September 20, 2010

• 3 Obvious Lessons I Learned (The Hard Way)

  Sometimes, I look back at myself as a kiddo and really wonder how I ended up rationalize things the way I did.  I think overall I was a decent boy, but wow did I make some poorly thought out choices!  The following lessons I learned seem like common sense in retrospect, but I guess my dumb younger self had to understand them hands (and feet) on.

  Obvious Lesson #1:  Don’t throw rocks at people’s faces if you want them to play with you.

  
  That’s about the real life size of that fateful rock.

  In first grade, I met up with two neighborhood friends to play.  However, when I met up with them they decided they wanted to play tag and I was automatically it.  I told them I didn’t want to play, but they weren’t listening and kept on avoiding me.  After a while I decided to sit down and pout, tossing rocks into a pond out of frustration and anger.

  They both eventually came back to see what was wrong.  All I wanted was for them to stop avoiding me, so what did I do?

  I chuck rocks at them, that’s what.  How I figured that would help the situation I’m not sure, but unfortunately for me one of the rocks hit one of them in the eye.  He proceeded to run home to tell his mom, staining the sidewalk with his eye oozes (ewww) as he went.  I totally ended up doing what any responsible boy would have done after this; I ran back home, into my room, locked the doors, and ignored every phone call and knocking that whole day.  Out of sight, out of mind!  That strategy worked until a couple of days later when his mom decided to sue my parents, but that’s a whole other story.  It did get resolved in the end, although I’m not quite sure of the details.

  Needless to say, my relationship with that friend and his mom were strained for years to come.  That relationship certainly didn’t get better after the next thing I did…

  Obvious Lesson #2:  Commanding your dog to grind up on someone is not going to make you new friends.

  
  I taught my dog some wonderful tricks!

  A year or so after that incident, I got this German Shepherd that was quite awesome.  I taught him many different commands such as sitting, laying down, and humping.  Wait, what?

  Yes, I apparently taught my dog how to hump on command.  Fascinating what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it!

  Eager to display this new trick, I decided to show it to a random neighborhood kid.  By “show”, I mean ambush him as he walked over to my other friend’s house one day.  By the way, that kid happened to be the same kid as the one I threw a rock at.  Whoops.  Anyway, he did not find being grinded on by a dog as big as he was amusing and stopped talking to me after this incident.  I really don’t blame him.

  I also don’t blame my grandmother for always bringing up to this day this last incident I’m going to describe below.

  Obvious Lesson #3:  Don’t EVER kick your grandma!

  
  I thought it was cool, but she sure didn’t…

  I took Taekwondo from age 7-10.  I eventually learned this move called a jumping side kick.  It became one of my favorite moves to do and I was eager to show my family this when I got home after being taught it.

  That I did…by performing it on my grandma.  While her back was turned.  Um, surprise!

  Fortunately she wasn’t seriously hurt, although she said she couldn’t move for a while after I kicked her.  After the guilt and MASSIVE punishment I received from my parents I never tried anything like that again. 

  I’m sure reading about my experiences has totally enlightened all of you.  You may thank my dumb young self later, but for now learn from his poor decisions.  Throwing rocks, siccing humping dogs, and doing flying kicks on unsuspecting people are all frown upon and should not be encouraged!

  
  Knowledge is power!

  • 4:06 pm
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