September 29, 2010
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On A Scale of 1-10, Who Do You Go For?
I recently read something for one of my graduate psychology course that covered this interesting phenomenon called the “matching effect”.
What it basically means is that we tend to look for long term partners similar in looks to ourselves because that reduces the chance of rejection and dissatisfaction. If we aim for someone too high we have a higher chance of rejection whereas if we aim for someone too low we have a higher chance of feeling we could do better.
As you might have guessed, I began relating this back to myself and as much as I don’t want to admit it I feel I have indeed fallen for this effect all my life. Consciously or not, I have ended up dating people that were similar in physical attractiveness as me and when I attempted to see people that aren’t I have felt doubts of the potential future with that person. Right now, I can think of at least one specific example where I ended up breaking someone’s heart due to this matching effect. Yeah, not something I’m very proud of.
Fortunately, personality is still key and my readings even stated a good, strong personality can override this matching effect to an extent. That, however, made me ponder some more questions that I’m wondering some of you could answer.
First, rate yourself based on your physical attractiveness on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most attractive. You don’t have to tell me your rating. Of course all of this is very subjective and in the eyes of the beholder, so rate yourself whatever makes sense to you.
Now here’s the part I’m interested in. Based on how you rate yourself, do you feel that plays a significant factor in who you would go after for a long term partner? To put in a different way, can you seriously see yourself going after someone that’s a few rating points above or below yours, or would you generally stick with chasing after someone around your perceived physical attractiveness rating? Could a great personality sway your decision to go after someone say 5 rating points above/below yours? Be honest.
Alright I’ll end my psychology mode for now, but I’m genuinely curious on how people answer those questions. Let me know below!
Comments (115)
Watch She’s Out of My League.
It talks ALL about this. lol
Well I feel that I’m in love with a man who is much more attractive then me and looks completely different he’s black and I’m white.
Ergg I’d like to say no…but who knows xP.
You know what would be interesting… Have people submit photos of themselves with their ratings, then have other people rate them and see how closely they match.
Yes to your questions.
isn’t it like you can’t get someone 2 numbers higher than you…and shouldnt go for someone 2 lower? hahaha
Haha. Oh my. Well, to be honest, yeah, I want someone around that physical attractiveness level but that’s only cause I’m so messed up xD But the wonderful thing about this is that, it doesn’t really matter cause it’s not just me who’s going to choose said partner – it’s also him and he could be a complete hottie or a bit chubby who happened to like me ( for some random reason, I’m sure) and get my attention. Sooo, I’m just glad I’m not thinking about anyone atm. xD Lovely post!
@npr32486 - haha. That could start some trouble.
Hmm, yes. I agree with this. I would never date someone who i thought was way more attractive than me. Less attractive, yes. But not more. And i really am not attracted to white guys for some reason…hm. I love me some ethnics!! <3
Hmm, very interesting indeed. I would say that I fit this generalization
Psychology if freakin’ fun, huh? 
personality goes a long way with me…but I generally stick to this generalization, I think?
This is very interesting. (I was a Psych major in college a million years ago, btw.) Looking back to my dating years I’d say (now) that the guys I dated would have been in the same area on your scale as I see myself. But, I thought they were all gorgeous.
Looks are important…but as someone on the other side of all this (that’s my polite way of saying to myself…someone waaaay older than your readers) I realize that looks are important. There has to be a physical attraction….but trust me, outside looks will change as you age…and when you get older if you picked someone to be with who is smart, has a good sense of humor, good personality, is kind, considerate, etc…these things will become even more important when you are in your middle to latter years.
No, how I perceive myself doesn’t affect on how I choose potential
partners. I truly think it’s more of an ‘eyes of the beholder’ thing.
the xanga pages are so hard to load for some reason >_<
i think i answered this question already but ill elaborate on it. i would go for someone who is a couple points lower than me. appearance doesnt matter to me in a long term partner, though i would never go for anyone shorter than 5ft 7in. my dad is 6ft and that just wont work lol. anyway, i think cultural background, educational background, values and earning potential matter more when youre talking about a long-term relationship. i think im an 8 and i would go for someone whos a 5, 6, or 7, if we are similiar in other aspects. however i wouldnt even consider someone thats also an 8 if we are completely different in other regards.
Hmm this is very interesting! I discussed a similar topic before… I asked my friends (on FB) if they would date themselves. I wouldn’t date myself, so I guess I would rate myself a 5. lol I know I’m being hypocritical by saying I like to date people in the at least 7-9 range only because I have high expectations of myself (which is probably why I give myself such a low rating) and others.
I am a 7. Eric, I have thought he was a point or two higher. I have done the below and above. The higher is much harder because it’s like they have this complex. Then, the lower it’s like they can’t read the book the cat in the hat. I think if you stay the same attractiveness, you should be good.
@ThePrancingPony - Haha actually I did this past week! That was another thing that inspired this post, although they talked more about the overall package as oppose to looks alone. Still, pretty much the same as what I wrote.
@ArmyDoll - did you go after him first, or did he go after you?
@npr32486 - Oh boy I can see a lot that could go wrong there. I’ll just leave that for Hot or Not site to deal with =P
@nov_way - Ah I see. So, if say a 10 decided to come by and wants to be with you. Would you care how others would see you two being together?
@ch0w - Haha yeah, the rule of thumb. Where did you hear that? I heard it from She’s Out of my League.
@Eternalimplosion - does it matter how much more attractive they are than you? What if they were say just a point up? how about two points? If they’re less attractive, is there a point where their looks really does bother you into feeling you could do better?
@webofsimplicity - Oh yes. I can probably think of at least 5-6 more blog post ideas from this one chapter alone.
@ALovingAdversary - Would you say someone 5 rating points above/below you be a big factor to the point where they need an outstanding personality to bypass?
@adamswomanlost - Oh yeah, I would say personality is much more lasting and is overall more important than looks. What I hate to admit is that looks, as much as I rationalize it not being terribly important in the scheme of things, does play a big factor.
@Keeko1 - So say you were a 5 on the scale. You wouldn’t have any issue with dating someone that’s a 1 or 10, all other things balanced out?
@rxglasshalffull - Gotcha gotcha. Just curious; if you had to rate a celebrity that’s also an 8, who would fit that?
@xkthily - when you say 7-9 range is that looks only or in terms of total package?
@fading_roses19 - A complex of feeling like they can do better?
@Roadlesstaken - DO IT, haha!
Either two above or one below my rating scale. I think.
@MZKRANKY_1 - Is that pretty much set in stone, or could you see yourself going outside that range under certain circumstances?
Total package. Personality and career can boost up points. lol
I rate myself a 6. I work really hard on my teeth and am not disfigured, but I sit at a towering 5’4, so that kind of puts a damper on things.
That said, my most recent relationship was with a girl who was easily a 9, and arguably higher when she actually put effort into her appearance. The girl I am into now would be a 7 or an 8. But I guess I work differently than most; I don’t see people that are attractive and make a judgment call on whether or not I would like to be in a relationship with them. I spend time around them and fall for them as the weeks pass… so it doesn’t feel like a conscious choice for me really.
Girls tend to date for personality more than guys do, at least as a whole. The most successful relationships are when the woman is more attractive than the man… there was even a study that’s results showed that wives more attractive than their husbands had a lower divorce rate than those “equal” relationships or those where the male was more attractive. Really interesting to me.
John
@The_Aftershock_3650 - I find studies of that interesting too, hence why I was intrigued at how people would answer the questions I brought up. Thanks for the well thought out response!
I wouldn’t say do better, per say. Personally, for me… if i went up higher than myself they would be all asshole like, and it pissed me off. If I went lower, they would be like “fucking” a bag of flour. MEANING! no personality, and talking to a brick wall. If we are the same in range, it would be perfect.
Make sense?
To be honest, I met a guy that basically set my standards high and I definitely thought I was out of his league. HOWEVER, that didn’t stop me from liking him much more than I intended, and to this day, it impacts my current decisions. So I do think that the rating system doesn’t apply when I meet someone with a fantastic personality. On the other hand, if the personality’s decent but not amazing, I could see myself dating them casually for the looks. But of course, casually is the key word. What about you?
Hmm, Alex. Quite a bit to think about before I’ve had my first cup of coffee. I’m not sure how I would rate myself – face and personality get more points than body, I’m sure! – but I would guess most of the people I’ve had relationships with have been similarly attractive. They key, though, is less the attractiveness and more the person’s attitude towards it / the importance they place on it. I think of relationships I’ve seen where there has been a disparity in the relative physical attractiveness but the relationships has succeeded because the more attractive partner isn’t vain and lets compliments about his looks just slide off without it stoking his ego.
This is a very interesting post. I have “issues” with the matching principle too. Though I regard myself as generally attractive I never have looked like anyone around me, so it’s been difficult for me to “match” with anyone. Needless to say I am not entirely superficial. I went to a university in a community that was predominantly full of nines and tens, mainly blond caucasian girls. This being said I was never hit on at bars (except by people who had a fetish for the exotic look); however, when I make my way to the big city I’m complimented a lot more. Looks are very subjective and depending where I am I can be anywhere be a 9 or a 2.
I honestly don’t know what I’d rate myself. I never bother rating. Looks-wise, I’ve always had low self-esteem, so I’d give myself a pretty low rating. Personality, on the other hand, I think I’m awesome. Sure, I have some flaws, but I’d like to think they’re negligible since they’re minute compared to my good points. So, looks: low… personality: high. I guess it averages out to be overall: average. *shrug*
As for my current relationship, that will most likely result in marriage, my bf is not all that attractive. He’s not ugly, but there’s just nothing “wow” about him in the looks department. He’s also quite short–5’3″. But considering the fact that I’m not even 5’1″, who am I to bitch about his lack of height? In the personality department, well, he’s a total social hermit, so sometimes he comes off as rude. But, the other parts of his personality make up for everything else. He’s in med school so that he can help others in the future–not for the prestige, not for the money, not for the title. I think that’s totally hot. Well, I guess you can say he sort of is doing it for the money–he wants to be able to make enough so that his wife and children will live comfortably, so that his wife can stay home and take care of the children while he works to pay the bills and put food on the table. He puts me above all else, and he would never do anything without asking for my opinion first, because my opinion matters that much to him. I have a friend, who is now a doctor, who initially met my bf and didn’t think much of him. After conversing with him for about 10 minutes, I could see that she was totally digging him. I guess that’s my confirmation that his personality is quite wonderful. Where I am weak, he is strong, and where he is weak, I am strong. I guess it’s a good balance. I think life is all about balancing, which means I’ve struck gold here. =) (Don’t you want to puke now after reading this?)
@Roadlesstaken - Him at me, he’s still getting at me lol.
almost anyone is fair game for me. i’m more on the personality and comfort level. looks are secondary.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KjpyHX7X-o
I don’t think I’d go for a girl who’s a 10. I can go I guess a notch higher and lower than my score based on looks and probably 2 -3 notch lower based on personality. I guess what’s important is you keep it real but if you really have the guts why not for it, excuse the cliche but you wouldn’t know unless you try ~ I remember awhile back there was a facebook fad around here, they called it “Love is Blind” ~ posting pictures of couples with one being uber hot and the partner — well we can refer to them as the ‘lucky’ ones. But I mean we really can’t tell, if you both click no matter what the odds are it’s perfect – as they say – MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.
i give myself a 6. and i honestly go for girls who are within 2 points above and below the range. although, personality is what really seals the deal for me.
10 – b/c I’m so hot that no one is good enough for me now
Sometimes I think Andrew is way more attractive then I am. Just last night I was looking at him and thinking why would he go for me, he could do better
Looks are important to me but I always talk to guys based on personality. Personality is huge. But not to sound shallow, I wouldn’t date someone ugly or fat. Fat because they’re most likely unhealthy D:
Ok so after reading your post as you said to this is what I have for you. Overall including looks and especially personality I would still rate myself at about a 7 this is including input from a male friend of mine who decided over drinks one time to explain to me why he rated me as a 7. A lot of it came down to that while I’m apparently cute, I have a great personality and am pretty interesting to hang out with and based on my outlook on life and such I’m someone that he could see guys wanting to date and that guys who didn’t find me that attractive would be able to see why my partner would want to date me
Regarding relationship partners especially after reflecting on past relationship there were a couple where I would have rated my partner either above or below me on a 1-10 scale and some that were probably about the same. Overall in a partner I’d probably be more comfortable pursuing someone who was at about the same rating I place myself at as a long term partner but personality for the guy/girls I fall for is a huge part of what attracts me to them but say I’m at the bar or something then yeah I’ll definitely go out there and flirt with guys who on looks alone I’d rate as say a 9 just because it feels good when they take the time to dance with me or chat for a bit. Overall though deal breakers for me come down to personality and goals. Hope that’s more of what you’re looking for.
five. yes, an attractive personality can sway me. the last person i liked? a 3…no wait. he’s probably a 1.5, but because he has such a great personality, he gets bumped up to seven.
i’d have been with people below a five just as much as people above it; there’s no stopping me!
@fading_roses19 - Yeah, I gotcha =)
@x_onholiday - So you would say nowadays you have no trouble going after guys that are 9-10s? I think I can handle it, but like I said most of my previous relationships have been people more down to my level.
@christao408 - Ah interesting new viewpoint there! I didn’t think about that nearly enough as I should. Good point.
@Sophannieta - How have that affected the way you see yourself now? Do you think you underrate yourself?
@tinatran80 - Nah, it’s a good story to tell. You two complement each other, which is a great way for things to end up! Hope it all works out for you two.
@ThePrince - So I read, Komodo Dragon haha
@CareyGLY - Haha, what made you post that particular video?
@oxyGENE_08 - Yeah, if those two are happy with each other that’s great! It’s very rare to see it work out that way though when you look at the general population.
@verified_but_still_denied - Could personality extend that range at all?
@McScarry - Aw man, you must be dissatisfied all the time then! haha
@HeLLo_Bianca - apparently studies show you wouldn’t be alone in thinking that way!
@shuang_zhaohui - Thank you thank you. You certainly took the time to answer my questions! I appreciate your viewpoint.
@pcketfulofsunshine - Haha, 1.5 is pretty low. Hmm if you were to rate a celebrity as a 1.5, who would that be?
I was a Communications/Human Relations major in college and we talked about this study numerous times. It is so incredibly fascinating to me and yes, I feel like I stick to looking for sometime 2 above or 2 below me on the scale. Personality definitely is a factor for me, and I would be more than willing to date someone for their personality rather than their appearance, but in general it is pretty much our nature to stick with similar ratings concerning this attractiveness scale. Great post.
@Roadlesstaken - I do chase people out of my league, yes. But it’s more for a challenge.
This post reminded me of the lyrics!
@Roadlesstaken - no celebrity is a 1.5, unless his name is… i don’t want to say.
Wow that’s interesting
but umm I don’t what number I’ll give myself though hmm you got me thinking lol :p
yeah i’m shallow. i go for attractiveness first. but if personality is a turnoff then it all goes out the window
As I’ve looked back on the guys I’ve dated in the past, none of them have similar features. They all had different personalities and mannerisms; they were quite different from me. The only thing they had in common was they weren’t right for me, LOL. The reasons why they were not right for me were not superficial, by the way. Plus, I see rejection as a learning experience and as a good thing (talked about this notion in a past blog). Oh…wait, now that I think about it, another common thing these guys had was the fact that they were mixed ethnic. Like I said before, I don’t score myself or people in regards to looks =P. I never ended the dating process with a guy based on looks.
What about the idea that we subconsciously look for long-term partners who resemble our parents – both in looks and personalities?
@Roadlesstaken - hmmmm idk, they normally wear a lot of makeup whereas i dont wear any makeup. its not fair!
yeah. personality can be the ultimate goal saver. well… to be honest… it can boost at most three points. but if they have that special rare click. they boost five
If a girl is approachable and she can carry conversation, then shes game.
yes to all your questions. they always say if you’re not so good-looking and u date a more good-looking person, the not so good-looking person will ended up hurting.. get cheated on and stuff like that.
but i must say, all my exes (i think) are a bit below or the same “rating” as me. this last one i dated was above.. and so far, its true what they say.. you get hurt more.. coz they’re more attractive and all. more chance for them to find someone more good looking as well.. around their physical “ratings” of themselves.
aaah, hope i made a point? lol
jeeze if that’s the case then I’m screwed for life
i do the exact opposite i look for someone that doesnt resemble me the least bit i like looking at other faces not my own.
as for the long term thing just someone that isnt a douche and can make me laugh pretty much that is all i would have to saylike i like people for who they are i dont look in to much that i would like a specific type
I usually just dated guys that I thought had great personalities..and never really considered them out of my league.
I only go for 10s, that’s how I roll……jk. I am not attracted to perfect looking guys that are considered 10s physically. I am comfortable with a 6-8. I notice I tend to like guys with balanced face, strong bone structure and have some meat on their bodies. A great personality of someone above 4 would persuade me to be with someone because their number would increase dramatically to the point being more than “10″. hmm I sound shallow..well I can’t deny it’s what I am attracted to. haha
@Roadlesstaken - We all get self conscious right. It is difficult for me to pick up men though I have no trouble flirting or getting attention, its quite the paradox. It’s more so difficult for me to chat up a man when I find him really handsome because I think he wouldn’t be into me. Pretty boys for one are often cruel so I generally have aimed lower then my league. I feel most myself when I am around nerds, but am far too bored around jocks. Though I have high league standards I don’t base my choosing on looks, I go for swag instead. A man who can make me swoon just by being himself. Thus, I am single lol
SHES OUT OF MY LEAGUE lol go watch it. one of the best movies ever lol
omg i cant. it feel means rating people.. hehethe person just have to be taller than me not creepy/ crazy or too ugly or looks odd or something
@Roadlesstaken - Umm, yeah i guess if i thought they were more than “two points” would leave me feeling insecure. As for them being less attractive, i guess more than four points could be too much. I haven’t really met any really fugly people who have been interested in me, so its not something ive really thought about too much i guess. All the guys ive dated, or am currently interested in, are probably about the same amount of “attractive points” as me. Maybe im just bad at judging. Id give myself a 7 and most guys ive been out with between 6-8s, so its all been pretty close in my mind.
That’s interesting, but I don’t even know what to rate myself … =/
@Roadlesstaken - hmm 5 points….3 wouldn’t be a problem if the personality was great….but 5…not sure. I can hear the wheels turning in my head. I’ll have to think on that one. I’d like to think it wouldn’t be, but you never really know until you are put in the situation I guess.
Strictly physically, I still maintain I’m a 0-2 rating. I’ve dated some seriously hot dudes though and my boyfriend now is definitely a 10. I have a pretty good personality haha. On my good days, I don’t let my hideous physical appearance stop me from doing whatever I want.
Also, I used to be a lot prettier and then I gained a bunch of weight when I was pregnant and I’ve been depressed lately so I haven’t kept up with little things like painting my nails that you wouldn’t think mattered but added up make a difference and I’m in the process of dying my hair so it’s looking pretty tragic right now. When it’s done, I may be up to a 3 though it’s pretty damaged. Also when I was pregnant, my eye colour changed. Enough that I’m not the only one who noticed and my eyes used to pretty much make my face. Now I’m plain.
So I haven’t ALWAYS been hideous, which is probably why I’ve dated some super hot model worthy dudes. Although my boyfriend met me when I was fat and gross and he still loves me. I think he’s weird though lol. 
Bout tree fiddy.
South Park references aside, I think this is completely true. But they also say couples last longer when the wife is SLIGHTLY more attractive than the male. Don’t know why though.
women with the same level of attractiveness as me? they don’t exist… so I have to lower my expectation, and accept anyone even as low as 9, or even 8… but I won’t accept anyone below that, because that would be like 5 points gap, which is so not acceptable…
Hmm. I rate myself a 5 or a 6 in the attractiveness. But I feel my past gf’s were about a 8 or so. But those girls thought they were probably about a 5 or so… what does that even mean??? hahaaa
i’m prettier than my man in the face, but he has a hotter bod. haha. he’s mexican and i’m white and pale with blue eyes, so we don’t look very similar.
I sure hope the guy I’m with thinks that I’m at least a 9, even though I’m not in reality haha!
strange as this is about to sound, I think my boyfriend is more attractive than me, simply because i’m in love with him so I think he’s gorgeous. However, I also consider us on the same level, so I consider him on the same level as me, and as a ten at the same time, even though I don’t think I myself am a ten. love makes you think stupidly. haha
Sorry, I am off the chart, so I am unable to answer your question.
I think I’m a 6.5 and I’ll go for a 7 or a 7.5. Never an 8, never a 6. I think it’s because I’m comfortable with only a narrow range of people.
It’s hard for me to say, because I have no idea what my own attractiveness is. I have dated guys before who I have not found all that physically attractive, though, so I suppose that would answer your question on would-you-be-ok-dating-someone-rated-lower-than-you. The problem with me is the long-term relationship part – I’m not interested in that with anyone, regardless if they are a 10 or a 1. Saying that might sound weird, because I’m in a long term relationship at the moment, but it was definitely a lot more circumstantial than it was attraction. That might sound like a terrible thing to say, but it’s not that bad, I’m probably just explaining it poorly.
Anyway, I miss psychology discussions
I really hope I get into grad school next year!
Hard to say…sometimes, even when a person’s physical appearance doesn’t change, your perception of his or her appearance can change.
There was a girl who I thought was so-so for a while, but after we actually had a conversation, I couldn’t help but think that she was rather attractive.
@AmyC0987 - Very interesting effect! Causes so much cognitive dissonance in me because I’ve always been a personality type of guy, yet appearance does matter in the end.
@pcketfulofsunshine - doooooo it! Who were you thinking about? I promise I won’t tell him.
@hollywoodfever91 - Think think think! It’s good for you =P
@getyourownsandwich - Do you feel you’d feel comfortable going after someone that’s clearly several looks ratings above you?
@mindfulreflections - Is that an effect too? What is it called exactly?
@rxglasshalffull - so what you’re saying is that you’re an 8 without make up and celebrities that are 8s need make up to get themselves up there? haha
@Roadlesstaken - yes i would haha. there are reachers and there are settlers. if i settle, i will never be happy.
@Agent_Eric - Even if the girl looked like say Shrek you would give her a chance if she can do that?
@pasaway4eva - have you been cheated on a lot in the past?
@insert_label_here_003 - Haha, how so?
@itsayanav - Well they wouldn’t look exactly like you that would be weird! haha. More like the general physical attractive rating level. So you would feel comfortable going after a guy that looked like Shrek or a guy that looked like a Greek God?
@Hinase - Ah, so you would say for you looks doesn’t play a role at all when deciding who you would go after?
@Shades_of_Athena - Don’t you hate that feeling? We know we shouldn’t sound so shallow, yet it’s how our cognition works.
@jeannie_dot_com - I did last week! I enjoyed it.
@s_h_a_sha - sooo you DO rate people then haha. It’s okay be mean, what else is new??
@xchinkylaydee - that current guy you’re interested in…would you say he’s around the same physical attractiveness level as you?
@TheLizarellaProject - I didn’t know eye color can change due to pregnancy! What color was it before and what is it now?
@remiblanc0 - So would you say someone that’s a 4-5 would be best for you in terms of looks?
@maniacsicko - @aznboy4p - Sorry to hear no girls will really satisfy you two haha
@secretsandliesforever - Ah it’s all subjective what we consider is attractive or not. What would you say they thought you were then? a 5/6 or 8?
@SpOnTaNeOuS_sPiTbAlL - would you say then overall you two are about the same physical attractiveness level?
@mystic_sapphire - I think we all kinda hope our SO think of us in such high regard =)
@crazypassions - Actually, that sorta makes sense to me! Not sure how, but it does haha
@christykim - so pretty much what the matching effect says then. Thanks for the input! It’s very fascinating what everyone is saying.
@randaness - Which type of grad program are you going for?
@a_drunken_cellist - That’s how I was with the only girl I loved. First time I saw her I thought she wasn’t all that haha, but man do things change over time.
@Roadlesstaken - WashU’s Brain, Behavior and Cognition program. Although their Social Psychology program is tempting, too.
@Roadlesstaken - I read a couple years ago that it was called sexual imprinting. So, based on your interactions with your parents growing up and your genetic make-up, there are certain traits that you acquire/have, and in turn you develop a preference for that particular trait. However, this is still considered hypothetical.
@Roadlesstaken - Not sure. I think the most recent ex thought I was probably a 4-5. The gf before her probably thought about 7-8.
I always liked that you were in psychology. That’s an interesting field. I’m not sure what I would rate myself, maybe a 4 or a 5. I think everyone’s generally around that rating. But my rating doesn’t quite effect who I find myself liking more. Because I’ve noticed that when I stop liking someone, I am no longer physically attracted to them. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, when I meet them, they’re around a 4 or 5. I get to know them, like them it goes up. Dislike them, and the rating goes way down, sometimes to 0.
I would say I wouldn’t really write someone off completely as “not datable” until I get to know them more..whether less or more attractive. I would say attraction can only get you so far, but if you can’t connect on a deeper level than physical looks and attraction, the relationship will eventually fizz. But in honesty, subconsciously, I think I tend to stick with people I think is on the same level/scale as me. You really don’t want to “climb too high, harder the fall” (loose translation of Vietnamese phrase)..meaning, more chance of you getting rejected or egos hurt if you were to go above your scale. Of course, there’s always exceptions to everything. =)
@Roadlesstaken - noo im saying that you cant really compare two people and say who’s prettier. beauty is subjective. i think it all really comes down to how you rate yourself. =D if you think youre hot shit, then youll carry yourself well. if you think youre ugly, then you probably are.
you know I was just ranting to my friend about my theories on why hot people date other hot people and I knew there was some truth to it. I’d say I try to date people in my attractiveness range but it’s for a completely different reason than rejection that has to deal with my own twisted thoughts about how you can’t expect your partner to be hot if you’re not.
I’m glad you did end this with the fact that physical attractiveness is objective. Alex, you should help me study for my exam on tuesday
since I’m now double majoring in your expertise 
haha ill give myself a 5… but i dont think looks matter as much as personalitys do… i would rather go after someone that is not as attractive but has a good personality than someone whos gorgeous and has a bad personality
@Roadlesstaken - id be comfortable with whoever i am not that picky unless its food then yes im picky but beauty is in the eye of the beholder ive dated both one bettr looking guy than me and one not so much and they ended being the same -.-
I’d say about a 5 regularly, but about a 7 when i’m wearing makeup/fashionable clothes/nice hair etc. yes, i put looks pretty high up when choosing an SO — they don’t have to be OMG HOT but pretty good looking. i don’t go for someone who’s a lower rating that i would put on my scale — i take in their fashion and personality most, looks are around that part. i can’t say who i’d settle for as everyone’s looks vary, and i can’t really define an archetype… it really depends on the person’s structure and etc. i’ve “settled” before and that has never worked out. my taste also changes somewhat — my preferences from when i was 16~18 are different from now. my SO would, in my opinion, be about an 8-9 (dressed up and etc). of course i’ll go higher — but then, you know how sometimes when you start to be attracted to someone, their looks are boosted when you get to know them? i think they’re the most attractive person in the world, but other people might not. i still think they’re an 8-9 from the moment i met them though. sometimes it’s definitely a 10. man i’m corny.
@RaquelHiggins005 - Ah I see. I think that happens to me sometimes, but then I’m not sure if it’s really my opinion of their looks has changed or whether it was really just my overall opinion of that person has changed.
@Babieboo_Annie - Interesting Viet phrase. That’s definitely applicable to this!
@indiechaos - Will you pay me =D?
@Mizlilaznduckie - That’s kind of the thing I’m getting at. Ideally that’s what we would say (I say it), but in reality do you still find yourself generally going after people around your looks level? If you had the chance to ask out a 1 or a 10, how would you feel about it?
@snapeful - So basically you wouldn’t feel too intimidated in going after someone considered highly rated in physical appearance, but going after someone lower in physical appearance would make you feel like you could do better?
@Roadlesstaken - ..that’s a good question. Now I’m a little confused. I think for me, it could just be my overall opinon..I think.
Where are the negative numbers? Otherwise I simply can not rate myself.
@Roadlesstaken - haha im not exactly the most confident person so i would feel uncomfortable asking either of them… but i guess from former boyfriends theyre not as attractive but really nice… i dont know? haha
@Roadlesstaken - weren’t you just saying how I need a sugar daddy? I don’t have money. what is this “money” you speak of?
@Roadlesstaken - Hmm..I’ve given your blog some afterthought, and I think I would rather choose to date someone whose intelligence and personality is on the same level as me, versus their physical attractiveness being equivalent to mine. Of course there needs to be some sort of chemistry or attraction for you to want to be more than “just friends.” I would like to think along the line of: “I fell for your personality..your good looks was just a bonus!”
@Roadlesstaken - no. haha i think i’m hotter. but i’m vain. he’s humble.
@Roadlesstaken - You know it bro, lol.
@Roadlesstaken - pretty much. but i have weird definitions/ratings…. like i wouldn’t rate a muscley white pretty boy a 10, he’d be like… a 5. LOL
@Haruka_Amimu_Shi - aw I’m sure negative rating doesn’t apply to ya!
@indiechaos - Steal it!
The Matching Effect is not all bad, mostly it is because people who are like us also have our same values, thus making the relationship more long-lasting. People who have less in common, interest or in ways of attraction, are going to have more problems more often; therefore, the relationship usually tuns out only being short-term.
For example: take the movie GREASE. The two were good for one another, but the guy put on this tough persona, later he tried to be too preppy to get the girl and she changed to be more bad. Because of the personas used and despite the fact they were physically attracted, later they might feel like they are always having to change themselves and so might break up so they can be ‘who they are’. who we are always comes to the surface eventually, which is why I wouldn’t try to change myself for whomever I am interested in dating/pursuing.
@Roadlesstaken - Hmm, I think his attractiveness is more than me. He gets a lot of girls attention. haha
@Roadlesstaken - Yeah, it’s one of those rarely talked about joys of pregnancy haha. They’re still blue, they’re just way different blue. All my life, I had the most amazing eyes, I got compliments from strangers pretty much every time I went anywhere on them. They were very light and very bright, they almost looked fake but they were gorgeous. Now they are significantly darker and don’t sparkle like they used to.
What’s funny is my daughter has the crystalline colour that I used to so I always joke that she stole them haha. 
My eyes aren’t ugly or anything, they’re just not special anymore.
@Doubledb - Ah I see what you’re saying. So for you, does it matter if you go after someone that’s physically 5 rating points away from you, either above or below?
yes, i would definitely date someone who’s better looking than me. of course! i think i’m a 6.5 in terms of looks, and the guy i liked, his looks would make him a 7.5. combined with his personality he’s a 9.5, and i hope my personality increases my score, too, but that’s subjective
i’ve just noticed that i like my 0.5s and i’ve never dated before, so that might make things different.
how would you rate yourself and your partner?
@Roadlesstaken - I think we should be concerned if we are attracted and if they have other qualities, but I dont know if we should go around rating people all the time, that seems pretty shallow. However, I will admit if I am not attracted to you, you are probably closer to a 1 and if you are a 10, then I would likely judge you based on things other than looks, since obviously you would have that area by observation. I like to think of someone who is a 10 like maybe Jessica Simpson or Pamela Anderson, who might be a 9 or 10 physically but not much going on, so it would make me less interested in them. I am much more attracted to people like Natalie Portman or Liv Tyler, who I would say might not be 10′s necessarily but seem to have more going on in their brain.
oh psychology…
I remember doing something similar to this…in a psych class…if forget which psych it was, social psych or evolutionary psych. the prof wrote numbers on a post it and handed it to us and we had to put postit on our forehead so we don’t see our number but everyone else could. the goal for people to find someone with the highest rating….or get someone with a high rating to take you in. You could figure out how high of a rating you had if a lot of people went up to you. If you got rejected a lot then you know you had a lower rating. the idea was that the high rated people would agree to the high rated people and the lower rated people would get with the lower rated people. It worked for the most part! interesting indeed! =D
@Cucumber_Melonhead - That’s a fun experiment! I wanna test that out on people one day if I get the opportunity.
She’s cute.
@aznspartan94 - –>you’re cute? transitive property?? no homo???
@aznspartan94 - haha nice
After that dreadful post of mine that you’ve read, Alex, I once again consider myself a 7. I’ve never looked better in my life than right now, and being a 7 is seriously an achievement IMHO. But I hope to kick it up a notch and be an 8. I don’t want to be a 9 or a 10. Anyway, on average, the guys I’ve dated, I could put them at 7 too. I don’t know what that means, but yeah.
@spanishdaisy - I guess that just means you fit what my studies described as a natural social phenomenon!
I personally don’t think highly of myself, I’d give myself a 6. Looks are obviously what attracts people first, but personality is what makes people stay! I don’t judge people by a “number” before I meet them. If we click, then we click. Some people say my taste is rather weird in guys, so I don’t really know what number they appear to other people. Haha. If a guy is a 5 to others, but I think he’s perfect, then he’ll be a 10 to me
Planning on meeting Xangans from around the world? That would be something exciting to do.