November 19, 2009
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An Irrational Worry
I think we all occasionally think about things that could potentially turn our world upside down. Perhaps it’s the idea of becoming permanently blind or disabled, being a victim of a horrible crime, or maybe being stricken with a life-threatening disease. While those scenarios have crossed my mind, there is actually something else that causes a constant dread in me that I can’t quite shake off.
About a year and a half ago, I was on vacation with my family. My little brother and I had a hotel room to ourselves, so I basically had to babysit him throughout the entire time. It was very annoying since I couldn’t go anywhere without him tagging along with me. (Did I mention our vacation was in Las Vegas? Here’s a tip: don’t go to Las Vegas with your family if you want to have the best experience there.)
One day, we were returning back to our room after swimming in the hotel’s pool for most of the afternoon. My little brother was very insistent on taking a shower first, so I grudgingly oblige. As I’m waiting for him to finish up, I suddenly hear a thud sound, followed by my brother yelling in pain. I hustled over to the bathroom door and asked if he was alright, to which I hear no answer. I started to panic, thinking that something really awful just happened, and I began yelling at him to open up the door.
After what seemed like a long time, he finally opens up holding a small cloth over his forehead. He was crying and looked like he was in a lot of pain, so I asked him what in the world just took place. Apparently, he had slipped and hit his head on the shower knob. When I took the cloth off his forehead to examine the damage, I saw a button-size wound that was bleeding pretty badly. Luckily, it ended up being mostly a surface cut (although a rather big one), so after I cleaned it up and put on a band-aid he was okay.
As I look back on this memory, there is one specific part that plays back to me very vividly. As I assessed his wound to see how serious it was, he looked up at me with the sadest eyes and groaned “Gor Gor…” (“big brother” in Cantonese) in the most woeful, agonizing way possible. I don’t know why exactly, but hearing that dispair coming out of him tore me up right then and made me think of the worse. Thankfully, it wasn’t the case that night, but what if things had played out differently?
Ever since then, I find myself consistently worrying that something awful will happen to my little brother, be it illness, a crime, or an accident, and I would be helpless to do anything for him. I know I shouldn’t be stressing myself about this too much since it’s really out of my control, but I can’t push that thought out of the back of my head. I am just afraid that one day, he will look at me with those same sad eyes from that night, call for my help, and all I can do is watch in horror as my little brother fades away.
Hopefully, that scenario will never become a reality.
Comments (124)
Awww..yeah hopefully that never happens. There’s nothing you can really do, but cross your fingers!
Perhaps a bit of concern is a good thing. Still, I tend to be very paranoid about myself and very protective over my best friend (who is a somewhat naive girl, haha).
Anyway, nice post!
You’re such a good brother! I’ve never really worried about anything happening to my brother and sisters. Maybe because I’m not much older than them, so I never felt like I had to protect them.
I worry about my son constantly though. When he was a baby, I was always checking to make sure he was still breathing while he slept.
awww… this made me think of my little brother too.
your brother must be lucky to have such an awesome brother like you!
Good thing it didn’t need stitches! You should tell your brother to stop running around in the shower.
awww <3
i’m glad he has a caring big brother like you, even if it was a scary event.
awwww
good thing a band-aid was all it took. but we all have those worries, whether it was about a sibling, a parent, a relative, or friend.
I wanted to say ‘awwwww’, but everyone else already did.
Your just looking out for him =) What a great role model =D
I got all teary eyed! I worry about my parents too since both are way older than most parents; I also worry about my little brother because he partakes in risky, life-threatening behaviors such as driving 100mph in his Integra, driving a motorcycle at night without a license, drinking until he blacks out. You can always call me ya know
awwwww yea, it’s tough feeling helpless like that when someone you love is in trouble =/. I feel similarly about my brother. He’s the only person in the world I could definitively say I’d die for.
Damn, you’re such a good brother!
that’s very sweet of you as a brother. i feel the same except i’m probably in your brother’s shoes since i have a sister 10 years older. whenever she’s in trouble or upset about something, I feel powerless and never know what to do, or there’s the plain fact i CAN’T do anything because i’m too young or something.
oh and what a coincidence, when i went to vegas with the family my sister was stuck babysitting me when my parents went off to gamble.i told her she can go and i’d stay in the hotel room but she didn’t want to leave me alone and she’d be in huge trouble anyhow if our parents caught us.
I have the same fears and worries. ):
Uh, Don’t have kids! You will be a nervous wreck!! ha ha JK
You are very sweet to care so much and be concerned about your brother. Good Job!!
what a good big brother you are :]
your one crazy big bro.
He’s lucky to have a brother like you!
Good story, I had something sorta similar happen w/ my little sister when we were younger. And I often feel similarly about my husband now, though I’ve gotten better about it lately.
That is one very terrifying scenario, and I’m glad that your brother turned out to be fine. I often have these things running through my mind too. I try not to because these things are well out of our control, and freaking ourselves out about it before they actually happen (if they ever happen) doesn’t do us any good. But it’s not exactly easy to shut your mind off once something is planted there.
oh my my, you’re such a brother!
that is a very pisces characteristic, to kill yourself in worrying about your love one(s). You are amazing <3
I wish I had a big brother. Instead of my little one.
awww so cute.
by little brother hasnt called me “jia” since he was like 2 >.>
i wish i have you as my big brother
my children will be blessed to have a father like you. :p
its scary, isnt it? to have a younger sibling to look after. I mean yeah theyre annoying but when something bad happens the world seriously does do a 180 turn on you and your perspective on life changes just like that. i worry about jack all the time. but there really isnt anything we can do. we can only roll with the punches.
Terrifying
You know, you’ll worry when he starts dating too..
i’d be nothing without my older siblings. woot for siblings
omg… you’re such a great brother. I wish you were my brother <3
Awww, you’re a nice big brother. Yeah, it is scary to think of bad things happening to people we care about.
aw i feel you!
i have 2 younger siblings and im always worrying about them
youre such a good brother!
it’s times like those that really remind you of your position and responsibility of a big brother.
Aww I know what you mean. I would’ve started crying like a baby if that happened to my little sister D:
I never had a older brother and I wasn’t a great older brother. When I read about how you take care of your brother, I just think of how fortunate he is. I also think you’re gonna be a very good father some day.
I don’t know what you can do to ease your worry. I think it’s in their job description to get into trouble. But he’ll eventually learn to become stronger, more independent & hone his sense of judgment. He’s got a good role model.
@SamyuktaR - *knock on wood*
@Axis_of_Doom - yeah, I definitely got that protective, big brother syndrome going on XP
@KimisBarbie - My brother’s 9 years younger than me, so that might be part of the reason why I feel that way
@RaquelHiggins005 - I think I subconsciously do that too
@MomoLikesChoco - =)
@wherethefishlives - Haha. Well to his credit I did check the showers later and it was unusually slippery
Sounds like a horrible bad dream. I hope I don’t worry my older brother and sister with these things. All you can do is try to teach him what he doesn’t know and help him when he’s helpless.
@elelkewljay - I’m sure you would have done the same in a similar situation
@snapeful - yeah, thank goodness that was it. I was worried at first because it was a lot of blood.
@repressedwriter - haha, thanks
@aliceandrandy - I try
@strawberries_and_honey - I hope I don’t have to worry about my brother doing that stuff anytime soon!
@wonderland7386 - That’s very good of you
. I think I would say the same.
@mycontinuity -
I try to be!
@jhesyka - haha, interesting. Hmm, I wonder how my brother feels about this event now.
@JessxMaxine - sucks eh? =/
@P1AutismMom@autisable - Oh man, I don’t even wanna think about that yet haha
@cluelessazn13 - aw, thanks
@LilyTheBunny - is that a good thing or bad?
@JL789 - Thanks for saying that =) . I try to be.
@webofsimplicity - I think once I have children that worry will get worse 0_0
@CuaSo - exactly. I think the fact I don’t have much control in this makes me think about it more
@nepenthium - haha, you sure know a lot of pisces’ behavior. Did you do a study on it?
@xchinkylaydee - is your little one a good one though?
@ordinary_gir1 - I think he will call me gor gor and I will call him bebe for a while =P
@maniacsicko - haha really? That’s very kind of you to say.
@jeannie_dot_com - exactly. As annoying as he can be, I appreciate it
@secade - mhmmm
@silverlocket_88 - haha, I don’t think I’ll worry as much about that. Now, if he was a girl…
@xxLilPauliexx - good comment
. P.S. Xanga zombie soon?
@Got_Takoyaki - aw, that’s very sweet of you to say
@just_the_average_jane - it is. Such a helpless feeling
@mi1kandcerea1 - Oh boy, if I had two younger siblings…man.
Totally understand. I have thought of how I would feel if I lost my parents/family. It’s a devastating thought.
@eomona - thanks =)
@ElusiveWords - I don’t mind if he gets in trouble here and there. Just not too much trouble you know?
@i_Nutrition - I hear you on that
@B1ANCACACA - Yeah? I didn’t cry, but I was indeed very very worried
@Meowmeowkimmaee - True, I’ll keep on at it
@bamzilicious26 - it is. I think I’m more scared for my brother because he’s the youngest of us all.
@Roadlesstaken - damn i am jealous.
no one calls me Jia.. because in their eyes im like a child ; ___ ; !!
awwh!…he’s lucky to have an older brother like you
haha i dont remember the last time I called my big bro Gaw-Gaw. That part was so sweet.
aww your poor brother… but so glad he was okay!… and, yeah, i’m the exact same way… well, maybe even more so, cause i tend to drive the people around me crazy with that sometimes
Your little brother is one lucky guy.
@CatherineMarshmallow - what do you call him? Just his name?
@Peridot21 - What, with worries?
@neekersha - Haha, maybe. Perhaps I’m the lucky one.
@Roadlesstaken - yep… i forget which movie it’s from (Father of the Bride maybe? idk) …but there’s a line something like “some people collect stamps, i worry. it’s what i do” …that’s me lol
@Roadlesstaken - i’m still studying (;
You made me all teary!
@Roadlesstaken - my sister’s 9 years older than me! She never felt that way though. She was always mad at me for taking away her mommy. haha
Nice post. To me family means a lot, and it is moments like these that remind us how important it is to not take things or people for granted. I have a love/hate for traveling w/ family, but it’s important for me to do it at least once/year since I don’t see them as much anymore.
@Roadlesstaken - ehh. he gets annoying really easily to me because he’s only 12. -.-
Im the say way with my sister despite the fact that she is 24 now.
Awwwwwwwwwwwwww (((((:
, but I guess that’s a big part of being human! 
That’s so sweet of you n_n.
Yeah, every time my friends or family get on planes, I get really anxious, though honestly flight accidents are pretty rare. And I always have to have them call me or something when landing. It’s hard not to be paranoid about loved ones
Aw, makes me want to go and hug my big sister. Haha.
You’re so sweet to him =). It’s not really irrational to worry, but there’s a line between being worried and paranoid. Don’t worry, you’re probably still in the safe zone ;D. I’m sure you already treasure him, and I think that’s all you can really do in life.
*hugs*
How sweet. Your writing touched me right here *pats my heart*
Nice style.
@Roadlesstaken - yes, i call my older brother by his first name now. i havent called him gaw gaw since i was like 7 i think. i miss those days
if it does happen, just know that you can handle it
sometimes it wish i was more of a big brother myself..i always worry even thinking about how my brother is right now
I worry about what it’ll be like if my dad slipped and hurt himself and nobody was there to help or something. He has a bad leg that is sort of a handicapp ):
with a big brother like you….i’m sure he has nothing to worry about.
my little sister calls me jieliz, and i call her mei mei…i would very probably die if something happened to her.
@maniacsicko - it’s okay…my services as big brother are for hire….
that’s very brotherly of you. he probably tells bullies that you can take them.
@karen0z - Ah, my bad!
@lil_squirrel4ever - Yeah, I don’t mind the occasional family trip. I would much rather be on a trip with friends though
@Agent_Eric - I’ll probably be like that too. Shoot, I’ll probably still call him a baby when he’s that age haha
@phosphor_stars - I used to be afraid of flying, but now I’m just w/e. If the plane crashes, than I suppose that’s just it for me.
@xxthatsmexx - Haha you know, whenever my little brother tries to hug me I just playfully beat him up. That’s my way of showing him love =P
@randaness - appreciate it =)
@Pearls_of_Trust - Thanks man. P.S. For some reason, your updates don’t pop up in my inbox. Weird…
@phantomFive - I really hope so
@TheKiwiIntoxication - I’ll be that way too =/
@shatterFocus - Really? That’s very cute. Are you gonna really start calling me bunny?
@TheBigShowAtUD - To be honest…I think he sometimes does the bullying haha
ha, it’s only because he thinks you back him up… unless you really do. o.O i see what’s going on, here.
You two are lucky to have each other.
Accident happens. That why we always hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
@TheBigShowAtUD - I like to (playfully) beat him up. I tell him that way if others mess with him he’ll be immune to the pain since he’s used to taking hits haha. I think it has actually worked out for him!
@RestlessButterfly - That’s pretty much my motto
Shipmate,
How can anything happen to the little bro? You will always be there for him. Have you not already proved this? Worry not my good fellow!
Sail on… sail on!!!
@Roadlesstaken - you bet your life i’ll call you bunny, bunny.
Of course, how could you not?
@shatterFocus - Just promise me this; if I ever show up to your house and your parent’s asks “who is it?”, don’t say “it’s just Chinese” (I’m sure you know where that’s from)
@dreadpirate - Haha thanks. Your comment made me smile.
awww alex!!!! you’re a great big brother!!
@Roadlesstaken - you know i would…..i totally would. then i’d shut the door in your face. hahahaha sike.
@pasaway4eva - Haha, I’m just concerned
@shatterFocus - Would you have made me brownies?
@Roadlesstaken - well that’s pushing it…maybe cookies, but not brownies. haha
Aww you are such a good big brother. I think at some point everyone has that moment when they realize that they can’t always protect the ones they love. It sort of changes your outlook on life a bit but it also makes you appreciate the ones you love even more.
Awww
This is how I feel too! I have a little 4 year old brother and a 9 year old sister sometimes they make you so mad but once they get hurt you get so worried and wish it was you that was hurt instead.
@shatterFocus - your service as big brother are for hire? seriously? don’t give me false hope now…. you know a caveman heart is fragile right…
dang, it’s really cool how much you care about your brother
I always wish I grew up with some older brother cuz things get pretty bad in my house..all the time
I’m the oldest of three and I think that being the oldest, we’re kind of charged with a lot of responsibility over our younger siblings from a very young age. I’m very, very protective of both of my sisters and can’t imagine the world without either of them. It scares me to even think of that prospect.
It is really painful to feel that sense of powerlessness, unable to help someone we love when they are hurting.
I am glad your brother is okay. Things like that is so scary, we dont want our loved ones to get hurt. I remember my brother calling me to tell me to not worry because he was in a car accident. Being on the phone and not being able to see his condition is agonizing. I cried after he hung up. He was definitely trying to not allow us to worry..in the end me and my mom saw him at the hospital all wrapped up. Thank God he is ok. My heart jumped~!
Do not fear so much..it will only consume you. It is normal to worry…your brother is like your son almost. =)
xanga zombie?? not for a while =/ that was the coolest experience ever! first time for that. i felt apprehensive to say anything, but definitely next time it’ll be more fun
@shatterFocus - would you be brave enough to do this? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PspSoniXU-4
@tsh44 - Man, can’t imagine how I’ll be when I have kids then X_X
@OrigamiRose - =)
@DoriQ - Exactly. It’s sorta like how I’d feel if I knew my brother was being picked on. Only I can pick on my little brother!!
@Dylan_Disast3r - I wonder how different I would have turned out if I had an older brother as well
@TheCheshireGrins - it’s comes with our job description, doesn’t it? =P
@christao408 - yeah…I don’t like this powerless feeling at all
@retarded_beautiful - I do see my little brother like that often. It’s kinda weird but not at the same time.
@xxLilPauliexx - I was apprehensive at first too, but don’t worry no one will bite (hopefully)
@maniacsicko - oh, seriously. but the price is pretty steep…..
@Roadlesstaken - psh yeAH!!!!!! you obvsiouly don’t know me……i’m so up for it
This is the most adorable blog ever :]
Very scary. Unfortunately it seems to be the bad happenings in life that wake us up in some way. :-/
@shatterFocus - I’m expecting that now when we meet up then. Now that would be a greeting! Then again, you do lie a lot…
@indiechaos - haha why you say that?
@Lynn1013 - funny how that works huh?
@Roadlesstaken - It’s just really cute how much you care about your brother and just well people. It’s really sweet.
I understand how it feels to be overly worried about a younger sibling. Sometimes I feel like a mother and my brother is my kid. Its hard to be helpless to help someone you love. The best we can do is to do everything within our options to help/comfort them.
@Roadlesstaken - haha, what I write in my entries are too depressing anyways. @_@
@Roadlesstaken - You’ll be a fine dad. The best dads always appreciate the true gift that children are and even with your brother you seem to do that well.
Aww that was really sweet – my favorite part was when he looks at you with the sad eyes. I understand how you feel about your brother because that’s how I feel about my little sister too. I think the only thing we can do is make great memories with them and make sure they know how much we love them. Happy Thanksgiving
; I guess he’s one thing you are sure to be thankful for!
Aw, you’re such a protective older brother. Something about sibling-love makes me happy.
Oh gosh, Vegas with family. Not the most fun experience! How can people sin with their parents over their shoulder?! Haha. Awk-weird?
@shatterFocus - really? then why should i spend on that rather than propose for marriage or something?
@maniacsicko - because marriage is one of those things that just doesn’t happen, for me. lol
how old is your little brother?
he’s lucky to have you as a big brother. my brother is only a year older, but definitely never cared for me like that. i don’t even think we’re “friends”. weird relationship…
@litt0_h0nii - I feel like a dad at times too with my brother. Of course, there are times when I treat him like a sibling i.e. when I playfully beat him up haha
@LADYLILYTHAO - haha, I suppose you’re quite right!
@sincerely_winnie - I know right? I need friends with me next time so I can sin freely!
@CandyMuncher - he is 14 now, 9 years younger than me. What happen to make you and your brother grow apart?
:[ since i'm the youngest it's different for me. but i [kind of] understand how it feels when you see your loved ones get hurt. it just pains me to see it. and it hurts me even more knowing that there’s nothing I can say or do that can make them feel better sometimes.
@shatterFocus - really? perhaps that’s because you have never met me, i suppose… but i’d still take you as my big bro too, but thay would really inflict so,e inferior complex in me… i don’t think i can stand having such an attractive big bro that everyone’s daydreaming about… i’d be totally invisible then… it’s a nightmare even thinking about it… XD
Your little brother is very lucky to have a big brother like you to look up to.
@UnopenedSuitcases - Ah I see. Are you very close to your older siblings in the way I am with my bro?
@wyrdkismet - aw, thanks for saying that. I try my best to do good for him.
hopefully not, but it’s sweet that you care so much about him =]
@MariaBoscardin - =)
@Roadlesstaken - haha nah… things aren’t like that for me… it’s different.
quite rational, id say… me, my deepest worry is to die a pointless death, without leaving a legacy behind…
@tribong_upos - That’s another concern I have too. I hope when I pass people will still remember me for a while.
my culture has the tradition of remembering loved one’s and visiting them every year… so id be remembered hehehe… but i want to at least make an impact in my community… especially with my troubled country…
aw…you sound like a good big brother
@Wangium -
thanks
precious!
@black_ice17 -
a severe but survivable stroke would be the worst, I saw that happen to my paternal grandmother who lived that way for an entire year, I’m sure I’d rather just die. They have exams for that where I live tho, I think I’m going to get one. thanks for the reminder
@And_I_love - That’s something else I’m fearful of =/
i think of this sometimes too. *sigh*
little siblings…sometimes they just don’t know the things they put us through.
@PiscesPhishie - well, that’s why we’re there to show them!
im an only child and i hate it…=/ i wish i had siblings but o well its something that i cannot change.
yay for you being an awesome brother. your brother is so lucky.
@rxglasshalffull - Thanks
. Having siblings sure does have it’s perks and negatives, but overall I’m very happy he’s around.