You know what I'm talking about. You're going about life just minding your own business when all of a sudden these thoughts creep up on you. "What if I had done this?" "What if I could have been smarter when I was younger?" "What if she really isn't the right one for me?" Questions like these can mess up your view of things drastically and can lead you to make choices you weren't even considering just a few moments ago.
A big example of that from my life regards that last question: "What if she really isn't the right one for me?" It was a question I asked myself a few years back, while I was about 2 years into my relationship with my college sweetheart. Everything was going relatively fine. We never had any really big problems and we got along amazingly well. If I didn't know better, I would have said there was no one better for me. I used to think, "I'm with a great girl that I'm happily committed to. I am so fortunate."
Of course, things changed one day. Out of the blue, she asked me "So, where do you think we should live after we graduate?" With that question, something seemingly woke up in my head. All of these doubts and "what if"s started flying around, confusing my scheme of things. I started to think "Wow, are we already thinking that far ahead? We're just 20! Wait, we are just 20 years old! Am I sure she is right for me? What if she isn't and I made a mistake? What if there's someone else better for me out there? What if I had passed her by already? What if what if what if..."
Long story short, those doubts led to the eventual end of our relationship. By the time I realized how stupid I was to be thinking of those "what if" thoughts, it was too late. The glass was broken and she also began to have those thoughts as well.
Looking back at that time over the years, I used to think "What if I hadn't had those thoughts? What if I had kept my mouth shut? What if we had continued the way we were? Would we have been together to this day?"
However, I finally stopped that when I realized I need to stop thinking about all those "what if"s. There are infinite amount of possibilities throughout the course of my life and this just so happened to be my path. I started to think of that "mistake" as not a mistake at all. Had I not done that back then, I'm sure I would still be wrestling with those commitment issues and insecurities I used to have. Had I not done that, I wouldn't have done so many wonderful things that, looking back, I never would have had the chance to do or experience had that relationship continued. Perhaps what happened was exactly what was suppose to happen at that point of time.
I don't see myself getting married anytime soon. However, I think I would be perfectly fine with meeting the girl that would eventually be my wife at this point of my life. Over the years, I have grown to be very confident about who I am and what the important things really are. I just got to keep reminding myself that everything that has happened before, whether good or bad, had led me to where and what I am today. It is for that reason that I will not let those pesky "what if"s affect me so much ever again.
Comments (76)
I feel you on this one. Those "what if"s really suck. That's why I try to keep myself super busy. If I get stuck with any free time, I might end up asking myself all those "what if" questions.
In the end, life has a way of sorting itself out and things always work out how they are supposed to :)
Yeah but things happen for a reason so if you're questioning it, then it wasn't right. Idk if that made any sense to you lol & I love Neyooooo :)
yeah, those what ifs are a pain in the you-know-what sometimes...never seems to be a shortage of them either ;)
i've gotten better at handling them as well...practice makes perfect i guess ha :)
What if I never commented on this post? hmmm
oops meant to rec this and forgot...had to come back lol =)
O those "what if's." Makes life completely depressing and yourself a bitter and cynical person because of it.
Or maybe just me.
But either way, focusing on the what ifs doesn't help at all. There is no forward-moving when thinking in the past.
I agree with you. I've been in similar dilemmas before. We can all name some choices we made that changed our lives in some way. I made one in particular a few years ago that had a domino effect on a lot of other things in my life. It was a big choice but looking back it was for the best, because I would not be the person today if I had not made that decision. So I really feel you on this post. See the positive outcome, not the "what if."
Strangely enough, this blog is applicable to a lot of things that has been happening to me lately. Although I never had a problem with what ifs, I did have a problem with trying to fix my so called mistakes, and not understanding that things happen for a reason. Glad to see that you are confident, and I bet you will make any girl very happy to belong to you :]
for some reason, reading your entry, i felt like "what if" was like one of those "intervention" things in a relationship (or in life)... you've seen that episode on how I met your mother right? =/
you and i. we are in the exact same place. interesting.
Ha, welcome to being a 20-something dude - always looking to explore other options. Nothing wrong with being sure about things, if you were meant to be you would have survived a little questioning. All great truths do.
I try not to think about "what ifs" because it makes me feel worst about myself. I think about how things could have happened differently and perhaps how much better my life could have gotten. It's really depressing, but it's all in the past. You just have to seize every moment now so you don't have those "what ifs" in the future. =)
P.S I love Ne-Yo's Because of You and Make It Work. I can never get tired of those songs...
now give me some of that knowledge and have it stick please. thanks! :)
@fLiPgUy31O - I think that's what I've been doing subconsciously; I've just been so busy these past few years. Perhaps I made myself busy just so questions like that wouldn't have a chance to affect
@everchanginglife09 - That's how I like to think too
@JetaimeMing - haha I think what you're saying is pretty much what I was getting.
@Peridot21 - Yes, come experience come more knowledge. Thanks for the rec!
@Agent_Eric - conundrum!
@drung888 - exactly. That's why I try not to think about past possibilities too seriously. It happened, so time to go after whatever's next.
@Lynn1013 - So, what exactly was this big thing? I'm curious.
@indiechaos - I try to be, although it sure can be tough at times. I can't wait until I find my mojo back haha.
@AzureRecollections - I think so. What happened in that episode and what season?
@h0peLeSs_RoMaNtiC - That's a good thing right?
@mixedbabiesrock - haha yes, my old, naive, 20 year old self. I guess I rather have made that mistake back then then now, when I'm supposedly older and wiser =P
@xkthily - You like Make It Work?? You're getting 1,000 brownie points with me =D
@karen0z - Sure, here's some spare knowledge *hands it over*. Haha seriously, I really don't have too much to offer. It's just how I've interpret the events that have happened to me.
@cliff_07 - ah, interesting story. It sounds like a good moral/caution tale.
Can't remember the season, but it was the one where they'd start pointing out certain annoying things about each person (ie. someone chews loudly, or something) :) Hope that toggles your memory!
mr alex is seaching for "lou po!" :P
everything happens for a reason.
@Roadlesstaken - hahaha Austin Powers the spy who shagged me
Ah, those questions are haunting :(.
Maybe one day I'll be able to see things the way you are here, positively.
The last paragraph is reminding me of How I Met Your Mother. XD
I used to get caught up in the "What if" thing all the time. I guess, as I got older, I started to accept that things happen for a reason, even if I'd never really know what the exact reason was. That little idea has helped me grow into, well, someone a whole lot more confident in themselves. Everyone has to learn it for themselves at some point or another.