March 24, 2008

  • *Note:  Just some feelings crap below haha…so feel free not read*

    I’m in the shower just now, which also happens to be a place I apparently do a lot of thinking. 

    Mondays always seem to put me in the worst feeling mindset, probably due to a lot of factors.  Guess part of it is that my Mondays are busy, where I spend most of my day out either at work or in class until 9.  Maybe because it’s the start of the week that leaves me feeling stressed.  I also feel a strong sense of loneliness, probably because I feel like all my other friends are doing stuff together while I can’t. 

    Of course with the way my mind works, I go ahead and start thinking about other random things that are bothering me.  Things like how I miss having that someone to go to at the end of day, for days like these.  Or how there are people in my life that I would love to talk to or spend more time with, but can’t due to reason that I ultimately am responsible for.  Or how it seems like many people appear to know what their next steps are after graduation and I’m still figuring stuff out.  Or how crappy I feel about my tennis abilities lately and how I can’t devote enough time to play because of other things.  How the system within the club makes me unable to play in matches because it rewards those that can give a lot of time and punishes those who cant.  It’s all incredibly frustrating.

    Finally, I just hate how I’m unable to tell you what are my priorities in life right now.  I so perplexed.  

    Anyways, it’s about 30 minutes into my shower before I wake up from all these dumbs thoughts flying around my head.  I just needed to put some of these thoughts somewhere so I can reach some sort of…catharsis I guess. 

    I know once Tuesday ends I’ll be feeling a lot better.  But until then…