November 8, 2010
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Those Awkward Hello and Goodbye Moments
Maybe it’s just me, but I think hellos and goodbyes are more complicated than they appear. If you think about it, there are a lot of ways for them to go wrong.
For instance, one of my most memorable mess ups was back in high school when I was first introduced to this new girl. She put out her hand for me shake apparently, but I became confused when I noticed she had her palm facing down instead of sideways. Before I knew it, I found myself grabbing her hand and kissing it. Remember, this was in high school and that was totally not the typical way of greeting someone for the first time. I’m pretty sure we both instantly blushed once we realized what just happened and I made a speedy exit out of there!
Awkward turtle much?(That girl did ended up being my girlfriend about a year later, so perhaps it wasn’t totally the wrong move
)Anyway as I was saying, miscommunications like that seem like they can easily happen. The sheer number of possible actions you could take doesn’t help. For example, you could formally shake hands, informally shake hands, fist bump (aka bro fist), high five, wave, head nod, kiss on the cheek, hug, bow, Eskimo kiss (the way this guy insists on doing) and even butt slap (the way this guy insists on doing. Geez, no means no!) just to name a few. You can probably eliminate certain obvious actions not to take given the situation and person you’re dealing with, but that still leaves room for error when you decide what to do among the remaining options. What if the other person decides on a different action than you? Before you know it, you’re shaking somebody’s fist. Err, whoopsies.
Overall, I would say most of those types of interactions do go smoothly with me. I usually go for a firm handshake for formal occasions, when I meet newly acquainted people or when I greet guy friends. I give hugs for female friends that I don’t see all the time. Waving to friends that I see often is usually alright. However, there are times when those actions don’t feel like the best choice.
I often hesitate with how I greet guy friends I’ve known for a long time. A regular handshake seems too formal, so I sometimes go for the informal handshake. That feels odd as well because in the past we would never do that. We only do that now because we don’t see each other as frequently, but I detect a hint of unsureness from all of us whenever we greet or say our goodbyes. The default option is just a wave and verbal “Hey!” and “See ya!”, which works…but it doesn’t seem like it’s enough.
A similar problem appears with my female co-workers. We know each other well enough that a formal handshake feels too formal, but a hug feels a bit unprofessional at this point in time. Once more we go with the waving and verbal choice, but I still sense hesitation from both sides as to how we should handle those situations.
Do you ever have those moments of hesitation right before you greet or say goodbye to someone? If so, you probably understand where I’m coming from. With all the factors that play out, I’m surprise I don’t mess up more often!
Comments (81)
Yes. I’ve just come to accept the fact that I’m awkward and weird, so if I accidentally bump faces with somebody when they go in for a hug, or sweat when I shake their hand, …well…they’ve pretty much come to expect that from me. ^__^
I know what you mean -_-. So I just go for verbal, if I just met them or don’t care too much for them. But in general, I’ll hug em, idc. So, I’m definitely hugging you next time I see you. by the way, the kiss on the hand was kinda smooth ^_^
Those hesitations starts when you’re greeting either a person you have a thing for, have a not so good relationship with or someone you believe you know but you can’t remember – IMO. Safest way I guess is just to smile, nod and say hi/hello. A handshake will always be the best choice – well not for me since sometimes I have sweaty palms. eeew… LOL About goodbyes…same thing smile and say bye/see you, a hug or a “beso” is acceptable too (for those you’re really close with).
My hellos are usually fine. It’s the goodbyes that are awkward…
Especially when someone else comes over to talk to either of you guys; you’re not sure if you should introduce yourself or just shy away from the conversation.. I sort of back away slowly… haha
Guess you owe me a hug. =)
Every now and then with people I’ve just met, I’ll have a somewhat
awkward moment. Sometimes I’ll go for a handshake and the other person
will go for a hug… or vice versa. Then there’s that UHHHH moment. But
I’m pretty good at handling awkward situations, so it doesn’t bug me
haha.
*spanks your ass*
I think you over-analyze these situations, lol. Those awkward moments are mostly just funny to me. I get them sometimes. I’m almost always surprised by hugs from anyone not family. If a friend decides to go for a hug, I’m almost always poking them in the stomach with my outstretched hand, haha! It’s all good though.
I guess the gesture I personally find most awkward is the sideways shoulder-hug that “taken” guys give to other girls. It’s like, “I am so obviously trying to avoid touching your boobs so hopefully this creeping hand around your shoulder makes everything okay
!” I wish they’d just stick with a wave in those situations. :p Just me, though.
Also, if she knew that was why you kissed her hand, the cuteness factor would have gone wayyyyyyy down. Keep those things a secret, Alex! Whenever you do something smooth, take credit and grin–NEVER let on that it was unintentional!
~V
I hear ya.
A pat on the shoulder is usually what we do with colleagues, co workers and sometimes friends. It’s friendly but not too personal or formal.
awkward moments suck. i just give a friendly hug to the ladies, and handshake to the guys.
My friend and I have developed the “awkward hand-slap.” We throw our arms out and slap them around hand-shake level and just keep our hands connected for a few seconds longer than necessary. Then, we just drop our hands and turn to the side.
Of course, with normal people…I hug.For a second too long. Always.
I’m fine with handshakes or hugging other guys. I’m comfortable with that. I’m usually more uncomfortable with hugging girls…
Hahah… I just wait for the other person to make the first move!
@oxyGENE_08 - When I was in the Philippines I would sometimes get thrown off by the “mano po!” Some wanted it, some didn’t!!!
you are not worth a butt slap or eskimo kiss.
@AmeliaHart - LOL. We just do it for older people (old as in Uncles, Aunts, Grand parents) as a sign of respect. If at my age someone will do the “Mano Po” to me I’ll be wtf?! LOL
I’m comfortable with hugging just about anyone. But they typically have to initial it.
awww
that’s cute
I feel you; my empathy comes mostly from blundered fist bumps/high-five misshaps
O man! I thought I was the only one! That weird feeling the comes with shaking hands with long time friends is very finger nails-on-chalkboard. That’s why for all friends I made before 2008, greetings can not involve any physical contact whatsoever. However, if I befriended the person after that, I’m going to touch them. Hard.
I HAVE to say….I LOVE that you kissed her hand! There should be MORE hand kissing in the world!
I’m definitely always down for a hug. For initial encounters, handshakes for sure. I definitely know what you mean though, it gets awkward when the other person it’s on the same page.
hahahaha oh gosh story of my life. is it a hug or a handshake or a high five?! I never know.
yup mostly when I was single and dating around. I never know whether to shake their hands are lean into an awkward hug or what…
one time a guy said hi and i pulled my zipper down.
wait, wrong story.
I have those problems too! Though, in the end, it depends on how much I like the person. Sometimes I go in for the hug, and sometimes I just wave or give a pat on the shoulder. I always hug my best friends before we part though :3
BECAUSE HUGS ARE NICE. VERYVERYNICE.
idk i’ll wait and see what the person does hahaha
dang ballsy much. in hs and already making girls swooning and kissing them on the first meet! amazing game
You romantic guy – kissing a lady’s hand. Ooo…..
I have relatives in Europe that do the 3 cheek kiss, I never know whether to start on the left or on the right; is it cheek to cheek with air kiss or kiss the cheek. With good friends, it’s a hug. With colleagues, unless I know them very well – it’s a handshake. With some good relatives, it’s the handshake / half hug thing.
Slapping butt is reserved for horsing around only and only with certain friends.
I don’t think I ever felt awkward in hello or goodbye moments. Other people have appeared awkward around me, however. Usually, if it is a first meeting, I just shake hands or verbally greet someone. I pay attention to other people’s body language to gauge whether they would like a hug, prefer a handshake, or verbally say hello/goodbye. One of my friends actually measures how good your hug is, just for fun. Yeah…she has a hug scale =P.
@BingleBot - Oh bumping face when hugging is quite awkward, especially when it’s with a guy!
@RaquelHiggins005 - Yes, a hug is the best action for you =) . I wasn’t trying to be smooth! It just sorta happened.
@oxyGENE_08 - So you think for my female co-workers what I’m doing now is the best action for now?
@eternal_relevance - I do, when you come down to Texas with me! I really hope so.
@fLiPgUy31O - With you I’ve gotten used to it, but before I definitely wasn’t used to all the bro fists. That might explains why I sometime pause for a second here and there before I finally do it haha.
@TheMarriedFreshman - Oh so you’re not a hug person I see. I’ll keep that in mind if we ever meet. Sooo, you’re encouraging me to lie to girls eh? Okay!
@Keeko1 - Hmm idk, I would probably feel weird doing that to my co-workers as a way of saying goodbye haha
@ThePrince - do you give the formal or informal handshake, or do you just stick with a the regular handshake?
@purethallium - oh seconds longer hugs don’t bother me. wandering hand hugs though…haha
@stupid_systemus - do you go for a straight out hug with guys, or is is the hand shake/pull in hug type of deal?
I know what you mean about the awkwardness that arises when greeting someone…especially for the first time. I personally am a hugger, but for a lot of people they consider it an invasion of their personal space–which I completely understand. When greeting others firstly, I try to just stick with a simple handshake or a wave from across the table. They say first impressions are everything, but I don’t agree. Those moments of blundering and discomfort can not equal the totality of the individual.
@AmeliaHart - mano po? What’s that? Oh wait, I think I remember hearing it from my friends before…but explain it anyways!
@sonychak - I’m worth more than that of course
@emily_shannon - would you hug your boss too?
@m_kabs - hug mishaps are some of the worst!
@drung888 - Awesome, that’s my current thought process too!! Yay, I’m not so different!
@Roadlesstaken - Depends on which boss and context. I wouldn’t do it if said boss was super-creepy and/or drunk, but I can think of previous bosses that I could give hugs to, if solicited.
@adamswomanlost - I think so too! Perhaps I should start up a trend here!
@mizz_chan - Free hugs for everyone!
@jhesyka - I think once I totally missed all those cues and I just tickled the person at the end haha
@Utoppia@datingish - Oooo those moments. Yeah I usually go for a quick hug depending on how much we’ve talked before, but a handshake works for those moments.
@CaKaLusa - Sounds like the right story!
@lilxwunxnxluv - they are. World needs more hugs!
@s_h_a_sha - so passive. Be a go getter!!
@azndood4you - Now if only I had done that on purpose haha
@ElusiveWords - I was only kidding about the butt slapping. So you do that among your friends??
@mindfulreflections - I think I know someone who judges hug too. I tend to judge people by their handshakes.
@ppeace77 - 1st impressions do stand out because of the primacy effect, but fortunately that can be overcome with time =)
hahaha i hate when people are like… asking for a hug.. when you are clearly not that close to them.
fine i’ll kiss everyone i meet then next time okie?
yeah awkward moments are really weird sometimes and sometimes leave you feel really horrible.
and also greetings depends much on the person….you know like take in consideration their culture. like italians and spanish people…… are really open with say hello with much kisses and hugs and gosh with asians, don’t dot that lol…we prefer just a smile or not even that.
@Roadlesstaken - It’s a “blessing” for those older than you. Though according to my family I should not “mano po” people who are in the same branch on the family tree. Like I shouldn’t mano po a first cousin? Like my first cousin was all offended when I mano po’d him by mistake. And he’s like 40…. sooo I think that’s how it goes hahahah
lol. wow you kissed her hand?! haha. cuteeee. lol. i mean most of the time i go for the hug. i like hugs =D but i wait for the other person more than likely.
I know what you mean. I love hugging my friends but I’m usually too shy to do so.
@banZaii_itZ_keIk0o - both guys and girls?
@s_h_a_sha - that’s a start. Go!
@nomilktoday - Yeah, I don’t think hugging in my family is normal at all. A nod will suffice.
@UnopenedSuitcases - Yep, no lie!
@HeLLo_Bianca - but if you love it, why be shy?
shyness just gets in the way.
@Roadlesstaken - I do handshakes. I do hugs to joke around with guys, but it’s sincere. For girls, I’m ok with hugs as well, but I know when it’s awkward. A girl won’t leave you hanging if you already have your arms stretched out for a hug so they will hug you even if they don’t feel like it. It’s only happened to me once, though.
But generally, I don’t offer a hug to girls unless I really know they’re willing.
For guys, I make it as uncomfortable as possible lol.
..just don’t touch them ..
Oh yeah. I was in NY, I mean, NM, and I was going to hug someone I didn’t know every well goodbye as he held out his hand and then I had to pause mid hug.
hello is just good (: but actually I hate saying goodbye. I usually wait for other person to shake my hand or hug me. It’s okay to be hugged by a girl, mostly I could only shake hand informally with guys =D
You kissed her hand? CLASSIC!
*snickers* Oh, I can imagine the rumors that certainly made a round with her group of friends. Maybe she fell for your knightly comportment, who knows. 
What happened to casual bumps on the shoulder, joking “see ya later, kiddo,” “catch you later” and high-fives? I do understand where you’re going with this, however. It’s funny how coincidental this entry is– I fist-bumped a guy who had his hand outstretched for a high-five, and he’s like, “Dude, you’re supposed to give me a high-five”, and I was too lazy to say that well, I felt too lazy to raise my hand up that high so I gave him one. Yeeeaaaahhh that makes a lot of sense.
Often, it’s less awkward if you part, ie. from work, with just statements and not blunt “bye”s or “hi”s, stated in a parting tone. Like, “All right, expect you to finish all that paperwork!” Or something like that.
Oh and I think someone mentioned that there are “implied” messages in greetings from a guy to a girl. Like if a guy kisses a girl’s hand, he wants her/wants to marry her, and if she lets him grab her hand then he think it means it’s okay to have sex. Which is, of course, a load of bosh unless guys are even more hormonal than I thought they were.
@Roadlesstaken - Yes. I think that’s good. I mean if you’re from around here that’s what you’re gonna get anyway. haha
LOL, I love that you kissed her hand. That’s hilarious!
Haha that’s so cute. You seem very well mannered :p Atleast you didn’t leave the girl hanging. I might have to try the extending arm with palm facing down move… maybe I’ll get lucky huhuhu.
As for first meets, I’d usually hug a female [in an informal setting] othewise just shake hands. With guys, only hand shakes. With close friends we always hug, male or female. But parent’s friends or people from the mother lands; have to get kissed if they’re old on the forehead or on the back of their right hand [more respectful]. If they’re not so old, they get hugged then a kiss twice or thrice on the cheeks.
You’re right, it is complicated.
@mycontinuity - Are you sure that was in NM?
@fabolousclown - It’s interesting that I see a lot of girls saying they usually wait for the guy to make the move. Hmm, I should remember that.
@christykim - Hmm I think those implied messages study needs some more work haha.
@TheCheshireGrins - Yup yup. You met the girl I was talking about btw.
@unfathomed_caves - There’s just a lot of rules and cues you have to pay attention. We do it fairly well, but when you actually step back and look at the process it’s surprising how things don’t mess up more often!
Haha, try it and write down the results. I was confused!
@Roadlesstaken - LOL, that makes it even better
@Roadlesstaken - I know right, going to defo cut people slack in meet and greets from now on haha.. I’ll be sure to jot the result down!
@Roadlesstaken - I don’t mind hugs, I just get surprised by them. Like, “Oh! You want to hug me? Oh okay, then…” And no, I’m not encouraging you to LIE! Psh, I’m encouraging you to agree with someone when they say you did something smooth. It WAS smooth. Whether you meant it to be or not!
Lol. *handshake*..uh..umm..*half hug*?? Or *high five*???..haha All the time..glad I’m not the only awkward turtle in the world!
@Babieboo_Annie - along with awkward moose, awkward snail, and awkward rhino =/
@Roadlesstaken - yaaa. i guess i’m just not a touchy person. haha only if im’ close to my friends i would.
I thought it was a little awkward the last time I saw you and you went to french kiss me as we said goodbye.
Handshakes are always the safest bet at least lol. Guy friends I have to go with a fist bump. Wow on the kissing her hand part lol, I woulda made a speedy exit as well.
@CareyGLY - Yeah, way to embarrass me! Wahhh
@GodaiTheRonin - The real question is would you have made the choice of kissing her hand too? haha
Alex, I’ve actually written about this same conundrum. It gets even more complicated living here in Thailand, where hugs, kisses, and handshakes are not the common form of greeting. So I have to factor in what is appropriate in the eyes of locals, as well as what Thai friends feel comfortable with. We have a German-American friend from San Francisco who is married to a Thai guy and each time we saw him he wanted to hug everyone. Well, in San Francisco that is pretty normal but here in Thailand, especially when in public spaces like restaurants, that was a bit overkill. I’ve come to believe that the wai, a prayer-like gesture with the hands, works pretty well as an all-purpose greeting. But only in Thailand, of course…
There is an old New Yorker cartoon I clipped out that shows a couple walking down the street, approaching another couple who is waving to them. The husband says to the wife something to the effect of, “Remind me, are they hand-shakers, huggers, or cheek-kissers?”
@christao408 - I haven’t really met many cheek-kissers. When I do, I’m sure I’ll mess it up haha.
Haha, life in general is full of awkward, but those moments are prime for awkward. I think like many of the others I’ve just grown to accept that I am awkward. >_>
That happens to me everytime I go to college — so 5 days a week >.> xD But I got used to it. And that story from highschool is just adorable!
I never shake hands. I just nod my head when introduce to a new friend…and I don’t hug when meeting an old friend. But if I am hugged instead, I kiss the neck..
@phosphor_stars - I guess awkwardness isn’t all bad. It’s something to laugh about.
@nov_way - Thanks! I’m still trying to remember if her and I talked about it right after that happened or if we just avoided that conversation haha
@Chemalexandru - You kiss the neck? How come? Is that common?
haha i love this post. it is very true, those can be awkward, and you kiss on the hand made me really lol XD
it’s weird when i’m going to class and need to walk away but the friend and i haven’t seen each other in ages and we kinda stop then tun around and go
@swtaznxtc90 - You can make time for them!
@Roadlesstaken - not common. I’m a short gal and most of my friends are tall. I can’t reach their cheeks when I kiss them, only their necks that are easy to reach and kiss. Not my fault, lol
oh Lordy
haha, you’re so cute and dorky!! It’s true–there’s a lot of akwardness in hellos and goodbyes. With girls I’m usually good with the whole hug, but with guys I don’t tend to do that. Handshakes are usually good when meeting someone new.
I think hugs can be pretty akward around certain people. I mean around Christmastime everyone in our office feels super festive so on the last day before the holidays it’s a hugfest in our office, whether people are comfortable with it or not.
@lil_squirrel4ever - Oh boy, I think I might have to experience that awkward Christmastime thing this year. I think I’m suppose to attend a Christmas party at work =/
ryc: no, sir. not a dare this time.
@TheBigShowAtUD - what was it this time then?
I usually just go in for the handshake if it’s someone new. Old friends, then yeah the question becomes whether the hug is alright if it’s been awhile. That can get awkward sometimes.
@CaKaLusa - LMAO. Nice!
I understand what you mean, but I don’t really think about this issue. LOL.
I was just talking to my friend about how “easy” it is for guys cause when I am with him, he just *head nods* if it is someone he knows but if it is someone is he more talkative with, he’ll shake their hand and say wassup. I was telling him how girls have to be all complicated and STOP and make small conversation when it is really unnecessary and most of the think awkward! I totally stopped this by just waving at people and keep walking unless I know they want to talk or if it is someone I can have more of a conversation with than a “how’s class? Good. Okay, bye.”
Close guys and girls get hugs though.