November 30, 2003

  • Im looking back at some old conversations w/ samara…mainly the ones just before…


    July 20


    mckeesamara (1:42:42 AM): haha…you’re a dreamer aren’t you?
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:43:14 AM)    : im a believer
    mckeesamara (1:43:30 AM)    : ooooo…a believer…those people are alwayz good, huh?
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:44:10 AM)    : im a realistic believer
    mckeesamara (1:44:53 AM)    : hm…now you’re getting specific. realistic believer…those are the people that believe in what really could happen?
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:45:41 AM)    : they are people who believe in what should happen
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:45:49 AM)    : that is possible
    mckeesamara (1:45:54 AM)    : hm…what do you believe should happen?
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:46:17 AM)    : eh, idk
    mckeesamara (1:46:21 AM)    : liar
    mckeesamara (1:46:33 AM)    : You know…just don’t want me to know…
    mckeesamara (1:46:48 AM)    : but don’t you ever wonder if I know what you’re thinking?
    mckeesamara (1:47:06 AM)    : About the people/person you think about at night
    mckeesamara (1:47:21 AM)    : about how things could be better and wishing that if only they were that way?
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:47:46 AM)    : hmm, possibly
    mckeesamara (1:47:56 AM)    : haha…scary, huh?
    mckeesamara (1:48:05 AM)    : It’s a curse
    mckeesamara (1:48:36 AM)    : Don’t you ever think that maybe you know what someone is thinking?
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:48:50 AM)    : yep
    mckeesamara (1:48:52 AM)    : then know about others that you do know
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:49:03 AM)    : i guess
    mckeesamara (1:49:06 AM)    : yeah…you try to guess what I’m thinking alot
    mckeesamara (1:49:14 AM)    : Everyone does…
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:49:49 AM)    : well i wouldnt know, everyone think differently
    mckeesamara (1:49:59 AM)    : or do they?
    mckeesamara (1:50:31 AM)    : people think the same way…but they make different choices…they express things differently…
    mckeesamara (1:50:48 AM)    : that’s the only difference in people…
    mckeesamara (1:50:56 AM)    : hm…something to think on, huh?
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:51:06 AM)    : i have enough to thing
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:51:09 AM)    : think*
    mckeesamara (1:51:17 AM)    : yeah…me too
    mckeesamara (1:51:46 AM)    : but alwayz those little questions we miss…sorry
    mckeesamara (1:51:56 AM)    : no more bringing it up…


    T4 Me n 04 u (2:01:31 AM): alright, goodnight
    mckeesamara (2:01:35 AM): yeah
    mckeesamara (2:01:38 AM)    : and one more thing
    T4 Me n 04 u (2:01:48 AM)    : yea?
    T4 Me n 04 u (2:02:20 AM): whoa its 2? i better go too
    mckeesamara (2:02:24 AM): I still do like you…I was just hoping that if I told you I didn’t that maybe it would go away…sucks that it didn’t. but I’m glad it didn’t too. confusing I know…well, goodnight.
    mckeesamara signed off at 2:02:25 AM.


    July 22


    jessMD10121 (11:10:04 PM): I want to talk to Nii-Koi, but I’m scared
    T4 Me n 04 u (11:10:20 PM): scared of what?
    jessMD10121 (11:11:06 PM)    : Scared of how he’ll react
    T4 Me n 04 u (11:12:03 PM): ok, what do you think would be the worse case scenerio
    jessMD10121 (11:12:36 PM)    : He’d get mad at you
    T4 Me n 04 u (11:13:20 PM): ok…the best case scenerio
    jessMD10121 (11:14:36 PM)    : I don’t know…I get what I want, and everyone’s happy….but’s it not like that’ll happen


    July 23


    ): yeah…*sigh*…hm…
    mckeesamara (1:00:01 AM)    : I can’t stop thinking about him…
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:00:18 AM)    : nii-koi?
    mckeesamara (1:00:23 AM)    : He was alwayz there for me…and he still is, I just don’t see it
    mckeesamara (1:00:24 AM)    : no
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:00:28 AM)    : chris
    mckeesamara (1:00:32 AM)    : yeah
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:00:35 AM)    : ah
    mckeesamara (1:00:41 AM)    : man, I miss him sooooooooo much
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:00:49 AM)    : i bet you do
    mckeesamara (1:01:24 AM)    : And I could tell he really did love me…I mean…Nii-Koi says it, but it just feels like empty words, but…Chris never said it…I alwayz knew…you know what I mean?
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:01:59 AM)    : absolutely
    mckeesamara (1:02:26 AM)    : gosh…*sigh* I don’t think I’ll ever find a guy that’ll love me like he did…
    mckeesamara (1:02:33 AM)    : and not like that…
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:04:50 AM)    : hmm


    mckeesamara (1:15:56 AM): so…what are you thinking about?
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:16:49 AM)    : im thinking about a lot of things
    mckeesamara (1:17:14 AM)    : you do that alot…I’m guessing cuz you don’t want to share…but that’s me
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:18:06 AM)    : hmm, youre right, i sometimes dont wanna share what im thinking because im afraid of how it can influence other people
    mckeesamara (1:18:21 AM)    : yeah…that’s why I don’t share lots of things
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:19:20 AM)    : its understandable


    July 23


    mckeesamara (11:17:52 PM): I never wanted that to end


    Auto response from T4 Me n 04 u (11:17:52 PM): Transitive Property of Food:
    Me = Human
    Human = Eat Food
    Me = Eat Food





    T4 Me n 04 u (11:23:47 PM)    : yea…we are in deep shit
    mckeesamara (11:23:54 PM)    : yeah
    mckeesamara (11:23:59 PM)    : haha…
    T4 Me n 04 u (11:24:08 PM)    : o well
    mckeesamara (11:24:20 PM)    : yeah…sometimes you can’t help things
    mckeesamara (11:24:42 PM)    : you’re the first guy I can look at straight in the eye without worrying about anything
    T4 Me n 04 u (11:25:14 PM)    : how bout chris?
    mckeesamara (11:25:50 PM)    : yeah…I mean, I could look at him in the eyes…but…he never held me cuz he didn’t want me getting in trouble


    July 24


    T4 Me n 04 u (10:23:43 PM): so, what do you wanna do?
    mckeesamara (10:24:52 PM): I wanna give it a try…but I want to make sure everyone’s ok with it, you know what I mean?
    T4 Me n 04 u (10:25:02 PM)    : yea, same
    mckeesamara (10:26:44 PM): do you think we’ll be able to do that?
    T4 Me n 04 u (10:27:21 PM)    : do what?
    mckeesamara (10:28:12 PM): be able to get together
    T4 Me n 04 u (10:28:36 PM)    : o, yea
    mckeesamara (10:29:10 PM): so you would want to…
    T4 Me n 04 u (10:29:40 PM)    : sure…i dont wanna regret not doing something later on
    mckeesamara (10:30:21 PM): yeah…I know what you mean
    mckeesamara (10:31:04 PM)    : but we might have to wait, huh?


    July 26


    mckeesamara (1:43:06 AM): worst case scenario: My mom finds out and forbids us not to see eachother…I go against it…She sends me back to Colorado…
    mckeesamara (1:43:30 AM)    : best case scenario: We keep it under wraps…everything seems normal…and no one talks to my mom
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:44:02 AM)    : is there no way for your mom’s opinion on this to change?

    mckeesamara (1:44:31 AM): how it’s gonna be: My mom and I will talk…yell…I’ll get to tears…she’ll say I can’t see you anymore…I don’t listen…I get in a lot of trouble…but it’s all worth it at the end
    mckeesamara (1:44:56 AM)    : I don’t think so…we can try…but it might take a while…I mean a few months of keeping underwraps kinda time…
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:47:21 AM)    : hmm…can you try to make her opinion change


    T4 Me n 04 u (1:56:10 AM): we are people and people make mistakes
    mckeesamara (1:56:23 AM)    : But with you…I didn’t do anything…it just…happened
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:57:11 AM)    : ya, which is why i dont believe it is wrong
    mckeesamara (1:57:33 AM)    : *sigh* if only we could make others see it that way too
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:58:06 AM)    : its possible
    T4 Me n 04 u (1:58:13 AM)    : it has only begun


    Yea…things arent as bad as they seem…I just wish that people in general could be happier…yup…

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