September 23, 2011

  • The Places We Could Have Gone

    Have you ever made the tough choice to hurt someone, believing that by hurting that person then you would avoid hurting that person deeper in the future?

    I did.

    Not surprising, she was very angry at me for doing that.  Who could blame her?  At the time, things were wonderful.  The chemistry was unmistakably there and we had the timing down.  We could talk and laugh for hours.  Seeing her made me smile uncontrollably.  She was what I looked forward to at the end of a long day.  We were by no means perfect, but I honestly couldn’t have asked for more.  She was happy.  I was happy. 

    Sadly, I knew this perfect moment we had couldn’t continue.  Soon, the timing would no longer be on our side.  Without it, we could probably survive on our chemistry for a little while longer.  However, our relationship would eventually deteriorate.  I worried that if we waited until then, our inevitable separation would be worse for the both of us.  With that in mind, I was convinced that I had to end things before it went down that rough path.

    Although I made what I believe was the most logical decision, I suffered for a long time with my choice.  The guilt of it weighed heavily on my heart as I struggled to ride it out.  I wish I could have comfort her, but that wasn’t an option at that point.  Very quickly it went from our once great, passionate relationship to…becoming strangers. 

    As bad as it ended, I would be a fool to wish that we had never happened.  I do not regret our time together, nor do I wish to dwell upon the sad conclusion.  Despite everything, I will remember the blissful, perfect moment we were lucky enough to share for a brief period.  I am going to appreciate that forever.

    I do wonder though…if there’s a version of us out there that is still together, that managed to get pass the obstacles laid before them.  If I had more belief, faith, and perhaps more luck, could that have been us?  Was that path even possible?  I guess it doesn’t matter now, but still, I wonder…

    I cannot wait until you meet that someone that will give you all that you deserve.  To see you as happy again will bring so much joy to me.  I truly mean that. 

    I wish you nothing but the best, stranger.