July 8, 2009
-
I Feel Like Such An (Oxy)Moron
The facts were these (brownie points to anyone who knows that phrase reference!): I enjoy being around people and interacting with them. That’s probably part of the reason why I chose psychology as my major and why I got so involved with school organizations. Just meeting new people to laugh, listen and talk with in social settings is a very pleasant and rewarding thing for me to do. Perhaps these traits of mine are reasons why people have described me as a very friendly, outgoing, and sociable guy.
However, there are times when I feel very conflicted about this and wonder what’s wrong with me. You would think that with this type of personality I would be more into overtly extroverted activities like:
Yet time and time again I find I rather do more low-key activities with people, such as:
There’s probably a lot of factors for why this is the case (I’m sure being allergic to alcohol doesn’t help), but I often feel baffled about why I am this way. I’ve gone to parties and clubs before, but I just never digged them as much as I felt I should be. Trust me, I wish I could be like some of my peers who love going out all the time, but try as I may I just can’t make that stuff my scene. Every once in a while it’s okay, but in general I much rather just do some chillaxing activities.
So yeah, now you have an idea of the types of activities I prefer to do if we ever hung out. I’ve pretty much accepted this is just how I am, but I would be lying if I told you I don’t ever feel self-conscious about it.
Comments (100)
That’s because you prefer genuine relationships with people as opposed to the superficial ones that bars and clubs offer.
Don’t feel bad about it. I’m the same way. It’s more personal when you hang out with people in a more relaxed setting.
I enjoy going out occasionally but I’d much rather do the second set of activities more often. I don’t see anything wrong with it, it’s probably cheaper.
@wherethefishlives - Spoken like a poet.
@wherethefishlives - Or one of those old dudes in movies. Like yoda. Or a martial arts master.
@wherethefishlives - Took the words right out of my mouth.
Or, fingers.
Low-key activities place more emphasis on personal interaction and bonding, whereas you’ve got the alcohol and loud music talking at the other stuff. That’s just my guess.
- John
Y’see, I’m with you on this one–but moshing once in a while is definitely worth the effort/potential awkwardness.
Smaller concert venues ftw, tho.
Yea… the first set is fine for every now and then, but the 2nd set guarantees quality time every time
Don’t be self-conscious about it, it’s a good thing. Really 
ps. I get the reference, brownie points for meeeeeeeee! Is that show still on? lol.. I never watched it when it was on, I have an unpredictable life like that!
Low key activities are awesome (=
You don’t need a nightclub or one night stand to have fun with some friends
@wherethefishlives said it best.
xo
omgosh, im allergic to alcohol too, and i have such a hard time explaining it to people especially guys. i have the opposite problem – i like partying because i love dancing, but people always assume i’m not an extrovert because i don’t drink. i think personality and hobbies are different though, and sometimes although u’re a loud person its normal to like introverted activities – ying yang and whatnot. I guess on the outside people think i look introverted so its surprising i like extroverted activities. however, in terms of people and spending genuine time, i think we all prefer more personal activities – clubs these days are like meat markets – pretty hard to go there to meet new ‘sincere’ people….i basically go in, dance and get out, haha. interesting post~
@wherethefishlives - Well, I think you just about hit it on the bullseye with that comment. Thank you; I think I subconsciously realized that but couldn’t convey it.
@one_eared_batman - I’m definitely a lot more comfortable in more private settings with people I know. I’m not afraid at all to be myself.
@StewieIsMyHero - That’s what my friend said to me once about my alcohol allergy. It probably does save me a lot of money =P
@The_Aftershock_3650 - Yeah, it’s too distracting. I rather be able to hear the person next to me haha
@theacematt2 - I enjoy concerts too! Haven’t gone to one recently though so I really should go check one out. I heard Jason Mraz was gonna play at a venue near by.
@MochaSprinkle - Unfortunately that show isn’t on anymore
. How did you know which show if you didn’t watch it?
@Dylan_Disast3r - Exactly. Still, I do wonder what I’m missing out from it all. My friend always want me to go to bars with her, but since my body hates me for putting alcohol in it I tend not to go.
@JessxMaxine - First comment and he knocked it right out of th ballpark. Good guy.
@aPieceOfTheSky - And interesting comment to you! I feel less alone in my weird allergies. What happens when you get drink alcohol? Besides the redness, I get really itchy and my heart pounds like crazy, like it’s gonna burst.
You sound a lot like me. I’m sociable, but my activities with people are more similar to the ones you enjoy. From my experience it’s because those activities allow people to bond better than hanging out in bars or clubs does. Bars, clubs, and so forth don’t offer a lot of intellectual stimulation either.
there is nothing wrong with that, just hang out with people who shares the common interests, and maybe show up in the club once a while. i never enjoyed clubbing.
That’s perfectly ok! I’m the same way, and was teased by friends who enjoyed partying like stereotypical college kids. This probably doesn’t happen to you b/c you’re a guy, but getting groped at a club by some strange man isn’t all that fun.
The subconscious is a complex thing. Understand that we are made of many layers, so there is no specific attribute that can describe who we are. Remember that we are not what we do, feel, or think. Besides, the words extroverted and introverted have vague definitions which were developed by events that others deemed common. There is no reason to feel self-conscious because all that matters is that you are content with who you are. You don’t need others to understand you completely. Is it not better to be in the company of those who accept you as you are
?
I’m gonna have to agree with comment number 1.
I noticed the word genuine…I do believe I used that word to describe you in a little post I wrote a while back.
That’s perfectly normal. I am like that too, but I also enjoy going out because I love to dance. Low-key activities make it easier to bond and there is no pressure to be anyone but yourself. I find that at clubs, guys try to flaunt their cash whereas the girls compete to see who can flash more skin. As long as you know why you are there I guess it’s not all that bad.
PD of course!
.]
[I loved how Emerson Cod said "Helll no!"
Why would you be self-conscious about that (at the contradiction?)?
Eh, I’m extroverted too but I enjoy more of the relaxed activities. You can’t hear people talk in clubs or bars and if I want to build a relationship with other people, I really feel like I need to actually sit and talk to them. One of my favorite things to do is to go get a cup of coffee with a friend and just talk. That’s the best way to form a bond and you aren’t going to get that bond from going to da club.
I’m this way also. I don’t like going to clubs and stuff, and haven’t a had a sip of alcohol ever. It’s funny cause my best friend is now my ex-best friend because he called me boring for not going clubbing and drinking.
I’m the same way as you…sometimes I feel like I’m not part of today’s society and what kids these days are into. I’ve never been one to party or drink or go to bars. I see most of my friends doing that time and time again and though I have tried, I can’t get into it. It’s not me or who I am and sometimes I feel terrible about it. Even my aunts tell me to stop being so serious at my age and to go let loose and have fun but to me that’s not fun. Maybe because I’ve been so into tennis and reaching certain goals that I’m mature beyond my years and I see that going clubbing and drinking week after week is a complete waste of time and of life when there are so many new things to learn and explore.
Long walks on the beach?
the clubbing/partying scene isn’t all THAT great imo… in the end, you’d much rather be spending time with ppl you care about or who care about you. i’ve realized that meeting ppl at parties/clubs isn’t my cup of tea after a year of crazy partying days lol. think about it this way: if something bad happened to you, those ppl wouldn’t care! coffee shops and book stores are def my hideouts whenever i like some “me” time. there’s no need to feel self-conscious about it!
Hmm. I like low key stuff too! going to parties all the time just gets me grumpy from all the rush.
@missedout_onlife - I 100% agree!
Bars and drinking aren’t really my scene… enjoy what you enjoy doing. Don’t be pressured by anybody else. Most people who always go out somewhere even if they don’t have money are either desperate or trying too hard. And that’s all I have to say about that.
perhaps you prefer to be able to socialise with your friends which is rather hard in nightclubs or when people are drunk…
Man, we would have a lot of fun if we hung out haha.
I would fit in any of the settings that you posted pictures of. To me, the setting doesn’t matter THAT much. What’s important to me is the people I’m with. =)
(BTW, I play tennis occasionally… but I suck. I play just to be around friends.) =P
@jesuismir - Kickbacks > Parties.
As long as the place isn’t overly crowded, it’s pretty fun. =D
haha sweetie, it’s because you’re a Pisces :p
don’t fight it
you’re a spiritualist, not a party-boy
@Lynn1013 - I’ll take your word for it because I’m definitely a noob with that stuff.
@ipinkyflower - What makes you not enjoy clubbing? To me, I just feel it’s kinda overrated.
@xiaosnowtenshi - Yeah, there are far too many horny old guys in there that just wanna put their junk all over the girls. I really hated that aspect when I went with some female friends.
@ladyofthesilk - Oh for sure! You know how it is though; peer pressure sometimes can have an affect on you no matter how strong you are. I feel like a lame-o when I tell them no thanks. Ah well.
@Peridot21 - Haha oh yeah. Thank you again for that
@buiptammy - Yeah, it’s fine for the most part. Just occasionally a friend or two would ask me to do one of those first activities and I’m always hesitant. I feel kinda lame haha
@loves_mud - I figured you would get that one
. I’m just self-conscious when I see some friends that wanna go drink and what not and I kinda become the party pooper by saying no thanks. Sucks being allergic to alcohol.
@TheCheshireGrins - Exactly. You can barely see and hear the people around you in a club so what’s the point besides dancing your ass off?
@B1ANCACACA - Wait, you never had alcohol ever? How’s that possible? Just never had a chance to try some or just strongly against it?
@missedout_onlife - yeah, I just feel like I have an old soul sometimes like you feel. To me, I just don’t find the need for all that stuff that a lot of my peers go for. I’m sure playing tennis professionally can make you wiser in your activity choices. Gotta be ready for those big matches!
@mycontinuity - OMG you read my eHarmony profile? j/k (I don’t have that).
@chocolattt - Yay for coffee shops and book stores! That more leaning towards my scene.
@jesuismir - too much adrenaline rush?
@stupid_systemus - You forgot “I’m done.”
Thanks Jose for the encouragement, I needed some of that.
@Jenzies - Yeah, especially that drunk thing. It’s funny sometimes, but some people just go way overboard.
@fLiPgUy31O - I agree, you would be a great buddy to hang out with. One of these days we shall be in the same area. Ever visit San Fransisco? I’m definitely gonna be there over winter break this year.
@nepenthium - True true. Are you a pisces too?
I do the same low key things with my friends that you do. And I love it!
As a matter of fact, Hubby and I have only ever been out to a club together twice since we have known each other. I have only been once when I haven’t been with him.
Clubbing total…three times. lol.
I am okay with that!
@Krissy_Cole - Haha well you beat me by 2 then. I had chances to go more, but after having a not so good time the first time around I just don’t feel like going again.
@Roadlesstaken - I don’t blame you. The only ones I would go to now are comedy clubs and dueling piano bars. lol
@Krissy_Cole - Dueling piano bars? Never heard of those. I do need to go to more comedy clubs. The last one I went to was kinda disappointing except for one comic.
@Roadlesstaken - Dueling piano bars are fun. Interactive. Not so much go, look at people, and dance like a frat girl. Plus, the pianists are comics themselves usually.
i think that’s a lot better than partying it up all day, errrrday
@JetaimeMing - Yeah, although I wish I could get myself in the mood more for those occasional parties. I feel old, and I’m not ever that old!
i don’t find any of the things you like to do as strictly “introverted.” i mean, come on, TENNIS?! =P
poor al-al, not being able to get drunk and wasted with the rest of his buddies. i feel for you…
@Roadlesstaken - No I’m not a Pisces, but I lovee Pisces
;D especially you March Pisces ;P ;P
^_^ I feel the same way. Already my friend is talking about bringing me to her Rutgers parties and on facebook, my homepage is littered with friends saying they’re going to Club Miami tonight but I hate that. I feel like you meet more chill people at low key activities and even If I don’t meet people or make a connection, I enjoyed the calm free time I had with myself or a few other friends.
@Roadlesstaken - You’re entitled to your choices. Just because you choose not to do something does not make you a “lame-o”
. If you feel pressured into doing something, then it’s all the more reason not to do that something. Your intuition/gut feeling is telling you this activity is not really for you.
@Roadlesstaken - Not against it I just don’t really trust some of the guys I’m around. I would only drink if I had a really good friend to look after me
I’m not into partying anyways, though. My favorite thing to do with friends is go out and eat :p
@Roadlesstaken - i had a low platelet count as a kid so after some transfusions, the docs said i can’t have alcohol which thins out ur blood since there’s a chance the platelet deficiency will come back. Since platelets help ur blood to clot, i think if i drank enough of it, i’d start bleeding internally again and bruises would randomly start appearing again =X
@beetunes - I know right? No “Alex Gone Wild” video for me any time soon.
@nepenthium - haha what’s so special about the March babies?
@RaquelHiggins005 - That’s exactly what I mean about feeling self-conscious. I see stuff like that pop up all the time, but I always decide not to do those things.
@aPieceOfTheSky - Okay, you win for worse side effects from alcohol. And I thought I had it rough!
IMHO the club/party scene gets old pretty fast. but that’s just my opinion, so take it as you will haha. plus, you get to know people better doing lowkey stuff — some people like that, some people don’t. to each his own. personally, sometimes i like partying, and sometimes i like chilling. but i think i’m starting to grow out of the party-hardy mindset a little. I’m definitely not as bad as when we used to live together and I went out every weekend, all weekend =X
@Krissy_Cole - haha, I actually HAVE been to a dueling piano bar! Did you go to Howl?
@Roadlesstaken - you’re puree Pisces
100% water
@wherethefishlives - man you took the words right out of my fingers!
I used to be the girl out at clubs and bars a good 4-5days out of the week. But then after awhile I realized I didn’t make any friends even though I see the same people over and over each night. Now I dont mind going out once in awhile, but I’d rather do one-on-one or something more intimate (not romantic sense) but you know what I mean.
I love low key activities. You get to interact with the people on a more personal level, and I love that.
You’re fine; To thine ownself be true.
I got into the bar and clubbin’ scene once. It wasn’t for me though. I have definitely cut back on drinking and going out. That’s another story for another time…
Don’t feel self-conscious about it. I rarely go out and socialize now. All my friends are married or have kids or both.
aww that’s okay alex, you’re personality just doesn’t cover all that, nothing wrong about it! hope u don’t feel bad! now I know not to bring u to a bar/club when u come visit ny again! haha I’ll take u to central park! LOL
It happens.
You just haven’t been to the right places yet.
You’re kinda like me then. I mean, I like parties and dancing. I sure do. But though it makes me feel blissful, it doesn’t satisfy me. What satisfies me are long walks with a few close friends, having coffee and reading a good book, listening to music, writing and more writing.
@ch10n9 - Yes, you were our residential partier. Could never keep up with you haha. Btw, shouldn’t you be at the beach right now?
@nepenthium - Well, that explains why I sweat so easily whenever I play tennis =P
@tigerdauphin - For sure. Well, now you know what to expect to do when you come down to MD
@yankeesrock92715 - Yes indeed, my favorites
@cliff_07 - Thank you for your encouragement
@strawberries_and_honey - I know, time for your turn to be making some babies!
@pasaway4eva - Yup yup, I love sight seeing! There’s so much other places in NY I didn’t get a chance to see, although I gotta say that Sex Museum trip was memorable.
@randaness - Hmm? What happens?
@Agent_Eric - That may be true; my experiences have been lacking. The ones I do have weren’t the greatest.
@c_jamaica - Yeah, I remember you writing something similar to this a few posts ago. The usual things that people my age do just don’t seem to satisfy me as much.
@Roadlesstaken - :)
Does that mean you get stuck as designated driver a good chunk of the time too then? How bad are your allergies? Can you eat food that is cooked with alcohol w/o reactions if most of the alcohol is cooked out?
That does kinda suck, but I’m sure your good friends understand
.Haha, most of my good friends just like mini food parties (: (we burned our food at the last one -_-..fail!) instead of those high energy things. A lot of those high energy things kind of go with the washed out loss of conversation that has come with much of our current culture anyways :.
i think i might be an oddball on your comment page since i really do like going out with friends. but i think that there’s the key. when i go out to do the whole partying thing i always go with people i know, not really to meet new people. for me it’s another way to just have a good time and be able to dance or just see them get a little crazy. also, i did feel super awkward going to happy hours for work with fellow interns that i didn’t really know, but since it’s such a part of the culture of public accounting, i suppose i’ll just have to get used to it. oh yeah, but i do suck at pool. haha.
maybe its just what makes you unique. maybe you enjoy people, but not so much on a large setting. I for one, do not enjoy people in large amounts that often. small amounts are okay.
pushing daisies. (:
@loves_mud - If I eat something that was cooked in alcohol I’ll get red, so I’m rather sensitive haha. Most of my friends aren’t big time drinkers so I don’t usually have to worry about being a DD.
@blubunni326 - Yeah it’s strange; I was expecting more people to have the opinion that you have. I think going to parties and stuff with friends are fine, just not going to random parties with random people. Not my thing.
@indiechaos - I like smaller groups of people for sure. I hate giving speeches to an unknown crowd.
@trapioggiaenuvole - Yep yep! Good, glad to know I’m not the only one who used to watch that show
@Roadlesstaken - one of my favourites. (: i was so sad when it got canceled.
Ditto what wherethefishlives said!
There’s no need to apologize for who you are! You are who you are, and if you enjoy these chillaxing activities, then that’s what matters right? Besides, wouldn’t you rather be around the type of people who enjoy the same activities you do, too?
I totally understand what you mean. I also enjoy low-key activities as well. Too much stimuli, like at loud bars and clubs, can be sensory overload. I hate it when people try to have conversations in loud places. Like there would be any real, meaningful conversation in places like these.
And, are you really allergic to alcohol?
I haven’t actually had the chance to go to a concert or clubbing or to a bar, but I perceive myself as preferring the low key activities. I like to hear what the person next to me is saying, and the idea of losing my inhibitions and all other things associated with drinking a lot aren’t really very attractive to me. Besides, relaxing is…well, more relaxed.
Not gonna lie though, I’ve felt self-conscous about it too. But I like what I like, and I’ve found friends that prefer those activities too, so it’s all good.
Haha pushing daisies. Yea I’m right there with ya, I’ve always been told I’m uber friendly and sociable, and not to sound arrogant but I’ve always gotten along with people all the time. I do well in social activites but I can’t remember the last time I went out and did something like that. We usually sit at the house and play video games like smash brothers or play poker, or if we go out it’s to a restuarant or the movies. I like being comfortable and being around people that I know are my friend because they like me not because I’m a good “party friend” and just there to have fun. If you can hang with someone and basically do nothing and still have a good time, they’re a good friend. I can’t keep up with it either lol, I get drunk one night and I’m recooperating for awhile, and I like to sleep haha.
@Roadlesstaken - surrrrr-ri-ouslyyy!
@mZdejavuZ - I really am. At first I thought it was just the typical Asian glow thing, but nah I get bad reactions from it. Apparently my dad is allergic too.
@Rhia_Pyrithea - Concert are fun, but for me it’s because I enjoy listening to my favorite artists live. Yeah, the idea of drinking just to make me lose my inhibition isn’t as big of appeal to me as well. I’m already pretty cool without it =P
@Drugsy - Looks like you’re someone I would have an awesome time hanging out with
Outgoing doesn’t just mean going to bars and clubs. I enjoy those places because I like dressing up, dancing (make up for lack of exercise), and being someone that i’m not during the day. I don’t know if it’s a type of split personality disorder or anything, but you tell me. It’s interesting meeting people that I don’t associate with any other time except certain times of the night. I guess you’re more normal.
haha definitely! nothing beats telling people that “I went to the sex museum with two strangers that I met online” lmfao!
just “holla” at me whenever u plan to come back down here! LOL
I haven’t gone out much, but being at home and relaxing feels incredibly comfortable.
@Passenger00 - Honestly, I felt pretty abnormal because it seems like more people are like you. I wish I could make myself comfortable going out for a night around town, but I’ve been unsuccessful so far.
@pasaway4eva - Well, when you put it that way it does sound pretty crazy what we did haha. Yeah for sure I’ll let you know. When you coming down to MD huh?
@karen0z - It is I agree. At times though I do wonder what I’m missing out by staying in.
@iheartthechargers - Yup! Too bad the shows not on anymore
I tooootally feel ya. Clubbing/drinking has never interested me that much… I don’t have as much fun doing either compared to activities where you can pretty much just soak everything in. Like what you’ve listed.
@lisado - That’s cool to hear. I guess from the outside it seems everyone is basically doing that stuff but me, so glad to hear that I’m not the only one.
is this where your screen name originates from?? well in a way sorta. i think it’s perfectly normal and natural for people to like both certain extroverted/introverted activities. i enjoy outdoor stuff e.g hiking, kayaking, but sometimes i like to sit and just knit haha so i’m sure you’re not alone in the department =]
I think I’m the same way. But, I’ve learned to accept it, and I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. And, I was kinda wondering why too, but I think wherethefishlives has a really good point. wow. A stranger helped me learn about myself. haha…interesting..
@xxLilPauliexx - I got it mainly from that Robert Frost poem, but it sure relates to this post. Knit huh? My grandma would probably really like you then haha. She knits alllll the time.
@chineseboystyle - Hey, sometimes it takes a stranger to point out seemingly obvious stuff about you. haha it is indeed interesting.
You know what? I think you and I would get along quite well in real life (: I’m not a fan of drinking because I am a serious light-weight. I dislike clubs because I simply don’t like picking up random girls, and I can’t hit up a bar because… I glow like crazy.
I just got a tennis racket, so I’d play with you if I didn’t suck. Still need to get rid of my badminton swing. >.<
@Roadlesstaken - lol i dunno
but when i do, i will definitely let you know!!
@AzureRecollections - Yeah, I get the feeling we would be good buddies in real life too. For sure, if I ever travel to Canada I wouldn’t mind hitting with you, no matter the skill level
your activities are what i used to do all the time. I get called boring all the time, but I guess going out and partying isn’t that much more exciting, if anything its relatively repetitive and it only has a short lifespan, well at least for me because really i’m not a party person either.
@cokaholic - Yeah, the fact that I enjoy these “boring” activities more has been the main reason why I feel a bit self-conscious about it. I just feel more satisfied.
I didn’t read all the comments because there were tons of them, so i’m sure this has already been said, in one form or another. Either way, here goes:
The crazy party scene is really only if you want to have a good time and enjoy yourself. The more mellow activities let you focus on yourself, but also on others. Seems like you enjoy more meaningful interpersonal interaction–being an outgoing people person, that suits your personality more than you might think. Going for a walk in the park with someone will just be more rewarding to you than screaming your lungs out with the same person at a rock show.
@BranmacFeabhail - Actually, no one has really said it in the way you just said it now. Your comment makes a lot of sense now that I think about it! Thanks
@Roadlesstaken - you are quite welcome
I rather not go clubing or drinking, its not intimate, relaxing at all. You are just surrounded by drunks…and no one can social that much at the club since everyones just dancing. I rather watch movies with friends, shoot some pool, read and play video games….I rather plant flowers, sleep, eat and draw. Glad youre not wasting your life partying. Youre better than that.
@retarded_beautiful - now, why don’t we hang out more often? We should sometime; been a while.
i do enjoy the first set quite heartily but i gotta say that second set of activities is the majority of my life. i can be wild and crazy but low key is easy too. i’m adaptable i guess.
I know right.~ I just remember the last time I saw u was when you bought the Dirty vegas cd and came to my house to chill. Good memory huh?
that was like years ago!
@retarded_beautiful - Oh my god, that was eons ago! Haha I still have that cd on my shelf.
@PiscesPhishie - That’s good. I’m pretty adaptable too; I just prefer low key stuff.
Pushing Daisies! I hate that they cancelled it! I can totally relate to you– I sometimes feel like a housecat when I go those places ( clubs, posh lounges… trust me, once you’ve been to one,.. you’ve been to them all) in terms of it being so foreign to me that I can’t survive in the ‘wild’. I get Social Anxiety Disordeer and find myself making way towards the nearest exit. I think it’s a rite of passage everyone goes through though. I can happily say that I’ve made my peace with it…it’s not for everyone. I personally thnks it’s peoples’ way of getting instant gratification that they’re pretty enough, popular enough… or that their life has meaning this way. Which I’m not judging them by… whatever helps you get through your days. But in the same token…I know who I am. & I’d rather call it a night in my comfy pj’s… near my dearst friends and family. Making delightful memories that come easy to me, which Idon’t have to struggle remembering because I was inebriated. I’m a boardgame night kinda gal. If that makes me an (oxy)moron.. I proudly stand next to you on that wall =)
@lovelygal2luv - ah, there should be more down to earth girls like you around here
we can so hang out hehe
I can never see myself as a bar,clubbing,party person
I would always take chillin at home to going out
but yea i sometimes i wish i was more outgoing
@Kathleen_g - Hey, who knows maybe one day.