December 7, 2009
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That Chip On My Shoulder
The other day, I read a post by Kontzicles that I found myself really agreeing with apparently. She more or less gave this advice: “if you’re a man, don’t be obvious. If you’re a woman, be obvious. Don’t confuse the two.” Granted, it may not be the most fool-proof advice out there, but it really hit home for me right then. Before I could really think about it, I recommended it and wrote a simple comment proclaiming “HELL YEAH”. I was driving off to school right after I did all this when I thought to myself “Now, why in the world did I agree so enthusiastically to her advice?”
It all came to me over the next half hour. In essence, I suddenly remembered the three major times I’ve gone out on a limb for a girl (such as this one) this past year, only for me to fall down hard. Such a low batting average, huh? I felt like I had a good chance with every one of them, seeing as they gave me certain signals that used to clue me in the past. Instead, I got burned each time, making me become very disheartened. I still have my romantic heart (as someone mentioned), but it’s now locked away inside of me. It wants to come out and believe again, but I’ve learned to be very careful with it and to be skeptical and hesitant of whom to share it with. Frankly, I’ve just grown really tired of letting someone have a piece of my heart, only for it to be dismissed so easily. Because of that, I’ve grown…comfortable with how it is now, just me doing my own thing. It’s not ideally where I want to be, but it works for now.
You know what’s funny though? The solution to this problem of mine is quite simple. It probably will take only one person, one hell of a special girl, to totally change this all around. If I meet someone that I truly believe is worth it and is willing to go out on a limb for me, she will certainly have the keys to my heart. I hope that someone can be obvious enough so my current skeptical, reluctant self won’t miss her.
I wonder who it’ll turn out to be. Whoever you are, just know I’m right here.
Comments (113)
yeah i used to be obvious and it made me look desperate =P some girls apparently don’t dig that haha
you’ll find her! i know it :]
or she’ll find you ;]
I like the tone of this post
No matter what awful experiences you’ve had, you just have to believe that she’s out there, and she’s looking for you too.
wow, just go on eharmony already (can ya be any more obvious you’re looking for someone?)
we’re all like that Alex, hurt and withdrawn. Love is a two-way street, don’t expect the other person to chase you down and do most of the work to win your heart.
(Although maybe in your case, the other person should after all, because a Pisces’ heart is really something to chase after ;P)
aww this was sweet. if you stop looking the girl will come to you. that always happens when i give up trying to find a boyfriend. i’m still waiting for the right guy to come around though -__-
Dear Alex,
I’ll bet you will have no trouble finding this “hell of a special girl.” Good luck. Let’s hope she isn’t on the other road, however.
You don’t know me. I came over here because I “voted” for your “commercial” on the Xanga commerical contest that Nick (npr3246) is hosting and I thought I’d check out your blog. Really, this is a lie. I saw the commercial when you posted it, but you already had, like 50 comments on the post, so after watching the commercial, I just figured I’d pay you a visit when it came up for vote. (Like, now.) It really makes one want to read your blog, and that’s why I voted for it.
Congrats. I’ll have to come back and see if you’ve made any other videos.
Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool
You are so right. As cliche as this sounds.. it’s when you’re not looking, enjoying the life you have, that you will find that more then special girl.. AND she will notice you and like you for who you ARE .. not who you want her to know and like. A more genuine relationship can grow from that…
I think you are a wonderful person, who only deserves an equally deserving girl.
Don’t think less of yourself, others, or life…
aw I know it’ll work out for you! ^___^ you’re a cool person!
Oh how I can identify with this post. I’ve found that the more I go out on a limb for a girl, the less she wants me. So, I quit going out on limbs for girls. The girls still don’t want me, but I have saved time, money, and pride that way. So I guess it’s better.
I know how you feel. You think they couldn’t be any more obvious about their feelings, but when you talk to them about it, you get shut down. It hurts like heck.
That’s such a sweet post…
I am betting on she’ll find you instead
It isn’t fun to go out on a limb and have things not work out like you had hoped. You’ll get that special girl, you’re too cool of a person not to.
@sonychak - I can’t seem to make myself really like anyone now. That girl has to be really something.
@elelkewljay - Find her for me and make it easy haha
@CuaSo - Yep, even if it’s kinda foolish I like to believe so.
@nepenthium - Nah, I don’t expect the other person to do all the work, but maybe half of it? Or at least give me enough of a sign to make me take care of it all haha.
@B1ANCACACA - I HATE that phenomenon! urgh.
@baldmike2004 - Oh thank you sir! You’re always welcome around these parts. I’ve made videos in the past as well if you wish to see them. Just gotta warn you though; most of them are quite silly =P
@Kontzicles - It sucks because I find that cliche so true. It happens all the time! I wish I can make myself not want, but it wouldn’t be genuine…and thus won’t work -_-
@inaean - Haha thanks, I wish I had as much faith as you do in me
@Rob_of_the_Sky - It’s how we have to deal. Supposedly, with each rejection we should feel more immune, but I find that it sometimes lead to the opposite.
@Like_A_Tigah - That’s pretty much summarizes my frustrations. Blah.
@ImperialDoctrinesOfTheNewWorld - =)
@Wangium - I hope you win that bet
@TheRiverIsEverywhere - not fun at allll.
@jeannie_dot_com - oh you reminded me of something. If I forget, remind me to tell you about it later tonight.
@Roadlesstaken - just focus on what’s before you..
It’ll work
@Roadlesstaken - what kind of girl are you looking for? (might as well make a list since you already made this post)
girls cant be obviousssssssss noooooooo
I understand how you feel, but I bet you just waiting for the day when you can just give your whole heart without any reservation, don’t you?
……….. i’m confused. i thought guys were supposed to be obvious. i mean, how else are they supposed to get their girl?! “i’m the girl, you’re the guy. you text me first or we don’t talk for today!” but then again, i think the girl is supposed to do that too. if you want to talk to someone, talk to them! i guess i’m just obtrusive like that haha.
You’ll find one when you least expect it.
@Roadlesstaken - yes sir. we might have to talk on the phone though…
Awww..You’ll find that girl soon or she might even find you. And I’m pretty sure, you won’t miss her, cause even if you do, she’ll sit there and wait for you!:)
alex someone WONDERFUL will come along for you
if not, you want to get married to me if we’re not both hitched by the time we hit 40? lollll
awww, my heart aches to read this, but i want to tell you something..try not to lose heart (but you have every right to be disenchanted and feel the way you do right now) b/c you’re the kind of young man a girl hold’s out for. i think sometimes it just comes down to timing. it just wasn’t the right time and you just probably haven’t met the right girl who appreciates you enough yet, like you said. . all the heartaches you have gone through have made you into the man you are today. you just continue being the kind of man that the right girl will value, and in time i believe you’ll know.
i can honestly say now wholeheartedly, that all these things do work together for our good. all the disappointments i went through with men made me appreciate the one i had so much more forexactly who he was. God bless you.
HUGS
and you are right!
It only takes one person to change it around.
and the same goes the other way. I remember being so closed off. I in fact just hated men…and nothing anyone said changed it. I even thought at one point, I was doomed to only be with men who were lying arrogant selfish bastards and just closed myself off to everyone.
but it does take a special person, and it also means to take a chance too, because you’ll never know when you’ll have a change of heart.
awwww
Good point. When guys are aggressive or flirty, they can come off as creepy or horny. But if a girl shows interest, it’s just flattering because girls are usually more selective. That’s what I’ve seen in my experience, anyway.
Aw man, I thought you found her (in California).Oh yeah, the guys in my class were like,”Is he Korean,” after watching the video, and then when I told them you weren’t, they got all sad. They all said, “Ooooh,” at the same time.
your girl is waiting for you dont worry
she will pop out when you least expect it ~~
I think a lot of people will find your honesty very refreshing. You’re very open with your feelings and emotions but you’re also confident too (well, that’s the impression I get when I read your blog). I think your brother is also enjoying your single life (more time with him). I have a feeling that the next girl will make a move on you rather than the other way around. She knows she has to move fast.
can i do a HELLZ YEAH to this post? lol
i hope everything will fall into place for you!
yes darling we hear u, u’re always here!
The thing is, I don’t know if I agree with the advice. It seems to me that it is important for all people to be “obvious” about what their interests are. I understand the concern about obviousness being mistaken for desperation, but I think there is a fine line. Failing to appear obvious is tantamount to sending mixed signals or no signals at all.
@Kontzicles - That’s what I’m doing (I think), so it’s been a good distraction. Just every once in a while something will bring me back to these thoughts, like your post XP
@nepenthium - Perhaps. What type of girl do you think I go for?
@BigSarah - oh yesss they cannnn
@Trigger821 - Oh yes. I’ve did it before, but not anytime lately. Very discouraging.
@snapeful - Yeah, that’s generally how it traditionally goes, but times be changing.
@Got_Takoyaki - Always has to happen that way. Urgh, I just want to know.
@jeannie_dot_com - how come? Actually, I don’t think I have your number.
@SamyuktaR - Think she’ll be patient enough to do that for me?
Aww. I’m in the same boat, haha. Just on the boundary for now, but there’s someone out there who will probably turn that around
@mi1kandcerea1 - …how much money you got? =D
@YouTOme - aww, your comment was amazing. I’ll try not to lose heart. For now, I’ll just keep it protected.
@escaping_logic - I’m willing to take the chance again if that girl is definitely into me. I’m sooo tired of the mixed signal games.
@noree_n - bllaahhhh
@Meowmeowkimmaee - I can see where you’re coming from with that. Apparently I’m seen at flirting a lot of times when really I’m just being nice.
@mycontinuity - She was one of those disappointments =( . Haha, why did they get sad that I wasn’t Korean???
@ordinary_gir1 - If you see her, tell her to hurry her butt up!
@ElusiveWords - Ah, I hope you’re right, I really do.
@enigmatic_refuge - hehe, go for it. As an optimist, I think it will eventually fall into place. Just this period in between is sucking.
@tollyyjoy - Perhaps I’ve made myself too available. I should disappear for a little bit…good idea?
@christao408 - I know what you mean. Ahh, I so hate mixed signals. It’s been screwing around with me this past year.
@Lynn1013 - Awesome, good to have someone else in this boat with me to keep me company =)
according to my personal experiences with pisceans and my observations of their relationship behavior, I would say a sweet, feminine girl but one with a strong personality (to balance out pisces’ flakiness ;p)
I don’t know if that’s the ideal girl, but it seems to be what I see pisces (males) go for.
@nepenthium - Hey, I’m not flaky! Sadly, I do get flaked on often -_- . I wouldn’t mind a girl like that. I also like her to be a little sassy and can deal sarcasm when she can.
Aww I bet you’re such a sweetie! ::HUGS:
I realized 2-3 years ago guys are afraid of rejection. And so the girl’s gotta take some initiative.
No problem
. Thanks
@sandysan - Yup, rejection stinks for everyone. I understand I won’t be accepted all the time, but man have I’ve been striking out lately. Ahhh
@Roadlesstaken -
unflaky fish swim where pigs fly.
that’s okay. we love you anyway ;] –most of the time.
@nepenthium - I must know a lot of flying pigs then!
@Roadlesstaken -
oh, P.S – I would suggest dating by astrological sign compatibility if you’re really looking for something that lasts.
haha aww. congrats on your revelation. this blog just made me laugh XD. i’ve been thinking bout this sort of thing too. o_o. i mean if the person doesn’t have enough interest in you to start a conversation…should you take it into your own hands and push your way(into making your interest in them obvious) o-o into a conversation/get-to-know-them sort of thing? or do you leave things as is, and wait for a person who has as much interest in you as you have in them so that both of you can equally o-o push and pull? lol?…o_o what did i just say…iono hm nevermind haha i just succeeded in confusing myself. @_@ good job for me. anyway XD glad you finally got that chip off your shoulder.
@Roadlesstaken - All the little boys really liked you, that’s why they got sad. The girls were in love with Marissa. They kept saying, “So pretty!” in Korean.
you’ll find herr!! (especially if grandma offers food! hahahaha)
@Roadlesstaken - uh, absence makes e heart fonder! try it! hold a poll or something! see how many ‘i miss u’ u’d receive after 3 days maybe?
That is really interesting advice and it’s almost so obvious it’s not easy to see.
When girls are straight forward guys find that very attractive because it’s not the norm. And when guys are elusive, giving a chase, girl’s are intrigued because it’s not the norm.
. I’ll have to read the one that inspired you to write this.
It’s funny how the dating world works, yet when relationship’s begin the fun and entrancement dissipates to unveil the “real” person.
Not all case’s, but I think it’s becoming more and more rare to find a good person to be with for, honestly, at least several years or even life.
But don’t give up, cause I’m a romantic myself, with a lot of heart ache on the path behind me, but if you give up then what’s the point of living?
Kind of a rambling, but good post
She’s out there somewhere…
@mycontinuity - So they were sad I wasn’t Korean? haha…nice. That’s cool the girls thought Marissa was pretty. I was curious on how they would see her, especially since she was the only non-Asian person in the video.
Btw, what’s the status on uploading that video somewhere public? I wanna show it to the other folks!
@Asianrockgurl - Actually, that chip is still there =/ . It will probably only take one person to get it off though.
My best advice (and this advice worked for me), is to not look for someone. That person will find you, and you will click on a mutual level. It will be fireworks and butterflies.
@jesuismir - Ah, of course! I should have thought of that!
@akaBug - I think it will take a lot more to totally give up on it. I’ve just been very discourage as of late, which makes me hesitant to go after things I normally would.
@RestlessButterfly - If you see her, point her in the right direction, okay?
@haloed - Yeah, I think in the back of my head I know that. If only I could trick myself into doing it! I tell myself I won’t, but I subconsciously still look.
@Roadlesstaken - I did that for the longest time, but I was disappointed. It was advice from my mother that I finally took, and now I’m with my boyfriend and have been for 2 years! My friend Jimmy hasn’t taken that advice yet and has seen nothing but disappointment.
I must admit, we girls are stupid. As one who does somewhat get freaked when a guy wears his heart on his sleeve, I nevertheless find your gestures quite romantic and touching. I guess it’s how you said. To the right person, everything you do will seem perfect, and you won’t have to wonder about whether or not to show her your heart.
=)
@haloed - Hmm, nothing but disappointment eh? I definitely don’t want any of that!
@nimbusthedragon - I’m sorta guessed that might have been what happened with that one girl. It’s a hard balance at times, to say the least.
@Roadlesstaken - Oh… she asked for direction to your home just now. If she’s not lost direction of whatsoever, she will be with you shortly.
@Rob_of_the_Sky - girls don’t want to hurt their hand just by holding you “hand”
@Roadlesstaken - I understand.
Women (and men) are fickle things. Keep your head high and just remember for every rejection that’s one less woman you have to go through till you meet “the one” or whatever.
You will meet her. I have no doubt!
Aww. This is a really sweet entry, relatable too. I guess the best way to deal with love is to go with the flow, wait a while, don’t rush and it’ll come to you
-_-
Alex, the one is like a box of chocolates, you’ll never know what you’ll get! Unless you have one of those guide thingies.. but try not to look at those!
Good post. I’m not sure if either side should be too obvious. One of my friends recently pursued a really shy guy, and it got to the point where the guy seemed to feel as if she was pushing herself too hard. Being too obvious for a girl can be mistaken as desperate and needy I suppose. However, once in a relationship, most girls do need to be more obvious in what they want from the guy. Good luck with everything you want!
@LilyTheBunny - How did you know that is what my face looks like when I think about this stuff? haha
@akaBug - I’ll try to remember that
@TheCheshireGrins - If you meet her first, point her in the right direction for me!
@feathereyecandy - Sounds good. Let see if I can set that plan in motion.
@theRyeCatcher - But the guides would make it soooo much more convenient!
@ChChChau_xo - Yeah, it really depends here and there. At least for me, the girl being obvious is not a problem at all!
You truly are a romanticcc
Twas so cute!
“It probably will take only one person, one hell of a special girl, to totally change this all around.”
Yes, it does take one person[: I’m sure the person is out there somewhere. You’re probably just someone who is not meant to look and have a person come naturally to you. As a matter of fact, I was so set in being single for the rest of my life that when my boyfriend came in to the picture, it changed everything. I know one day someone will fall you like all these Xanga ladies did [;
remember, she’s looking for you too! you guys just haven’t bumped into each other yet!!
@Roadlesstaken - You know I will
@ItsThatObviouz - I’m starting to feel set on being single. Perhaps the same fortunes will come for me?
@PiscesPhishie - We need to bump soon! Hmm, that didn’t sound quite right.
yay
You do deserve a special girl :]
(it’s been a while since I’ve been on your site! I’m glad you’re getting smarter and smarter by the day!)
@joycemiles - Yes, it’s been a while you been on Xanga in general! That will not do!
Too bad you don’t play for my team. It might be easier. Girls have cooties!
@CareyGLY - haha it wasn’t meant to be.
on that “who should be obvious thing”, personally, i think both parties should have a certain amount of obviousness.hehe! as it is hard to read girls for you Xy’s, it’s also kinda confusing at times for us Xx’s if what you want is just friendship or if there’s a possibility of something more…
@on_call247 - I agree, I wish we didn’t have to go through all the games we play at times.
awww you’re such a sweet and great guy. any girl would be lucky to have you! at 18, young and naive, I gave my heart out to my first boyfriend and totally got crushed. i’m single now and although dating isn’t my first priority, it would be nice to have someone to love, or at least, like… but everyone tells me these things take time and i suppose it’s true. whoever that guy is out there… i’m waiting for him! haha
@xkthily - Didn’t you recently went for somebody?
You know, that advice is fantastic. And SO true. But sometimes I can’t help but think… if the girl is obvious, what if the GUY doesn’t dig it? I guess it can go both ways…
@Roadlesstaken - I didn’t really “go” for him.. haha I just said hi.. we had a short little conversation and that was it. I didn’t hint I’m interested or anything, =/
@bamzilicious26 - I know for me, if a girl really puts herself out there and I don’t really dig her I’m still gonna give her ton of credit for doing so. Those type of girls are rare.
You are already awesome. It won’t take a lot for a girl to not see that
@sageng - If that’s true, the girls I’ve gone for sure aren’t seeing it =(
@Roadlesstaken - It’s unfortunate if aren’t and if they don’t see it, really. I’m surprised that that’s how things are with you. The fact that amidst all the rejections or disheartening things you hear, you say that you still have that romantic heart must mean something.
Brush your shoulder off, you’ll find something better. I’m glad you had the courage to do something like that. Lot of guys are lot of talk, but few will ever take the steps to do anything about it
I wish finding someone was cut out simply black and white, but it is not. You just have to play the game, and hope for the best, and let fate take it’s course.
@ThePeterPanComplex - I’ll sure try. Sometimes I wish these types of things weren’t games. It sure would take the drama out of it (not sure if that’s a good or bad thing).
“you know you got the keys to my heart.” A line in your weblog reminded me of that line “back at one” by Brian McKnight.
I hope you find that special someone someday! She’ll be lucky to have someone like you. ^_^
@CatherineMarshmallow - Oh yeah? That line reminded me of Craig David’s Keys to my Heart haha. Check it out sometime.
I hate being obvious with guys. It feels so sleezy.
@XMechanicalxRainX - You’ll be surprise how many guys would think otherwise.
I hope you find her soon!
@JL789 - If you see her first, tell her I’ve been waiting too long for her! =P
Your dream girl could just be at the next turn at right side of the road.
@Roadlesstaken - Yeah but I feel I don’t do it right. Lol, I’m a newbie when it comes to this sort of thing as I usually just have the guys come onto me.
/puts on wig
tough stuff. who knows what’s going to happen later in this season — season of “warmth” from certain people.
@CaKaLusa - haha, I’m no that desperate just yet.
@XMechanicalxRainX - Exactly, when a girl feels comfortable enough to go after a guy rather than the other way around it’s a turn on for all the guys I’ve talked to.
@Wild_and_Wicked - I better drive up there quicker!
@falconfraudless - Perhaps, but if things continue as they are now I’m not gonna have too high of expectations.
@Roadlesstaken - That makes sense, but sometimes people just aren’t aggressive in the pursuit. I don’t think I ever will be, which is sad because sometimes guys are very oblivious.
i like to think that i’m like that too. i find it rather hard for me to trust people…especially guys because i think what they’re telling me is the exact same thing they’re telling to other girls. and i think that’s why i’m easily bummed out about the truth. i honestly think that under certain situations, people are really good with their words to fool people like you and me…and many others.
p.s. you sound kind of cheesy……
“It probably will take only one person, one hell of a special girl, to
totally change this all around. If I meet someone that I truly believe
is worth it and is willing to go out on a limb for me, she will
certainly have the keys to my heart.” but that is, of course, the honest truth.
anyhow, it’s good to know that you’ll be here…on xanga. tee-hee!!
@chouatwinkie - A little cheese never hurt nobody! =P Haha yeah, totally didn’t meant it. That part kind of just flowed off my fingertips.
I’m generally afraid to show too much and then be rejected -_-. I’ve been working hard on my restraint, but maybe not?
But that sounds kinda true, the guys who have tried to be obvious about liking me often have been ones that I was not even a bit interested in, but I think that’s coincidence–I wouldn’t haven liked them whether or not they tried..O_o.
She might just be reading your post now and going “awwww”.
@phosphor_stars - Perhaps. Ahhhh those funny games we play.
geez, i thought that only happened to girls. I know i am always way to obvious when I like someone but usually I never outright tell them because the first time i did, i was MAJORLY shot down and that is just a confidence killer. I should clarify that I am obvious even though I don’t intentionally try to be obvious – i just am not good at hiding stuff like that lol
Now I’m only comfortable sharing my true feelings if I’m almost 100 percent sure the other person feels the same way. Lame, I know.
@Fireflywishes - Not lame at all, just trying to protect your heart
Haha, you know, I really wish I could disagree with the obvious/subtle thing. A fortune cookie once told me, “That special someone may simply be waiting for you.” (Not so great for me, but wonderful news for you!) So I suppose you could be on the receiving end of one of those mass produced fortunes =). She’ll find you!
@xxthatsmexx - I sure hope so =)
i hope she finds you =]