that it will all work out when there are so many amazing people that never do end up with somebody. Luck plays too great a role.
With all of that being said, there is no doubt in my mind that you’ll wind up having that love story that you always wanted. And who’s to say you haven’t already found the girl you’re supposed to spend your life with *nudge*
Statistically, your chances are good. At least, I assume most men get the girl in the end. However, it doesn’t happen by itself.
Don’t rush anything. All of that will come in time. I watched my peers get married, have kids when I was in my early 20′s and I felt left out because I had the man and the money but the kids was not happening for some reason, we rushed into adoption. Two weeks after the adoption went through my husband died in a motorcycle wreck and I had this new baby from China to raise on my own ( everything ended up ok, I remarried and later had biological twins, of all things). What I’m trying to say is let life take it’s course. I don’t want to say God but maybe someone or what ever entity you believe in has other plans for you.
Funny… I think exactly like you do. I thought I’d be married by now. Granted, unless something goes terribly wrong I should be married before my next birthday; but still. I keep feeling like I AM behind.
Thanks for giving such a candid expose on this topic. Most of us whose priorities are a bit differently ordered than our peers tend to worry about the same things — and you’re right, facebook does feed those worries! Remember everything becomes beautiful in its time.
Funny how things such as this comes to mind when we all hit 24-25… O_o It gets all too serious…I want to PRESS REWIND! But I’m so looking FORWARD.
I think everyone can relate to you.
I saw a cool facebook, it’s called “everyone I know is getting married or pregnant, I’m just getting awesome”.
I always pegged myself to get married at 28 every since I was young, no clue why, but I liked that number alot. It’s certainly not far away, only 3 years. Every single one of my good friends is in a serious relationship, engaged, married, and has kids. I’m happy for them but it can be quite a punch in the face, even my little sister is in one! I just ended a 4 year off and on relationship, so now the idea of getting married and having kids seems so far fetched. But I assume it’ll all work out eventually the way it’s supposed to, but I whole heartedly agree with you with finding that someone you know you’re gonna spend your life with. Good luck!
Don’t think about it too much, you’re a great guy and things will fall into place when the time is right =)
People that I graduated with were having babies in highschool… Now they’re just on their second or third babies.. It’s really crazy. I don’t know when I’ll get married or have children, but I’m not expecting that I will until my mid-late 20s or early 30s. I’ve got too much schooling to look ahead to for babies.
You know, I used to be the same way. I figured I’d be married by my early twenties, have kids by my mid twenties. Now, in my late twenties, I realize how dumb that was. Many of my friends and aquaintances that did get married in their early (or even mid) twenties are now divorced or separated (although don’t get me wrong, some of them ARE still together). I believe it’s good to wait til your mid to late twenties, because that gives you time to experience life. It gives you time to have some fun, then you can grow up, find a steady job, a place to live, and get settled down. Most of us are still too young and immature in our early twenties to really know what we want from life (and from a significant other). Don’t despair, you still have plenty of time. 24 is young. I’m 27 (almost 28), and close approaching my personal “deadline” of 30. That may have to be extended…lol.
mm, you can worry about it all you want, but the time will come when it does. So why worry about it now? Enjoy your freedom and young age
If you haven’t gotten to where you want when you’re 35, then I guess you should start worrying. 
hmm i didn’t know guys worried/thought about that…
You gotta go at your own pace. I think when we’re young, we don’t fully understand the real world and what comes with age…and that’s a WHOLE SHIT LOAD OF RESPONSIBILITIES!!! You can’t foresee the future too much and most people think the 10 yr older future self is SO OLD. But in the scheme of things, not so much especially when people are settling down later on in life and trying to find stability first aka your footing in life.
ugh, i know EXACTLY how you feel. i’m turning 24, and although i’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and i do love him, i am starting to wonder if he is the right one to plan to spend the rest of my life with. that’s a big freaking deal, and he seems sort of freaked about marriage in general. right now i’m just riding the waves, i need to get settled in the rest of my life first anyways. all i know is i wanna have kids before i’m so old it causes birth defects or something. that’s a big fear of mine O_o
You sound like a woman. I am deeply concerned with how men are becoming feminized. Maybe that’s your problem. Good women crave manly men, not feminized men.
Like the first poster to respond to this post, I will be 20 next year, but in January. 16/17 year old me would be disappointed because she would have expected to have been engaged at 18, and living with my ex. When I look back now, I know that I would have been too young, and not experienced enough in all the great things life has to offer. But sometimes I think it’d have been easier, only from the sense that I would “know”, in a sense, what was up ahead. Sometimes I get scared that I will never find the one, because I thought that I had. I’ve always wanted to get married young, early mid-twenties, and children before I reach 30, but I just don’t see that being a realistic plan anymore. I can see myself being the last of all my friends to get married and have children, which is not something I’m really happy about.
Interesting post
.
Imma get married when I’m 50 so no rush haha
I’m 18, and seeing quite a few of my friends have children and make marriage plans is dreadfully confusing and I feel like I’m far behind schedule.
I have to keep reminding myself that there’s no schedule.
Do you feel ready for marriage?
I’m in the camp that believes ladies are attracted to men who are.
lol, i once had the same want.. when I was like.. 7. XD Now it’s the opposite. I don’t want to get married.
But I’m getting doubts.. If I get second thoughts and start having the same marriage goals as everyone else, then that means I might also have the same thoughts you wrote in this post one day. anyway, i truly hope you find her in due time. good luck!
True. Expectations is an interesting thing. Hopefully you’ll find that special someone soon. And lol @the little Alexes commentary. cute.
uhh no. i’m 23 and i have no desire to get married until my late 20′s. everyone has an ideal age to get married, but remember, it’s IDEAL. as you grow up and realize there is more schooling, growing up to do (spirtually), etc. you find wanting to “discover” and establish yourself first (maybe financially and identity wise) and THEN marriage comes secondary. don’t put too much thought into this… when the time comes, let it happen. in time, just enjoy alone time.
Hey I thought I was going to have kids and be in a meaningful relationship by the time I was 27. I’m 28, I can never have kids and I missed 5yrs of my life from my car accident. There’s a reason for everything. Just sit back and be patient. She’s coming.
yes
It’ll happen when it’s meant to.
@Roadlesstaken - I should have put more thought into that. =P Though my parents had my university fund taken care of. However, further schooling is strictly on myself. -.O”
youre not falling behind! youre merely choosing a unique life path
when you take time out of the picture, I find it easier to fall in love and what not.
24 is still so young though!
It’s better to wait for the right person than the right age.
It’s funny how life turns out though. I thought I would move in with my (at the time) boyfriend after college, and we aren’t even together anymore. There goes my ideas of the future… :
LOL. 24 is still very young in this day in age. Most people want to get their careers going and have a good financial hold for themselves. Then, it usually takes work to find that person you’re will to spend the rest of your life with quite frankly. It may honestly be mid 30′s but who am I to say.
I honestly never believed in marriage and getting kids, though I think marriage would tie me down and the children will become menaces to society.
You’ll find your love in time, of this I have no doubt.
It’s funny how plans change. I was the opposite of you when I was 18. I was gearing up for a life of jet-setting and gallivanting about the world without even the slightest inclination of wedded bliss and babies. Now, at nearly 23, I’m in the throws of planning my wedding, while the possibility of motherhood and all that jazz flits about my mind as a pleasant thought.
And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
I rare expect to get married. I always think, I’m still young for it and marriage life is the serious relation. I have the idea as if I love anyone, I just wanna stay with him ( her ) forever, I don’t care the marriage register. We just spend the time,together. That’s enough. I think, the marriage doesn’t garantee, we can be together forever, or you”ll be honest when the percentage of divorce cuple higher every year. It doesn’t mean, we can’t have any babies. I don’t mind if I got married when I was 50 ’cause I can saty with my couple until that time.
I always thought I’d be married to at around 23! Though when I turned 23 I was like ohhh I am not gonna get married yet LOL. There was even a time when I thought maybe I shouldn’t have kids since I have so much going on with a career and such (would it be wise to have children to bring into my future hectic-ness?)
I am in a serious relationship now. And I am ready to settle down with him. Though he’s still in school – but we talk about our future kids, how we want to spend the rest of our lives together etc… It’s fun thinking about it when you are with the right person!
I’m one year older than you! You’ve got time!!
I hear you! I’m 30 and it feels like everyone my age who was going to get married already has. Apparently statistically I have a better chance of being killed in a drive by shooting than finding a husband. I always figured it was easier for men. Maybe I’m wrong.
@deemure - LMAO! Love it!!!
Wow, you wanted marriage in your early 20s at age 18?!
You know, I don’t think drugs are good for teenagers. lol, jk.
Dang, even as a kid I knew marriage was not a foresee-able possibility until I was at least in my 30s (or very, very late 20s.)
20s to me are/were still an age of self-discovery, a time to adjust myself to work and find balance before the whole settling down shebang in my 30s.
But who knows? Maybe one day I’ll get myself knocked up, knocked out, and then carried to the altar before I hit 27.
Don’t put so many expectations on yourself.
that’s me right now—>wait..what? what is marriage? o.O
so..i wouldn’t worry about being behind. you’re a guy, and despite what facebook shows, i think u still have plenty of time to think about it. 24 is young for a guy to be thinking about marriage.
Maybe you can try seeing it from a different perspective. I know of enough people who have gotten married in their 20s…and are now divorced. Do you want to be part of that statistic? Enjoy your single life, choose wisely, and make sure you get married for the right reasons, not because you feel like that’s what you should be doing @ your age or because of immediate environmental pressures.
I think late 20s-early 30s is good too. That’s like the average, ideal age imo. You’re settled with life, you can pay off mortgages, and kids aren’t something unexpected at that point. I’d say for the guy, since they don’t need to take into account birthing age like the woman does, being in their early to mid 30s is ideal. For the woman I’d say late 20s and early 30s is ideal. A couple years isn’t too bad.
Just don’t go rushing into a relationship thinking she’s the one, please!
I don’t wanna see an emo Alex. I wanna see a happy, mushy Alex.
@jeannie_dot_com - I wonder how long they will last though?
@phuck_diz_shiz - Yeesh. Perhaps a small wedding would be better for me then.
@mycontinuity - I’m not worried about getting married more so that I would marry so late that I would be out of touch with my future kids.
@Yohkom - All the little Alexes will bound to have big heads (physically) haha
@mizz_chan - That’s how I’m thinking about it now! Indeed, the trend is getting later and later for a lot of career minded people.
@stupid_systemus - Well, apparently you’re not alone with these thoughts. I’m surprise so many people are relating to this.
@HelenYun - Scared of what exactly?
@SaveMeFromMyself25 - Thanks. I’m surprise this particular entry is getting so much attention. I guess more people can relate to this than I thought!
@spanishdaisy - Yeah, I have my parents set the benchmark for me too it seems. I’m okay right now, but time isn’t slowing down!
@sobia_siddiqui - It sucks how much influence our peers can have on us. Do you still want to get married now, or do you feel you want to wait until you get more settled down in terms of job and what not?
@fLiPgUy31O - When I was 18 I didn’t think I would be in grad school.
@Made2sing4Jesus - That’s good for you =) . Yeah, I’m just thinking with the job market right now I want to have a clearer idea of where I’ll be in terms of work and even living. I honestly do not know if I will still be living here on the East coast or move elsewhere over the next couple years.
@morningmoka - I guess I do have no choice but to go with the flow =P
@Galbsadi - I can see why you understand my situation because yours sound very similar to mine. Funny how all these outside influences affect us. Idk why, but I have raising good kids as one of my accomplishments I hope to achieve before I die.
@llamalima - I’m not jealous persay of my peers that are married now…but I have a feeling it’s going to get to that point in the next few years as I reach my intended age frame I figured I would be married by.
@MochaSprinkle - Normal is quite hard to describe nowadays. I fine marrying later, but I just hope to be an active part in my future kids’ lives.
I always thought I would want to get married around 25. I’m now 22. I thought I was right on track as I was in a serious relationship for the past 3 and a half years (We recently broke up unfortunately). Graduate from college, be engaged for a while, and get married. That was the plan. And then a few weeks ago, the plan died. Ah well. I guess expectations change as we grow. But I would want to get married in late 20′s though and be married for a while before kids come along and ruin everything. =P
@Hinase - I don’t feel like I’m rushing things just yet. I know I still have some time, but I also know that time flies by haha. We’ll see how it goes.
@SpAnKyLiCiOuS - Haha yeah, I’ve definitely learn it’s hard to plan these things out. My main concern with wanting to get married within the next 10 years or so is because of the kids factor. I hope to be an active part in their lives.
@Cucumber_Melonhead - You’re right! Should have thought about that.
@CuaSo - true, I may already know the girl =) . Ahh…and yes, I understand what you mean. I’m not very worried just yet, but in a few years if I’m still in the same situation I think I will be.
@Spectrophile - Yeah, I’m not worried about that aspect. I’ll wait a long time if it’s for the right one.
@elizabethtravis - Wow, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I will surely heed your advice.
@Passionflwr86 - Well doesn’t sound like you are! =)
@unshakeablekingdom - No problem. I almost decided not to post this publicly, but hey being candid like this hasn’t stopped me before.
@oxyGENE_08 - It’s our quarter-life crisis speaking to us =O
@Got_Claws - Did Barney from HIMYM create that? haha
@Drugsy - When did you think you were gonna have kids? At 28, or a couple years later?
@XoPinkHeart - It’s not one of my major worries just yet, but it possibly can be in a few years if nothing changes!
@Invisible_Crazed_Chica - Yeah, I’m glad I don’t have children now. Would make schooling and work a bit harder to do.
@ACGuinn - Funny how naive we once were, isn’t it? Thank goodness I didn’t get married at 22! Definitely would make things now a bit more complicated!
@lilxwunxnxluv - Haha okay. Yeah, I better be set by the time I’m 35!
@Peridot21 - I didn’t think it was such a common worry until after seeing everyone responding. I’m not super worried about it now, but in a few years I might. I think I’ll be fine…this entry was just a late night musing =)
@Utoppia@datingish - I see what you mean. I guess if I was setting things at the pace I would want it to go things would just be slightly different right now. No marriage/kids just yet!
@Insomnia_Pickles_XtraTomato - commitment issues were bigger for me when I was in college. Now, not so much…but it took some time to get used to it.
@LoBornlytesThoughtPalace - Hmm, looks like I’m screwed.
Five of my relatives married in their early 30s. I don’t know what that’s supposed to imply, but I though I’d just throw it out there.
@angelsandemotions - I don’t like the idea of being the last of my friends to be married, but who knows…maybe in the future I just won’t care as much.
@deemure - haha definitely no rush for that
@themonstress - Yeah, all of our schedules are subjective and ever changing. Getting married at 18 might be good for them, but may not be for you.
@christykim - I feel ready to meet the person I would eventually marry, sure!
@pcketfulofsunshine - A few years ago I wouldn’t have guess this would start becoming a possible worry. Oh how life changes.
@nov_way - My kids will be awesome. Fact ^___^
@sugar_mama - Indeed. What’s your thoughts about kids? Do you feel you want to have them not too late so you can be as active in their lives as possible?
@sw33tw3asl3 - I didn’t know about the car accident =/
@simplecandor - haha that’s a nice way of putting it
@cognney - That’s probably true. Wish it was easier than it sounds
@tomorrow_may_rain - I’m fine with waiting a while for the right person. I guess ideally I would like to have children within the next 10 years so I can be an active part in their lives.
@hellstar0604 - Yeah, I think that’s pretty much how I came about my expectations as to when I would wanna be married by. I figure within the next few years I should be settled down enough.
@skylar_rose - I’m very happy for you =)
@rioinbangkok - Marriage was not a reality for me for the longest time. Just seems lately it’s been in my face a lot more that I can’t help but think about it.
@AmeliaHart - Haha well at least you’re half way there! I’m…not XP
@Mrs_Jack_Daniels - I actually honestly think I will be fine with finding some I would want to marry within the next 10 years. The urgency is more with the kids factor in that I want to be active in their lives. So, having kids within the next 10 years would be ideal.
@juslitome - That’s how I see my 20s too. I just wouldn’t mind at least finding that person during this time period so by the time my late 20s/early 30s roll around I’ll be ready!
@wyrdkismet - I would think so too, but all these outside information sure make it sounds like marriage should be a relevant topic to discuss now!
@Persoispoli - yeah definitely not. I’m glad I didn’t marry early. I just hope I don’t marry too late mainly because of the kids factor.
@snapeful - Be careful what you wish for Angeline!!
@Riinaaa - Ah yes, kids will be out of the picture for at least a year or two after I get married!
@x3style - haha THANKS
@Roadlesstaken - oh i hear ya. believe me on that one. but something tells me you’ll be just fine. hang in there buddy!
I read this last night, then later on that night I had a dream. I’m a couple years younger than you, but I at least thought by now I would be with the person id be with for the rest of my life. sounds crazy. but my dream last night was about me rushing into a relationship & starting a family because I thought I should. I ended up being really unhappy, I didn’t like my husband and felt like a prisoner… I said all that to say, I believe things happen for a reason. I’m still single for a reason, I didn’t meet my future husband yet for a reason… I think the same goes for you.
@Roadlesstaken - the car accident was 8yrs ago. I’ve ok about not being able to have kids. I’m enjoying the dating scene and look forwad to a great relationship but I know it’ll when the time is right.
I got married at 34 and now I’m 40 no kids yet. It can take a while but better late then never
@LillyVRose - Interesting
how that happened! Yeah, I don’t really think too much about the time
aspect to get married as I am about children. I just want to be an
active part of their lives, and having them earlier rather than much
later will have make that come true. Know what I mean?
@Happily_Married_Guy - I like how your s/n relates to this post haha.
you’re not falling behind, your friends are just marrying young!
I won’t worry. I think the 18 year old Alex would now realize there are so many other things to be considered. Our paths in life is not often clearly charted. So relax…
I can’t wait to see the little Alexes starting to blog. “My first Blog.”
one of them got married cause she got knocked up and the other couple is truly in love lol
what?! why do i have to be careful what i wish for? i don’t think there’s anything wrong with a happy alex
Alex, I feel your pain completely, so many of my peers are married, getting married, and or have had kids in the last several years. Heck my first boyfriend got married the year after we broke up, and that tears my heart in half, time-after-time. Fast forward almost ten years later (we broke up in 2003), I am still single, and I want to be married by the time I am THIRTY and want to adopt kids at the latest by THIRTY-FIVE. Given, I believe that God brings you the right kind of people in your life when you need them most or he may have already brought them to your life and we are not aware of his plans for us and our futures. So, I feel your pain completely, hang in there and know that you are not alone in feeling this ever.
Kuddos, though for writing this entry!
Erin
yea, I hear ya
WE’S SLACKIN’, YO!
I’ve followed the exact timeline you posted LOL. It wasn’t planned but it wasn’t a huge surprise to me either.
I didn’t know guys thought about these things too. It’s kind of refreshing to hear the male perspective.
i’m surprised that so many still want to get married in their early 20′s.
Alex, you’re only 24! I know tons of people that are 24 years old and have not yet gotten married. But hey, if in two years we’re still single, let’s get married
hehe just kidding……. maaaybe hahaha
Sounds a bit like me
I’m 20 now, always thought I’d have a good job by the time I’m 21, I’m not gonna make it, then I would have kids by the time I’m 25 but does plans are not going to happend. I want an education before I get kids and I don’t know what I wanna do for the rest of my life. Marrage will have to wait. 
Simply just go with it.
Always you have big ideas of how your life will be in the future but when the time comes you don’t have a clue what to do
@Roadlesstaken - I didn’t plan on that part at all lol but I think I always assumed I’d have them around then as well, but I know I wanna have time to enjoy a marriage before brining children into it lol!
i thought i wouldve graduated from college, living in a house and had a baller job by my mid 20s lol
No hurry. Really.
I’m a 22yo female, and I worry about this every single waking moment of my life. Seriously.
Jesus, what’s your rush?
Accept yourself and go at your own pace. A good looling young man like yourself will have no problem finding someone wonderful to settle down with. Enjoy your youth.
30 is the new 20. Just keep doing what you’re doing and she’ll come around. It’s worse in larger cities where everyone still wants to have fun and focus on their careers. Most of my friends are in their late 20′s and early 30′s.. not even 1/4 of us are married.
Yep, I know how you feel. I hate FB, getting on there and seeing all the relationship updates and my status is still sadly single. People remind me of all the freedoms that come with being single, but I don’t have many single friends that can share those freedoms with me!
I always thought like you ..now I’m 21 and the whole marriag/baby thig is starting in my surrounding too. Its crazy because I dont feel ready at all, but life is already ‘real’ and serious. I also know this guy (who is nearly 28) ..he’s my ex and now we are reaaallyy good friends, and I know if we get together again we WILL marry. I don’t know though. I wanna be young too when I have kids…but I think its more important to have some experience and be entirely ready for it than to be 5 or even 10 years younger or older. And of course to have no doubt in the other person…so I’ll probabaly marry in my early 30ties too when I’m entirely ‘grwon up’. And I guess you can never plan life out really…
lol sorry for my rambles… I feel ya.
interesting…
I was your 18 yr old self and my boyfriend is the 24 you.
Seeing my friends getting married and having kids made me feel like I was closing in on my dream. Finish college and bam! marriage! My ex an I were already together for 3 years, met each others families (almost entirely), and parents even inquiring about wedding plans. Crazy how things didn’t happen. I don’t even know if I want to look forward or even “plan” anymore.
My current boyfriend, on the other hand, is a few years older and is at the mid-twenties point feeling even more exactly like you do. He’s kind of determined to marry me lol. I don’t mind his feelings, I just can’t afford to invest so much into “planning” anymore. I’m still so hurt by my 3 year investment. heh
I got married when I was 19. My ideal age would be at 22. When I think about now, I would prefer to get married now (24) or 25.
Don’t worry. Take your time. Get everything that you want to get accomplish, accomplished. Then when you are ready (mentally, emotionally, and financially), go for it!
I knowww. The fact that I’m turning 27 in a month definitely does not help.
loll
I could relate to ya. There’s an old buddy of mine from high school that was a wild child and very rebellious. He would skip class and get caught every now and again. After graduation, he joined the Army and is now stationed in Kansas. The guy is 21, married, and had a baby girl a few months ago. A complete turnover from what was expected!
Don’t worry much about that stuff though. We are still young and have many years ahead of us. Just let the wind blow and things will come to you eventually. If you were 40…then that would be another story…
Alex, there is no doubt she is right there waiting for you! I’m 20 and I plan to be married and with one kid at least before I’m 30. I’m making that happen! haha
I’m 21 and my mom is ready for me to get married. She told me a couple weeks ago that if I really wanted to just let her know and she’ll find a guy for me.
hmm, i should probably re-evaulate my life. i’m 18 and i want to get married around 26, start having kids when i’m 28.. but i’m trying to learn that life doesn’t really go as you planned. i already know one girl from my graduating class who is engaged, but she’s a different story. but it did hit me that someday i’ll be seeing my closest friends and others on facebook getting engaged. it’s crazy.
Ai yah… I know how’s that like… when you have all these Chinese aunties and uncles who keep reminding you at every reunion or some potluck party that you need to find the right girl, you feel very pressured indeed.
Cheer up, just think of all the angpows you can collect during Chinese New Year.
I’m kind of in the same boat. I keep getting told don’t worry and don’t cave in too early…and typically told by the very same people that got married from 17-25ish. go figure.
i know what you mean… that question has been hitting close to home for me too especially since i turned 22. three of my friends got married this summer and they were my age. five of my friends recently got engaged and they’re only two years older. my best friend just celebrated her five year anniversary with her boyfriend. honestly, where does that leave me with i’m not even currently dating anyone?
i mean… i honestly wanted to be married by 26/27 but i’m not sure anymore because i have advanced degrees i want to pursue. also, it’s really hard living in the city.
I’m 18 this year, and this is exactly where I think I might be in future. (Then again, nobody knows). I’ve always wanted to get married around 24 or 25, but I guess 27 or 28 would be just nice as well. I’m always one who would love to settle down and loves companionship. I know I’ve got a pretty long way to go, so I’m now working on learning to be solitary and happy with being single.
Of course, though, there are times when I think about the future, and what I envision for myself. The thing is, life hardly ever goes according to our plans, and thats why I have a feeling that I will settle down late, and my friends whom don’t envision that for themselves will settle down earlier.
I guess I will have to just stop worrying and see where life takes me- after all I am very young, but reading this did strike a chord in me (:
I dont understand why everyone is in such a rush to get married. There’s so many things to experience before you “settle down”. See the world, travel a bit, meet interesting people, live LIFE a little. Yes, finding that special someone, get married, and have little mini-me’s is great and dandy but its hard to travel with kids in tow. But then again, i probably have a different perspective on life than most people. *shrugs*
But i firmly believe, one should be financially stable before getting married.
Marriage was the last thing on my mind, and then my younger brother got engaged. It’s making me wonder if I’ll ever get married, even though I don’t even know if I want to.
People have different time lines, Alex. I don’t see it as falling behind. When it’s the right time for you to settle down with someone and start a family, you’ll know. I’m 26-years-old, and I’ve never been in a serious relationship (done the whole casual dating thing for a couple years). This is by choice because I don’t feel ready for that kind of commitment. So many people think they are ready for these kinds of commitments, but they really aren’t. Some people think that getting married and having a family is what they want, or is something they should have because so many others they know want this or have this. I personally choose to focus on myself, my career path, and my family. I do go out and interact with people; however, I don’t hope and wonder if I would ever meet someone special, get married, and have children someday. If someone special does enter my life, then I will welcome him with open arms. However, I am content with how things are now. I think you should focus on yourself and your life and keep doing the things you love.
I think that you should just take it easy.. If its meant to happen then it will. Dont rush it! You wont be as happy as you could be.
Silly. Don’t worry about falling behind. I’ve seen one too many cases of compromising situation just because my friends feel that they are ‘falling behind’ compared to their friends. Tsk tsk, hate compromising. Good things like cheese and wine, takes time. Well, so does good sex LOL!
Am I the only one who thinks married before 26 is too soon!? I had a friend married at 22, lots and lots of fights drama…i dont think she got to enjoy singledom when she had a chance. Now shes worked things out but…I wouldn’t change places with her at this point. I’d rather be married at 30 and be happy my first years of marriage than married at 22 and throwing a Christmas tree at my newly wed husband!
At 19 I thought I’d never get married, I wanted to be a business women and rule the world…have money and hopefully die young. But by the time I was 22 I fell in love, fell out of love and realized that finding love and a relationship was harder than finishing law school.
Now I’m 26 all my college roommates are engaged/married/had baby and waiting to get married…. I don’t know where the hell I went wrong. One of my exs even got married this summer…courtesy of Facebook. Damn facebook!
I don’t know if i’m on the right path since I’ve been so hurt and used that I’m not willing to open up at all or get close to another guy. But one thing I know for sure. A women’s options get less and less as she gets older and older. While a man at any age…even 35 can still date a 25 year old.
I’ve thought about my life utterly single and alone and I think I prefer that as opposed to setteling for a loveless marriage. (Oh and I did have a back up guy friend…too bad he’s NOW GAY!)
@galadrielspitcher - Indeed they are! It still kinda pushes the issue in my face though
@ElusiveWords - I’ll help promote them!
@Endless21Echos - I’m surprise at how un-alone I am in feeling this! Crazy!
@CaKaLusa - We need to get our acts together!
@hana_sj - the first or second timeline?
@fragility_beautiful - Apparently it is something we think about, but not too many will admit it.
@LillimNo9 - looks like the trend is pushing it later and later as more of us want to work on our careers.
@omggsoozin - Haha I actually think I have that agreement with a friend of mine! We still got a few more years left thought before we are suppose to follow through =P
@SubwaySpoon - Yep, gotta try to ride out this wave!
@hotboyollie - I thought finding a good job right out of college would be so easy. Boy was I wrong!
@transvestite_rabbit - @Teufels_Hofnarr - I still would not want to get married until at least a few more years. I’m thinking more about the kids factor. I just wanna be an active part in their lives as long as possible, which unfortunately that does have a time limit on it =/
@Quencherita - Yikes =O . Fortunately you’re still quite young.
I’m young, but my husband is in his mid thirties, (we got married last week). He didn’t seem super concerned about getting married that late, but he does know that he wants kids before he hits forty.
@grannyinboxers - Thanks =) . Yeah, I don’t think I’ll have an issue finding someone special to marry. It’s just some other factors like wanting to be in my future kids’ lives as long as possible.
@try2Bgood - It’s funny; when you’re single you see all the happy couples, but when you’re in a relationship you see all the happy singles!
@MusicallyEclectic - I live in the suburbs, so maybe that’s part of the reason why a lot of my friend are already getting married and settled down here. I should just move to the city haha.
@PocketfulOfDreams - hmm, if you’re sure you two will get married if you get back together what’s holding you two back?
@babiipnay7o6 - Haha that’s interesting. Yeah, if I meet someone I’m not gonna be pressuring them into thoughts of marriage right now. I’ll let it naturally ride out =D
@jeezshoua - Yeah exactly, which is why I don’t wanna get married yet. I think I’ll be okay dating the girl I’ll eventually marry now thought!
Man what is the rush? When you have more life experiences, met hundreds of great women and even matured a bit you will be so happy that you slowed down…marry this young and yes it could work but you have not even developed and learned who you really are yet…
@supastaa - What’s your prognosis as of this moment?
@LibrisOfVanity - Oh gosh, I hope I’m not 40 and still worrying about this!
@twentyse7enn - See, now I feel like I’m falling behind you too! haha just playing
@SimplyNita - arranged marriage?
@xx0behindthesmile - It is right? It can be annoying!
@Cultur3sh0x - I will remember that, thanks! P.S. I say aiyah a lot too
@robbiearnold - haha yes, I find sometimes the advice people give and what they do don’t coincide.
@jia_x3 - Yeah, those are a couple obstacles. How long do you think you will stay in the city?
@mandyman27 - I think we all got to figure out ourselves before seriously considering being with someone else. I feel I have accomplished that and I’m ready to move on to the next phase! haha
@brybrymusic - I agree, people need to slow down! Would help alleviate some of the pressure haha
@EccentricSiren - That’s how it happens. I wasn’t thinking about it much at all recently and then all this stuff pops up to remind me.
@mindfulreflections - Thanks for the advice. For me, I’ve been through a long period of relationships and now I’m in a long period of being single. I’m content with it…but man, I think I’m ready again!
@BeckyHinshaw - Nah, even with those pressures it ain’t gonna rush me into marrying someone prematurely! I got standards haha
@tollyyjoy - My favorite sentence was the last one =P
@sari_hi - I doubt you’re the only one who thinks that. I personally think that’s too early, for me at least. Yeah, it’s weird seeing an ex get married. So far I’ve only had that happen once, but I’m waiting for the others to follow along! Overall I’m not worried about not finding someone. I just don’t want it to be tooo late in life.
@Shy___Away - Congrats on getting married!
@Gentemann - Yeah, I agree with you. The past 3 years I’ve learned so much about myself that I feel perfectly fine now if I met the person I’ll eventually marry. Commitment, an issue in the past, is not a problem anymore.
I can really relate to what you had to say. The future tends to put us through a lot of thought and headaches, all for the better though, right? And they say that the mind is the first to go, so I think you’re doing well. hehe. keep it up, man!
@koryvue - I can’t afford to lose my mind just yet! Still need it a lot.
That’s funny how things change fast like that. That’s really not all that long ago!
@Roadlesstaken - I’m not sure. I might be here for the next two years or so. Then, I’m looking to move somewhere else for law school. I’m thinking Cali, Chicago, Boston, or DC. I don’t think I’ll feel fulfilled and ready for marriage/kids until I have a J.D in hand.
man.. wait till u get to your late 20s or early 30s and if you’re still alone or not married.. the pressure is crazy!!
The first timeline
Married at 20, pregnant at 22, will have baby next year at 23.
A lot of us have disappointed our 16 year old selves or 18 year old selves. My 13 year old self kept thinking that by the time I was 15-16, I’d have had a girlfriend already. =P
@yan_ni - I think I’m actually worrying about my worrying around that time haha, if that makes sense.
@Coffee_Kaioken - Haha aw man. I think my 13 year old self would be very proud of me, unlike my 18 year old one.
A friend’s mom once said, “if we feel like we are missing out, falling behind, or incomplete in some way because we haven’t found a significant other, perhaps it is really not suitable for us to find him/her at the moment. Only once we have enriched our independent selves to the most, and truly feel like we are complete, not falling behind or missing out without another person in our lives – that’s when we will have the utmost potential to add more meaning to another person’s life. So don’t search for others. Keeping searching for yourself. If you do it the right way, the other person will naturally come to you.” Probably one of the best advice I’ve ever got. Thought I’d share
@xx_x_beautifully_broken_x_xx - That is indeed some good advice
You’re not falling behind at all! And you can always buy a wife from China if you’re getting older and still single.
@The_Girl_In_The_Other_Room - Hmm, for some reason I think that would not be the same =)
It’s quite normal to ponder such thoughts from time to time, but don’t worry. You can’t rush love..it’ll come when it’s right. =)
@Babieboo_Annie - hope the right one comes before I get too old that I can’t be as active in my future kids’ lives!
that’s really interesting.. i think my ex thought something along ur line of thought… however, of course, things didn’t turn out that way… i too had this timeline… of course, i thought i’d be graduating law school at the age of 26… and not being a 1L… but yeah.. i was supposed to ORIGINALLY be engaged at 24.. married at 25, latest 26.. and pop 2 kids out before 30… haha.. this was when i DID want to have kids…
now, i just hope i can meet someone by the age of 28… no kids… and that’s it.. things change is all i can say.. and things never go as planned
@peGGanOra - Yes, it’s definitely hard to guess what we will want and not want in the near future.
Patience is a virtue, Mr. Alex Chan. She’ll come to you sooner or later.
Reading this makes me doubt my own estimations. I want to get married between 25 – 30, and have kids by 30…hopefully that’s realistic enough
@jumpthenfly - Don’t worry, I’m sure she’s coming and she will be worth the wait =). I think your estimation is realistic enough. They’re pretty much the same as mine!
I know exactly what you are talking about!!!! I had my 5 year plan when I started college, which was not too different from yours, except I was single. Going into year 3 I threw that plan out the window because I was nowhere near being with someone that I could see myself with in “happily ever after”. I think sometime during the plan I realized there is still so much for to discover about who I am and what my dreams and goals are that trying to make a decision of that magnitude just seemed impossible. I’m pretty much where you are now too, in terms of my college friends; I am one of the last single ones in the group. I don’t feel like I need to catch up but I have to admit, turning 26 in April makes me think long and hard about my life (and yes, we are old now
).
i think it’s perfectly fine falling off track in the plan you originally thought. it just shows that you’ve made some choices that have impacted your life and altered a few things than what you expected and personally i think these kind of changes are great because it’s always surprising what will come next. i have no doubt a great girl will come by and sweep you off your feet
@LADYLILYTHAO - Fortunately my core group of friends aren’t getting married just yet, but once they do I’m gonna feel the pressure even more
@xxLilPauliexx - Or maybe I will sweep her off her feet, hmm?
@Roadlesstaken - Hey, people say “40″ is the new “20″ so… =P lol
When the timing is right for you AND her, she will appear in your life.
In the meantime, keep enjoying your life…doing what you need to do…growing, learning, becoming the best you, you can be, for her!
Mom-HUGS!
Prognosis? Nowhere close to being married, as I’m not currently dating nor have anyone I’m interested in dating. 3 years single already. Also currently at the bottom of a 4 year degree with plans on pursuing a masters afterward. It just looks like school and more school ahead, haha. At the time I was dating I pretty much had a similar timeline in mind as yours.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I totally thought I would be married or engaged by this time in my life and every time I get on facebook, there seems to be someone new who has checked that off their list of things to do in life. It’s like everyone made it on the same train that I wasn’t able to board in time and I am watching as everyone ventures off into the distance while I am left at the tracks.
If it is any consolation to you though, during my undergrad, I learned in my “Personal Relationships” class (yep, being a communications/human relations major was as fun as it sounds) that the younger people are when they they get married, the higher their chances are of getting divorced- and those statistics of divorce are MUCH higher than people who who get married at an older age (late 20′s on up).
Don’t worry though, you are not alone and I have a strong feeling that you will find that special someone in the future!!
@supastaa - That’s quite like me. For like 5 years I was pretty much in back to back relationships, and all of a sudden I’ve been mostly single the past few years. Was weird at first, but I’ve gotten used to it.
@adamswomanlost - I’m gonna be the very best, that no one ever was! Oops, I think I stole that from Pokemon…oh well!
@AmyC0987 - haha yeah, I think I’ve read that too so I take comfort in that fact at least =)
just invite me to this wedding so i can vlog it.
@sonychak - Most definitely
ahhh you’re getting me worried n I’m only 19! haha I think I have the same expectations even though I’m not in a relationship right now. I want to be married when I’m 25 but who knows if that will happen.
@MiZzCHERRILICIOUSchink - I guess based on my experiences I would just say be prepared for changes in your thought process as you get older. You’ll be surprise what changes after time!
If it makes you feel better, I used to think I was going to get married by 25, and now looking back on it, I don’t even want to be married by 25. I see myself marrying in my thirties, after I date someone for forever to know that that person is it. You’re not behind, dude. I think people who marry too early are setting themselves up for disappointment. Sure it will work out for some, but at that age of financial insecurity, it’s hard to say for sure when you’re committing to a marriage. Regardless, you know what’s best for yourself, and I can tell you straight up you are doing quite well.
At 24, I think you’re still young Alex. You’re in your prime! so enjoy life and worry about love later. We both know it’ll come along when you least expect it.
Maybe you should be like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, and vow not to get married until everyone is able to get married!
@x_onholiday - Straight up, no lie?
@xkthily - I know. I guess I’m just worrying about my future worrying about this subject, if that makes sense haha
@CareyGLY - That’s one way I can reason with people.
Those things have a funny way of working themselves out. You’ll find that lucky girl when you least expect it : ] I never thought in a million years I’d be marrying someone I met on myspace let alone be where I’m at in my life. Hahaha.
Society has changed a lot since the conventional days where getting married in our early twenties was the norm. My only hope is that I will have my first kid by my late twenties/early thirties at the latest since I’d like to be able to play with him/her without worrying about my back. =P Marriage is overrated at our age when the bandwagon seems to be calling. Find someone you’ll be really happy with first, then worry about marriage later. =D
@xRoxy5362x - You marry someone you met on MySpace? How did others react to that?
@bengozen - Norms are ever shifting!
@Roadlesstaken - Hahaha. I know that’s really weird. My sister actually introduced me to him on Myspace when she created a fake profile to catch her boyfriend that was in the military cheating on her. She added all these military guys as friends on that profile to make her seem legitimate and Brad, my fiance, just so happened to be one of them. We became friends really quickly and we talked for a good 6 months. My family and I made a trip to go visit him and my boyfriend at the time that was stationed there to kinda “check Brad out”. He was really polite and funny and my parents actually liked him and didn’t see him as some creeper. A few months later I had broken up with my then boyfriend and Brad and I started talking more and more then he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. Here I am 3 years later and engaged to him : ] We hardly tell people we met on Myspace because that just sounds so weird : ] We just tell people that my sister introduced us. lol.
Again, take your time. These things will work themselves out, and they’ll appear when they’re ready to.
Following a plan is overrated, btw.
@Femme003 - Yes it is!
So many of my classmates are already married, and I’m only 21. Even if you’re the very last one, it doesn’t mean it isn’t the right time for you.
@randaness - When do you think you’ll get married?
I guess I’m still fresh 18 and I haven’t even had a boyfriend yet and my friends on Facebook from high school are already getting married and engaged!
But I too, had the same ideas, maybe mid 20s…
But maybe later is better<3 Then you wouldn’t waste so much time earlier in life.. getting married to early and all of that.
@whoaitsanita - Yeah, getting married early is not in my plans haha. Just don’t want it to be toooo late.
@Roadlesstaken - Hmm, that’s a… long explanation, I guess. Short version, maybe soon (within a few years?), but it isn’t something I… actively desire.
I actually saw myself getting married too, back in HS, since I was pretty happy with my past-squeeze.
Perhaps your friend saw that you wouldn’t just settle for one that works; but rather *the one*. Hehe, or one of the ones, since there could be multiple people out there [???]. =)
@phosphor_stars - Yup, you remember my multiple ones belief!
@Roadlesstaken - yes, yes indeed! It’s actually one of those things I have contemplated too…I haven’t really decided what I think yet, but it seems to make sense, given the massive population of humans…the possibilities would be even greater if there was a universal language (other than music and math). Hehe.
I was married (twice!) in my 20′s. It didnt work out. I made bad decisions, didnt really know what I wanted or really quite who I was. My latest (urgh) husband, has been married once (to me) in his 30′s. He firmly believes that you should always wait until you are in your 30′s to get married. My last husband was in that must get married BEFORE 30 mindset, so I think a lot of our marriage was based on that, not necessarily that he wanted to be married to me, just that he want to get married to someone.
@sahel578 - Interesting perspective. I definitely don’t feel like I need to get married by a certain age. It would be nice to get married earlier than later so I can spend more time with my future kids at the very least.
I think when we were young, we arbitrarily decide ooo we should get married around (name a number)– this age! Or we see the older people around us who we look up to get married at a certain age. I made my 5 yr plan when Rachel (from Friends) made hers.. I was suppose to be engaged.. right now! haha
I think I was definitely heart broken when I broke off the most recent relationship. I thought that was it.. the “real” deal. In essence, we forget when we do this type of planning the status of our life.. aka career, school, social, family~ they all impact our decision to get in or remain in a relationship. I know you’re not worrying like crazy and hope to just find your future wifey – don’t we all 
I hope you find her soon but while you’re still en route to meet her, I’m sure you will have plenty of fun and meet wonderful people so you can tell her all about it then! <3
@Casa_blanca_lilies - It will be nice story to tell my future kids, my journey in finding the wifey =D